Healing
by DragonFireWitch
Summary: Post War, Hermione struggles with nightmares and seeks a Healer. Crossing paths with Draco Malfoy during a time in need may end up leading to more than what their school days left them to be before returning to take their N.E.W.T.s.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This will be a Dramoine, but I'm carrying off from the end of the war so she's still currently with Ron.** **Rated M for upcoming chapters. This isn't Beta'd and it's my first HP Fic. Don't be too harsh and please leave reviews if you're enjoying it.**

 ***Disclaimer* I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or JKR's work.**

Almost three months had passed since the end of the war. Hogwarts was almost completely put back together. Death Eaters had taken to Azkaban, while others were still hidden, and loved ones were being buried and remembered.

It took all of Hermione's strength to not cry as they buried Tonks and Lupin together while she holding baby Teddy. Andromeda was in no state of mind to hold him and neither was Harry. It was the last of the funerals they were to attend. The first being Fred then Lavender, who while she despised, knew in her heart that Ron needed closure, Colin Creevey, Snape and now Tonks and Lupin. She stood there with a slight sway in her step, eyes glossed over, trying to keep the stream of tears threatening to escape her as she held this innocent child who had lost both of his parents in one day. Her internal struggle leading up to today knowing one of his parents should at least still be standing here knowing all too well Tonks was too stubborn to sit on the sidelines and enjoy her son while a war was being fought. Lost in her train of thought she hadn't felt a rather large hand placed on her lower back until she was brought back to reality with a kiss on her temple and barely a hold on the three month old wiggling and grabbing for the person whose hand was touching her. Looking to her right she meets his soft blue eyes and bright red hair as he's now reaching for Teddy releasing her hold of him. Once he had him settled in his arms Ron looked into Hermione's honey brown eyes and nodded his head in Harry's direction. Without any words spoken Hermione glided over to Harry and sat on the ground staring at the new headstone seen before them.

 _Nymphadora "Tonks" and Remus John Lupin_

 _Proud mother, wife, father, husband and friend_

 _Devoted to the moon_

 _In darkness she found comfort_

 _In light he found hope_

Wrapping her arms around her knees she leaned into Harry putting her head on his shoulder while they silently wept. After a short time they left, taking Teddy with them and leaving Andromeda to mourn for her daughter and son-in-law.

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The Trio and their friends continued their work at their beloved school trying to get it fixed in time for September classes to commence. All 7th years had been offered a chance to come back to complete their N.E.W.T.'s. with an automatic Outstanding in Defense Against the Dark Arts. It seemed only fitting as they had survived a war against the Dark Lord. Hermione of course had chosen to do just that, though did argue she'd rather earn her "O" fair and square. Ron and Seamus were the first to reject the offer while Harry and Neville were still undecided. She knew Ginny would really want Harry back during her final year but the horrid memories could be enough to keep him away and just pursue his career as an Auror. As much as Hermione wanted her best friend there, she also knew what it would do to him mentally.

After a long day of rebuilding Hermione headed down to the Dungeons, one of the only places that was complete, to rest her head for a moment. She walked into what was once the Slytherin common room and inhaled deeply. Many secrets were held in these walls. The secrets of the Death Eater sons and daughters that caused them torture during their school years. Now it was empty. Just a large empty room. She cast a wordless spell at the fireplace to bring a comforting warmth to the common room. Something she was sure the dungeon never saw. She laid on a couch facing the back wall when she heard others enter the room murmuring about some Healer who helped people after the war. Interested she sat up a bit to hear them better.

"Yes that's what I'm saying Nicola. It's said that this Healer has been a miracle worker to those who have terrible nightmares after the war." The taller brunette she recognized from the years of watching Harry play Quidditch. She was a Hufflepuff, Hermione believed to be named Heidi. She assumed the other girl was also a Hufflepuff by her yellow and black striped outfit.

"Wow, I wonder if they picked that up from the Muggles. I believe they have a similar profession don't they? Ther...uhhh...thereaputes? I think they're called?" replied a puzzled Nicola.

 _Of course!_ Hermione thought to herself. "Therapists." She corrected making both girls jump at the realization they weren't alone.

"Oh um, hi Hermione. How are you doing?" Heidi asked with a sad and concerned expression.

"As good as expected. Glad the war is over. Could you tell me a bit more about this Healer?"

Nodding. "Well, she's like those, uh, therapists you just mentioned. They figured a lot of people would have post war traumas like they've seen in the Muggle world. Apparently they have quite a few Healers who have stepped up to help talk about the troubles of the war but rumor has it she's the only one who's been able to help enough to get the nightmares to stop or be extremely limited. I'm not sure if it's true o'course, but it's something to look into. They're at St. Mungo's. Her name is Estella"

"Thank you Heidi." Hermione said as she headed out of the dungeons.

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Letting Harry and Ron know she was going to head to St. Mungos, she left with Neville who decided to go see his parents. As they entered St. Mungos they were greeted by the Welcome Witch. Neville headed to the Janus Thickey Ward after bidding farewell to Hermione.

"Excuse me", Hermione started, "I'm looking for the healers who are similar to therapists? One in particular named Estella."

"Ah yes," replied the Welcome Witch. "Up on the fifth floor. They've cut the tea room in half to make room for the new healers."

Hermione headed up to the fifth floor and knocked on Healer Estella's door. From the other side she heard a faint voice say "With a patient. Please have a seat in the tearoom and I'll be with you shortly." She made some tea as she waited about half hour before the door clicked open. Standing to speak with Healer Estella she was first face to face with a tall male with blood shot grey eyes who looked rather pale with disheveled platinum blonde hair.

"Move." A cold stoney voice in a low tone made her suddenly aware that she was indeed in his way.

"Now Mr. Malfoy what have we been talking about?" Came a voice Hermione could only presume was Healer Estella's. It was very feminine with a matter of fact tone behind it.

"Move. Please." Draco Malfoy managed to say through gritted teeth.

"Excuse me." Hermione replied as she side stepped and Malfoy pushed through her bumping her shoulder. Rolling her eyes in disgust she composed herself and looked at Healer Estella. She saw a petite lady standing before her with golden brown hair and bright blue eyes. She was wearing a black jumpsuit and was smiling at Hermione.

"Well hello there Ms. Granger, I was wondering when I could expect you, Harry or Ron. I'm glad to see you as I'm sure we have much to talk about. My name is Estella."

"Yes, hello. Um. I'd like to be able to make an appointment with you. I'll be going back to school soon so I'd like to see you as soon as possible." Hermione said though her mind was still on Malfoy and thinking about what he could possibly want to talk to a healer about. Surely the war had affected him, but he wasn't really the type to seek help.

Noticing the witch was distracted Estella spoke. "Well I'll be coming to Hogwarts weekly to meet with students who need my services come fall, like your fellow classmate there." Gesturing in the direction Malfoy had just walked.

"Malfoys coming back? Surely he has no reason too."

"Ah, but that is a question for him. I could see you in three days at half past two in the afternoon. Does that work?" Estella said as she looked at her calender.

As they agreed Hermione walked out of St. Mungos and apparated to the burrow with her mind racing with questions, all pertaining to Malfoy. The need for knowledge was always her worst enemy.

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Three days had gone by and so many things happened in that time. She was continuously fighting with Ron and while she was trying to be a supportive girlfriend while he mourned his brother, all he wanted to do was snog. She missed how George and Fred would play jokes, the fire in Ginny, the jokes between her, Harry and Ron. She was happy the war was over as they'd spent their entire school life fighting evil, but at the same time, it seemed they had nothing in common but surviving. She was glad she had this appointment. Trying to talk Harry or Ron or even Mrs. Weasley into going was a difficult feat and though she hadn't given up, she did stop talking about it. They all agreed it was a waste of time and their time could be suited better doing something more productive. Like crying she thought.

Apparating to St. Mungos she waved to the Welcome Witch and headed to the fifth floor. Heading into the tea room she started to make herself a cup of tea when she heard a low groan. Turning she met the same blood shot grey eyes from last week.

"Hello Malfoy." She tried to say cheerily.

"Granger." Malfoy sneered. "Seems Estella is late."

"Oh. You haven't been to see her yet?"

"Obviously not. Why would I continue sitting in here with you if I had?" Malfoy spat.

Rolling her eyes and ignoring his comment she sat across from him. "So I hear you're returning to Hogwarts?"

"Nothing gets past the Gryffindor Princess huh?"

"Just surprised me."

"It shouldn't."

"Well why are you coming back? I've decided t-"

"Not surprised you're going back. Always have to be the top. Miss know-it-all. Can't miss a single marking huh mudblood?"

Growling at the unwelcome term she sneered, "Trying to have a civil conversation with you is absolutely impossible Malfoy."

"Well then stop trying. I don't care to speak with YOUR kind."

"Really? After everything we've been through and the war we've won, you're STILL going to act like this Malfoy? Still a foul loathsome evil little cockroach huh? No one to love you? Did mummy not hug you enough as a child?" Hermione growled standing in front of Malfoy.

Standing up with rage, he over-powered her petite frame. "Listen here mudblood. You leave my mother out of this. My family is and will always be better than you."

"Mr. Malfoy if you are done, our session can start." Estella said calmly from the doorway though there was anger in her voice.

Glaring back at Hermione who was standing tall glaring back at him, he stormed off and slammed the door behind him. Breathing heavily she sat down and drank her tea, turning her back to the door so she didn't have to see him when his session was over.

"Ms. Granger, I can see you now."

Realizing she dozed off she headed into Estellas office. It was a small room with a lounging chair and comfy looking love seat. The ceiling was charmed similar to the way Hogwarts was with stars in the sky and floating candles. On one side of the wall was a fire place that wasn't lit. Most likely because Malfoy liked it cold. Lighting it she took a seat in the lounger.

Sitting across from her Estella started. "Ms. Granger, thank you for seeing me. I figure you might have the most trouble post war.

"Yes. Well I hear you're the best healer around and I'm truly sick of these nightmares. There are many things that haunt me and I'd rather not deal with them anymore."

"Well before we can get the nightmares to stop, first we must get to the root of the nightmares. What keeps causing them to recur even though the war is over and our side has one. The feelings you're going through. We can discuss coping mechanisms, potions, charms, etc. and see if we can get the nightmares to lessen."

"Sounds like a plan. Where do we start?"

"Well, where are you today emotionally?"

"Sad. Tired. Thankful." Hermione had time to think about her emotions over the last few days knowing this would be a question after doing some research about muggle therapists.

"Can you tell me why you're tired?"

 _Hmm, interesting one to choose first to discuss._ "Well I suppose it's because we've been working hard to fix up the school."

"Is that all? It must feel like nothing compared to the physical and mental work you've accomplished over the last 7 years."

"It is, but then when I get back to the burrow, I'm dealing with constant sadness. I understand we're all mourning people and that we've just finished burying our dearest friends. The constant mood swings from Ronald are getting so tiresome though. He just wants to be physical all the time and if he's not physical he's losing his temper about the smallest situations. At the end of the day, it's just exhausting. I can't turn to anyone because what would I say? 'Ginny, I know you're mourning Fred as well, but your brother is being an insufferable prat'. It's not like I can talk to my parents as we're still trying to get their memories back after we found them a couple weeks ago. I just feel like I have no one to talk to who understands and I feel guilty that I'm feeling this when my boyfriend and best friends have just lost their brother." All of this came flooding out of Hermione before she could stop herself and think. Had she been keeping all of this inside? She felt a sigh of relief come over her as she let the words slip aloud.

"It sounds as though we have a place to start doesn't it?"

They talked for the full hour and as their session came to an end she thanked Estella feeling much happier than she had before going in. Hermione felt as though she might be able to get past her nightmares eventually. Opening the door and making her way to the stairs she heard a distinct snigger. Knowing the sound of the voice that released it, more than irritated, she turned to face Malfoy.

"You're still here? Nothing better to do Malfoy? I thought you'd be home asking mummy for a hug by now."

The smirk on his face quickly diminishing and turning into ice cold stare that made Hermione feel as if looks could kill, she would be dead. Quickly moving towards her, his eyes locked in hers, he watched her try to suppress the panic rising in her chest. As he became within inches of her face he spoke. "Estella thought it might help me to do some charity. Help those in need after the war. I immediately thought of you and the Weaslebee's. If anyone was a perfect charity case it's you lot."  
Bringing her hand across his face she slapped him before she had put more than a second thought into it. Without hesitation he grabbed her wrist, then the other with extreme force anger flooding his grey eyes and pushed her painfully against the wall challenging her to try it again. Not backing down, their eyes staring dangerously at each other, Hermione didn't move as she glared back daring him to make another move. She could feel the warmth of his breath as his lips were slightly ajar, smelling the linger of the black tea he had earlier. She could see his chest rise and fall in her peripheral vision and the sweat beads streaming down near his eyes as he held her there.

"Let me go Malfoy." She said with confidence in her voice.

"Or what? You going to stick your Weaslbee on me?"

"I can handle myself perfectly. I don't need Ron to fight my battles."

"Oh that's right. I forgot the Gryffindor Princess always had to save him because he's a weak excuse for a Pure-Blood."

Rolling her eyes she wasn't even putting up a fight. She was too exhausted to try to get free when she knew Malfoy was much stronger than her. She could see the definition of his biceps as he held her wrists against the wall. If Malfoy didn't disgust her so much she would have found it arousing, the thought of those muscles on Ron would have been something of enjoyment. As it was, Ron was letting himself enjoy in the sweets a bit more than usual.

Sensing the fight was over as he wasn't getting the satisfaction of fighting her that she normally gave him, he forcefully pushed himself away from Hermione. "Stay out of my sight." He sneered turning and descended down the stairs.

Hermione couldn't help but smile as she gracefully walked down the stairs. Though it wasn't a pleasure seeing Malfoy, it was a nice break in the rather repetitive routine she'd gotten herself into.

Returning to the burrow, she tried to tell Ron about her session with Estella which of course started another argument between the two. Ron felt like she was overstepping again and didn't want her help. Frustrated she ran up the stairs to the room she shared with Ginny and fell into her bed face first and screamed. Turning her head she noticed an owl she hadn't recognized. Getting up she walked over to it and stroked it taking the letter from its leg.

 _Trying to decide what will benefit more. Destroying the Weaslebee's home so they can make a new one, or just donating the money. Though that would be a lost cause because they wouldn't know what to do with it._

It wasn't signed but she quickly knew who it was from. Getting a piece of parchment she wrote:  
 _How about you focus on something that's actually helpful, like fixing up the school._  
 _H. G._

Attaching the parchment to the owl she stroked it again before it flew off. Laying down she started to think. Malfoy had written her hours after their altercation. She had never once received a post from him in all the years she had known him. This past year he had changed so much, going against his family, the Dark Lord, to lie about Harry after she had cast the Stinging Jinx. He was hesitant about joining him. Overall he seemed like he was thinking on his own. If only he'd stop calling her a mudblood, maybe they could get past their school days.


	2. Chapter 2

***Disclaimer* I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or her work.**

AN: Thank you for all the kind words on chapter 1!

Another week down with the same old routine. She had gotten to Hogwarts early as they were going to start the repairs on the Gryffindor tower. Something she very much wanted to be apart of. Looking out the windows as she climbed the stairs, she saw the greenhouses that Neville and Professor Sprout fixed and had just finished replanting many of the plants that would be needed at the start of the year. Being on the seventh floor brought back so many memories. The last time she had been up here they had destroyed the Ravenclaw Diadem Horcrux and narrowly escaped Fiendfyre brought on by Crabbe, though technically it was Crabbe who destroyed the Horcrux. They had saved Malfoy and Goyles lives. She wondered, as Ron had last year, if the Room of Requirement was still able to work after the cursed fire.

Sitting on the floor in the Gryffindor Common Room she took a look around. So many memories were flooding her. Back when days were much simpler, not that their lives were ever simple, but much before the war began. You'd think it would get easier when they weren't facing constant evil. Soon Hermione felt warmth next to her and a hand around her shoulder. Then more warmth and a hand around her waist. Smiling she put her hand on Rons knee and head on Harry's shoulder. It was like old times when they were in school and they'd want to copy her homework. Now they'd grown up. They were all of muggle legal age and in 2 weeks school would be back in session. This was the last piece of the castle that needed to be finished for term to begin.

The tower was filled with many Gryffindors who came to repair where they stayed for many years. Neville, Ginny and even George were all helping. After a long hard day of fixing up the tower they completed it by putting pictures of Fred Weasley, Lavender Brown and Colin Creevey on the wall above the fireplace in the common room to show the bravery of the Gryffindors who fought the war and risked their lives. Everyone cried silent tears as they stared at their fallen classmates, friends and loved ones. It had been a very emotional day but the castle was done. Ready for the start of the year.

"Thank you very much Hermione. I'll see you at the start of term." She was hugged by Professor McGonagall. "I know you really were looking forward to being Head Girl, but I'd like to keep you as a prefect if that's alright. It will be a lot of stress to be Head Girl right after the war."

"No that's perfectly alright Professor, uh, Headmistress. I appreciate the thought."

Nodding, "There is much to do for me still." McGonagall left the common room.

Turning Hermione looked at her Gryffindor friends. "Have any of you decided to come back?"

Neville was surprisingly the first to speak. "I thought Harry or Ron would have told you?" Glancing in their direction he notinced they were avoiding eye contact with both him and Hermione. "The ministry offered all of us positions as Aurors yesterday. We start next week. They need our help to find some of the hidden Death Eaters."

"Oh. No. I wasn't aware. Well that's wonderful. I'm glad for all of you." Hermione tried to say cheerily though she was hurt that at least Ron hadn't told her sooner.

Sensing the tension Neville and many others took that opportunity to disappear and head home leaving Hermione, Ginny, George, Ron and Harry - both of whom were looking down at their feet still avoiding eye contact.

"Well I could use a bit of butterbeer, or a firewhiskey. Anyone care to join?" George said trying to break the awkward silence.. "I don't think I've taken you out yet Gin, now that you're of age."

"That would be nice. Maybe celebrate a proper coming of age night out." Ginny said smiling. "Perhaps we could go pick something up at Diagon Alley Hermione? We'll meet you lot at the Leaky Cauldron in two hours." Taking Hermione's hand the girls apparated in front of the doors of Madam Malkins.

 _*Pop*_

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Heading inside they started browsing dresses. Ginny was looking at short revealing dresses while Hermione was looking at more conservative dresses.

"Come on Hermione. Try something like this on. You've got a banging body. I'm sure my brother wouldn't mind." Ginny winked.

"That's the problem. I want your brother to touch me LESS. Those dresses won't help." She smiled back.

"Oh come now. Try this on." She dragged Hermione to the dressing rooms in the back. Hermione put on a V neck A-line black dress with a sparkling spiral design. It came up just above the knee and gave little imagination to her figure and shapely breasts. Coming out of the dressing stall she saw Ginny and her mouth dropped open. Ginny was wearing a shamrock colored dress that matched the color of Harry's eyes. It was a low V neck that stopped just above her navel with a clasp that clipped to keep it from opening all the way. It came up to mid thigh but became longer in the back hitting the back of the knees. Ginny blushed at Hermiones reaction. "You like it?"

"I think Harry will definitely like it!"

Laughing, "Are you going to get the dress? You look amazing in it."

"I think I might have to if I'm going to be standing next to you." Hermione laughed and they changed and headed to the register.

"I didn't know about them being offered a position as Auror either you know. I'm sure Harry would have told me before dad had the chance but I think they're a little nervous of our reactions. It's not exactly a safe position and both of us are headed back to Hogwarts. They probably didn't want to worry us."

"I guess you're right." Hermione was struggling to smile to assure her friend she wasn't hurt, failing. She needed to talk to someone about what has been going on and Ginny seemed well enough emotionally to talk to now. "It's just, Ron and I are already on rocky terms right now. When I go back to school and he starts a position as an Auror, we'll obviously never see each other. I love him, but I just don't feel I can help him right now. He hides his emotions in snogging and wants to shag and we're not ready for that yet. I don't want our first time to be because he's upset and just wants an escape. Maybe I'm a romantic, but I want him there. Both physically and emotionally."

"Can't blame you. Harry's the opposite, perfect gentleman. With us being apart for the next year I'm hoping this dress will get me lucky."

Laughing they purchased their dresses, matching heels and headed to the Leaky Cauldron to grab a room. Ginny calling dibs for the night. They showered and got dressed meeting the guys only ten minutes late.

Harry and Ron ogled Ginny and Hermione as they walked into the Leaky Cauldron. George was already on his second drink of firewhiskey when they got to the table.

"Wow Hermione! You look great! Gin, don't you think you should cover up a bit?" George said smirking at his sister.

"Oh don't be such a prat George. I'm of age. I'm doing nothing you didn't do at my age."

"That's what I'm afraid of. Come, let me buy my sister a proper drink."

They headed to the barkeep. George ordering a firewhiskey for Ginny and another for himself. Harry and Ron ordered wizard's brew while Hermione ordered a spiked butterbeer. They drank for hours when Ron started becoming extremely handsy. He put his hand on her thigh trying to move it upward but she was able to turn so it lost leverage on her leg and his hand dropped. The second time, she got up from the table and grabbed herself another butterbeer at the bar. Not spiked this time as she had already had 3 spiked butterbeers and a shot of firewhiskey with Ginny. She was glad her friend was enjoying herself. Looking at her as she waited for her drink she saw her sitting in Harry's lap, arms around his neck, chest practically in front of his face. Harry's hands were on the table and his cup. Perfect gentleman indeed. Past them she thought she saw the glimmer of white-blonde hair but after she blinked and focused her eyes, it was gone. Thanking the barkeep for her drink she went and sat down noticing her chair was several inches closer to Rons. Ron tried a third time, this time more aggressively placing his hand on her upper thigh pushing her dress up and moving his hand towards her inner thigh. Glaring at him frustrated Hermione excused herself for some fresh air so she didn't make a scene and embarrass him. She wasn't about to have sex given how drunk he was. He had already had countless wizards brews, some firewhiskey and fishy green ale. She was surprised she wasn't holding him up at this point.

It was dark so her eyes didn't need to adjust from the pub to outdoors. She figured it was close to eleven. Looking at the stars she inhaled deeply. She would have a lot to talk about with Estella tomorrow. Thinking about what Ginny said earlier, maybe she should consider shagging Ron. Was it her fault they were rocky? He wanted something and she didn't, but there was truly no reason she had for not wanting to. Would it help their relationship? Would it make it worse? Maybe they needed to talk about it.

"Oi there you are." Ron stumbled out of the pub towards her. Stopping directly in front of her he placed a very sloppy wet kiss on her lips falling forward a bit making her hit the wall.

"Mmmf". Pushing his chest a bit. "Ow, Ron, you're too drunk to stand."

Putting his hands on her waist and pulling her hips closer so she could feel his member growing larger he planted another wet sloppy kiss on her pushing his tongue inside without waiting for her acceptance.

Putting her hands on either side of his cheek a rock digging into her back she pushed his head away. "Ronald, please. You are much too drunk to even hold yourself up."

"Miiiiione." He whined. "You're drivings me mads. I wants you. I wants yours booody." He moved his hands upward towards her breasts quickly and grabbing them much harder than he meant to as he started falling forward into her again planting another forceful kiss on her lips.

"OWWMMM!"

Just then Ron was pulled off of her and stumbled to the ground.

"Do you mind Weasel? Some of us have just had a bite to eat and I'm afraid I might blow chunks watching you kiss. Nevermind the fact you're kissing a mudblood."

"Donut. Don not. You can't say that." Ron managed to get out slurring most of his words. Stumbling to get up he pulled his wand out and pointed it in the direction of Malfoy. "Stupidfy" A jet of red light came out and fizzled.

Harry, Ginny and George had just come out and took in the scene not sure of what was going on. Ron was using the wall to hold himself up yelling stupidfy again and again, Hermione was trying to pull his hand down and Malfoy was laughing.

"Hermione, you alright?" Harry asked.

"Weaslebee here can't hold his own damn liquor. Figures. Another poor excuse for a Pure-blood. Can't even cast a spell when he's had a bit to drink. I'm bored of this." Rolling his eyes he was gone with a *pop*.

"Unfortunately he's right Harry. Can you and George help me with Ron. I'll get us a room here. His mother would kill him if I took him home like this."

Hermione got two rooms as she didn't want George attempting to apparate after how much he had to drink either. George and Harry helped Ron up the stairs and dropped him face first on one of the two beds in the room. Rolling their eyes they left Hermione to handle Ron and headed to their rooms. Ginny with Harry. Sighing Hermione took of her heels, turned Rons head in case he vomited and laid in bed. Tossing and turning the entire night.

" _The sword mudblood! Where did you get it?"  
Tears were flooding her eyes as she started screaming from pain as a knife stabbed her arm.  
_" _I'm going to ask you again! Where did you get this sword? Where?"  
_ " _We found it! We found it! PLEASE! Screaming again as the pain seared through her forearm once more.  
You're lying, filthy mudblood, and I know it! You've been inside my vault at Gringotts! Tell the truth, tell the truth!" Carving more letters into Hermione's arm she screamed again. Eyes so blurry full of tears she couldn't see. She couldn't breath. "What else did you take? What else have you got? Tell me the truth, or I swear, I shall run you through with this knife!"  
Carving into her arm once again Hermione couldn't think. She could only focus on the pain that was searing through her arm. Pain from her fingers to her shoulder. Pain she'd never felt before.  
_" _What else did you take, what else? ANSWER ME! CRUCIO!" Not giving Hermione a chance to speak she used an unforgivable curse. Hermione's blood curdling scream echoed in the walls of Malfoy Manor.  
She couldn't breath. Her body was on fire. She was deaf to her own screams. It felt as though one thousand knives on fire were stabbing every part of her body. She felt Bellatrix reach over her body, releasing hold of the crucio curse, whisper "Filthy Mudblood" in her ear and stab the wounds in her arm. Screaming again in pain, her throat hoarse. She focused on the letters before her the smell of iron taking over her senses.  
MUDBLOOD._

Screaming herself awake, Hermione was covered in sweat and tears. Looking over to the bed next to her, Ron was still laying where the guys had placed him snoring loudly, surprised she didn't wake him. Panting she rounded to glance at the clock which read that it was only half past three. Trying to get back to sleep she tossed and turned some more until she figured she might as well get up. Casting a cleaning spell over the clothes she wore yesterday she drew a bath and cleansed her body. Looking down at her scar she traced the outline of the letters. The name didn't really bother her anymore as Malfoy used it so often she'd grown numb to it. Seeing it etched into her skin was entirely different though. She constantly cast a concealment charm on it because it was bloody ugly to look at. Though she supposed that was Bellatrix' purpose. Remind her of how ugly she thought her blood was.

Dressed she headed downstairs to let Ron continue sleeping. She had her appointment in eight hours. That gave her time to read a bit before the stores opened. Then she'd grab all of her books while she was there as it only made sense. Ron would probably wake up a bit after ten and then they could have brunch together; maybe a talk about his position as Auror before her appointment. She was quite hoping he didn't remember the night before as she wished she could forget about it as well.

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"'Mione!" Ron called to her as she walked into the Leaky Cauldron.

"Oh! I didn't realize you were up already. How you feeling?"

"Bit rough but I think I'll be alright. Only been up about an hour. I had a muffin but I saw your clothes so I assumed you'd be back and we could eat some breakfast together?"

"I'd love that."

"Brilliant." Looking over the menu they ordered a platter full of eggs, sausage, bacon and crumpets. "Did you get your school things this morning?"

"I did. I wanted to talk to you about your job."

Rolling his eyes. "Do we have to talk about this at breakfast?"

"I don't want to fight Ronald. I'm hurt you didn't tell me you were offered the position. I already knew you weren't coming back to Hogwarts so I'm plenty happy you'll be doing something other than eating sweets all day, I just wished you told me before Neville did."

"I should have. You're right. We've just been bickering a bit lately and quite frankly I didn't want to have another row." He said flatly and stuffed a crumpet in his mouth.

"I understand. What is going to happen for us while I'm away at Hogwarts?"

"What do you mean?" A few crumbs flying out of his mouth.

"Well, I'll be gone all year with the exception of holidays and you'll be working a lot."

"Are you saying you want to break up? After all these years we finally just got together and you want to throw it away?"

"No, I don't, but Ron, I truly believe you'll be able to benefit from not being tied down while I'm away." Looking into his eyes she could see he was hurt. "It's not something we need to address today", and she put her hand on his reassuring him that she deeply cared for him.

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Waving to the Welcome Witch she headed up to the fifth floor. It had been a long morning. Ron didn't recall what happened the night before and she felt guilty for bringing up that they break up. She could tell he didn't want to bring it up again but that he was still upset about it. Looking around she didn't see Malfoy so she assumed he was already in his session. Grabbing some tea she took a seat near the window gazing onto the street.

"Ms. Granger, you may come in."

Slightly surprised she hadn't seen Malfoy she stepped into the office. The fireplace was already lit, the ceiling was now enchanted a bright blue without a cloud in the sky. Much different than the current setting of dark and cloudy it was outside today.

"So Hermione. Should we carry on where we left off last week?"

"Actually Estella I have a lot on my mind today." She replayed the events of fixing up the school, and the night prior for the witch including what happened with Ron and the nightmare she had. She also recounted her talk with him earlier that morning.

"My my Hermione. You have been busy. I think you already know in your heart what you must do in regard to Ron. What I'd like to do is set you up with a course of action called imagery rehearsal therapy, or mastery dream as you may. What this will do is allow you to recreate the dream with a different outcome in a positive way, in the most typical sense, escaping. I don't think escaping will do in this case though as you had escaped soon after. What are some thoughts you have that could turn this negative dream into a more positive dream?"

"Well I suppose Ron or Harry could save me prior to getting mudblood carved into my arm?"  
"Ok, and how exactly would that happen? Weren't they the ones to save you after being locked in the dungeon?"

"True. I'd have to change the events from that whole afternoon."

After brainstorming many ideas, Hermione left with homework for the next week, something that made her giddy but sickly at the same time, She was to recreate her dream to try and prevent the nightmare from coming. Rounding the office she was so focused in thought she ran straight into someone.

"Oh sorr-" Looking up she realized it was Malfoy. "Hello Malfoy. Estella is in her office." Hermione said trying to sound casual.

"No late night rendezvous to keep you from your appointment then huh Granger?" Mocked Malfoy after recalling pulling Ron off of her.

"Ah, no. Thank you for that."

"I didn't do it for you. The mere sight of Weaslebee having his hands on you was enough to make me want to lose my dinner. I shall hope I never have to witness that again for fear of my eyes burning."

Getting defensive quickly she yelled, "You know Malfoy! You'd be bloody lucky to land a girl like me. I'm intelligent, funny, quick witted, attra-"

"Insufferable, compulsive, big-headed or big-haired in your case, fil-"

Hermione wound back and punched him square in the jaw as he started to say the word 'filthy'. She was already feeling like she wasn't going to be able to rid this nightmare with the words Bellatrix said repeating in her head over and over. She didn't need Malfoy to remind her of the same feelings his aunt had for her. Tears welled up in her eyes as she tried not to break down in front of him. Push hard to get past him, he pushed back, angry that she had now not only punched him once, but now twice.

Hermione stopped pushing though and lowered to the ground putting her hands around her shins and her head on knees as she began to cry. Feeling lost and confused, exhausted, she couldn't control the sobs. Malfoy stood there looking around, left, then a moment later sat down next to her pushing a cup of tea in her direction. Hermione gave him a puzzled look as her tears eased up but hiccuping.

"Mum cried a lot after the Dark Lord returned. She always made me bring her tea. Don't think anything of it." He got up and headed into Estella's office leaving Hermione to sip her tea alone.

Her mind stirring from their interaction she brought her cup back to the tea room and quickly pulled out the parchment of ideas she created with Estella on how to master her dream. She wrote one word.

 _Malfoy._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3.**

 **AN: Thank you so much for the feedback I've gotten so far! I truly appreciate it. I love this chapter. You'll definitely feel the direction it's going.**

 ***Disclaimer* I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or her work.**

Apparating back to the burrow she heard Molly Weasley screaming at someone. As she got closer she heard very clear as day it was to Ron, Harry and Arthur. Mrs. Weasley had just found out that they're not going back to school.

"You didn't think for one second Arthur that they should go to school and get their N.E.W.T.'s."

"Molly, dear, they both want to be Aurors, there isn't any score on N.E.W.T.'s that would prepare them that position than what they've already experienced. If anyone can help us catch the rest of the Death Eaters, it's these two. Well Hermione too, but she doesn't want to be an Auror."

There was a silence that either said Mr. Weasley was dead or Mrs. Weasley was conceding. Either way, she apparated straight to Ginny's bedroom to avoid the wrath of her when she was upset. She saw Ginny sitting on the edge of her bed listening intently for the lecture to be over.

"Hello Hermione. How was your appointment?"

"It was fine thank you."

"You always say 'fine'. I thought the point of you going was to get help? Is she not helping you?"

"Oh, no Ginny, she is. But it takes time. We're still evaluating a lot. I have some homework this week for my nightmares. It's going to be a bit difficult. I just didn't think you'd want to hear about it as you were very adamant before."

Smiling an apologetic smile she stood up and hugged Hermione. "I'm truly sorry I haven't been around. I know you have a lot going on too and have been trying to deal with my brother and I haven't been there."

"No it's ok Ginny. With everything with Fred and I know Harry's no cake walk when dealing with his troubles. I just miss you."

"Well we'll be at school soon. Can focus on us, but tell me about your appointment."

Hermione filled Ginny in on what they've been discussing and the mastery dream method she was going to try to use. She told her why she wasn't sure it would work and different ideas she had asking Ginny for her thoughts. She withheld her idea about Malfoy as she wasn't sure yet if she wanted to try that idea yet. Hours passed as they talked and caught up until George came in asking if they wanted to go to the Leaky Cauldron again. Not to get as drunk as they were the week before. While they were there they met up with Neville and Luna. Overall the night was great fun. They talked, they laughed, they danced, reluctantly by everyone else, but Ginny insisted and it was hard to deny her charm. Hermione went out for some air with Ron trailing behind her. They sat on a nearby wall with their arms wrapped around each other's waists.

"Tonight was fun." Ron said after a long silence.

"It really has been."

"Do you think we're better as friends?"

Taken aback Hermione wasn't sure if she wanted to answer this honestly or as she felt she should. Grabbing his hand to hold, she decided honest. "Sometimes. It's like we grew to love each other and sometimes I think our love is fogged by if it's supposed to be friendship or more. I don't think at this time we're ready for more. I love and care for you deeply, I just don't know if the timing is right and maybe that's why we bicker so much."

Nodding his head absorbing everything she had said it was a while before he spoke again. Hermione wasn't sure what he was thinking or if he was hurt, he was just sitting there with no reaction or emotion on his face. Studying him she was looking for anything that gave her an idea of what he could be thinking.

Letting go of her hand he slumped over with his elbows on his knees, he ran his fingers through his hair, and inhaled deeply.. "This was supposed to be easy for us." He sighed. "I think my brother's death was harder on me than I thought it was going to be. I know it's been hard, especially for George and Ginny. But even they're both getting back on their feet. Going out, talking and getting excited for life again. I just feel like I've lost out on time. Ginny was always close to the twins, Percy's always been a prat, Charlies in Romania and Bill's married to Fleur. Charlie and Bill were always close though. It's like the third child is always the odd one out. Percy has always had his work. What do I have? I can't make turn back time and spend more time with Fred. There's days I wish I could take Fred's place."

Hermione was shocked by the sudden outburst of feelings. "Well I don't wish you could take Fred's place. Honestly if anyone could take his place I'd wish it was one of the surviving Death Eaters. I know Fred's death is hard, but we're all here for you and you have the Auror job coming up. The ones that love us never really leave us."

"You can always find them in here." Ron finished holding his hand to his heart. Winking "Thank you Sirius." Taking a deep breath and sighing, "Maybe we are better as friends. Maybe just for now. I still love and care for you Hermione, but you're right. I don't need a relationship right now. I need to 'sort out my priorities'" He laughed while bumping her shoulder with his.

Smiling a small tear trickled down Hermione's cheek. Facing her Ron wiped it away gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. When he pulled away he kissed her forehead. They both knew this was for the best and they would always be close. Getting up, they held hands and walked inside.

Harry and Ginny had chosen to stay at the Leaky Cauldron while everyone else went home. Hermione was going to attempt her first night mastering her dream. She was hoping the tiny amount of alcohol would relax her body enough that she'd be able to control it. She cast a silencing spell on the room so she wouldn't wake everyone in the house if she woke up screaming, should it not work. As instructed by Estella she attempted to start the dream in her head just as she was about to fall asleep. She thought about jinxing Harry and the snatchers catching them. Then being tied to Dean and Griphook. The fact that it was her fault they were outed. Harry had done a great job passing as Dudley, but she wasn't a convincing Penelope. Having the Daily Prophet was a bad idea and they should have rid it. It was her fault.

 _Harry and Ron were led down the stairs still tied to Dean and Griphook. Bellatrix grabbed Hermione and threw her to the ground by her hair..  
_ " _The sword mudblood! Where did you get it?"  
Tears were flooding her eyes as she started screaming from pain as a knife stabbed her arm.  
_" _I'm going to ask you again! Where did you get this sword? Where?"  
_ " _We found it! We found it! PLEASE! Screaming again as the pain seared through her forearm once more.  
Ron and Harry were able to knock Fenrir down the stairs and came climbing back up the stairs with Dean and Griphook.  
_" _Get off of her Bellatrix! We'll save you 'Mione!"  
Throwing him and the others in Hermione's direction Ron tried knocking Bellatrix off of Hermione. Lucius cast a spell in body-binding jinx on Ron then Harry, Dean and Griphook. Lucius grabbed them and tossed them down the stairs. Easily one of them could have broken their necks.  
Looking back at Hermione, "You're lying, filthy mudblood, and I know it! You've been inside my vault at Gringotts! Tell the truth, tell the truth!" Carving more letters into Hermione's arm she screamed again. Eyes so blurry full of tears she couldn't see. She couldn't breath. "What else did you take? What else have you got? Tell me the truth, or I swear, I shall run you through with this knife!"  
Carving into her arm once again Hermione couldn't think. She could only focus on the pain that was searing through her arm. Pain from her fingers to her shoulder. Pain she'd never felt before.  
_" _What else did you take, what else? ANSWER ME! CRUCIO!" Not giving Hermione a chance to speak she used an unforgivable curse. Hermione's blood curdling scream echoed in the walls of Malfoy Manor.  
She couldn't breath. Her body was on fire. She was deaf to her own screams. It felt as though one thousand knives on fire were stabbing every part of her body. She felt Bellatrix reach over her body, releasing hold of the crucio curse, whisper "Filthy Mudblood" in her ear and stab the wounds in her arm. Screaming again in pain, her throat hoarse. She focused on the letters before her the smell of iron taking over her senses.  
MUDBLOOD. _

Gasping for air Hermione was once again screaming herself awake. It was obvious that wasn't going to work. Sitting up she rubbed her temples. Covered in sweat and tears she glanced at the clock. Almost four. She wouldn't be able to get back to sleep nor could she go and shower as it was too early. She thought back to the thoughts she had before she had fallen into a deep sleep. _It was my fault. Everything that had happened that day was because of me. I am a mudblood. I am the reason I have this scar. My blood._ She started to weep. She looked down at her scar as tears fell onto it. Staring at her scar until her eyes went blurry and she cried herself to sleep.

"Hermione dear, it's nearly noon. We're going to head to Diagon Alley to get Ginny's books. Would you like to come?" Mrs. Weasley was at her bedside shaking her awake with a cup of water. Taking it she nodded.

"I'm telling you mum, it's not like her to sleep this late."

"Well did you two have a row?"

"No, we actually talked -" Hermione had walked in smiling after having gotten ready to go. Glancing towards Ron she walked up and gave him an extra long hug thankful for how great they felt. It wasn't an awkward hug between two people who had just broken up, but a comforting hug that told him this is what she needed. "You ok 'Mione? I was worried about you."

"Better Ron. Just had another nightmare."

Nodding, they all Flooed to Diagon Alley where they met up with Ginny and Harry. Ginny was extremely giddy this afternoon which led Hermione to believe that Ginny had gotten what she wanted after all. She couldn't tell if Ron was happy for Harry or nauseous and that made her laugh uncontrollably. They went about gathering the rest of Ginny's school books. Hermione double and even triple checked that she had all of her needs. She did, of course.

When they were finished Mrs. Weasley and Ron went to check in with George. It was his first week back in the joke shop and she wanted to make sure he was all set with everything. Ron had offered to help take care of things at the shop when he could before he started work as an Auror. Harry and Ginny went to look at brooms which was Hermione's least favorite thing to do so she took off by herself to the Apothecary. She was hoping for more Dreamless Sleep Draught and to gather ingredients to make her own.

Entering she was welcomed by the shopkeep and headed in the direction of the potion. She grabbed a few as she did want to try Estella's assignment again, but she knew they were going to exhaust her further. She then worked her way to the ingredients, looking at each one. She decided to quiz herself.

"Aconite - Used in wolfsbane. Alihotsy - Used in laughing potions, Ashwinder Eggs - Used in love potions -.

"Something you'll never find."

"Excuse me?" Offended Hermione couldn't see who spoke as they were on the other side of the wall of ingredients. Coming around the jars was Draco Malfoy. Rolling her eyes she opened her mouth to speak but he cut her off.

"Careful Granger your eyes are going to get stuck like that if you keep that up, though that might be of some improvement."

"Well if you wouldn't make stupid comments then I wouldn't roll my eyes all the time."

"Speaking of stupid. How's Weaslebees 'Stupidfy' spell coming along? Getting anywhere with that?" Sneered Malfoy

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes again. "He was extremely drunk that night Malfoy."

"Ah that explains the touching you part. Forgot your blood might make him dirty."

"You and I have the same blood. I thought you'd have realized that when I broke your nose third year."

Scowling at her he pushed past her bumping her shoulder, most likely adding to the bruise that had formed the time before. As he walked past her he nonchalantly rubbed his nose where the scar was left trying not to give her the satisfaction of seeing it, which, of course she did.

Giggling to herself she continued reciting the ingredients and their uses as she grabbed what she needed for the Dreamless Sleep potions she'd need. She'd won today.

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Each night she had attempted a different way of thinking, each night ending the same. After her first unsuccessful attempt she not only some how got Ron killed, Harry killed and her killed in the following nights. Screaming awake each time. Ginny had become aware of her screaming the third night when she had gone to bed late. Hermione explained what her homework was and how she was trying to do it. The fourth and fifth night she stayed awake until Hermione would start screaming then climbed into bed with her to wake her up and stay as she took the Dreamless Sleep potion hoping to keep her calm. Hermione didn't mind the company now that her and Ron were no longer together.

Six days after her last session, Ron and Harry were getting ready to head to their first day of Auror training. They'd be gone for a few weeks and would miss Hermione and Ginny heading to Hogwarts. Today was going to be full of goodbyes. Mrs. Weasley was hugging both of them, then each individually, giving them specific instructions to eat, be careful and come back alive.  
Hermione gave Harry a hug, kissed his cheek while he kissed her forehead then moving to Ron, giving Harry and Ginny time to say goodbye.

"You'll be careful won't you?"

"Well I'll probably get in a bit more trouble not having you about." Ron chuckled back smiling at her and putting his hands on her waist and forehead against hers.

"Just promise me you'll take care of yourself. Get the help you need? Take care of Harry?"

"Oi, that's a lot to ask for 'Mione. I can promise I'll try though. I'll watch out for him and take care of myself." Then he kissed her lips softly. It wasn't a romantic passionate kiss, but a friendly, 'I'll miss you' kiss. They definitely did work better as friends.

Saying goodbye, everyone had sulked around the rest of the day. No one was in the mood for jokes or talking. They simply wanted to be.

Late that night Hermione looked at her list of possibilities to try. She crossed the ones she'd try out, and the ones she knew due to the other failed dreams, would not work. That left her with one left to try before her appointment the next morning.

 _Malfoy._

The thought made her stomach churn. Six days ago she wrote his name down after he had given her tea when she started to cry. He showed a softer side, something she had seen before in sixth year and even at the manor. He had stumbled to admit she was who she was and completely lying about Harry. Of course he knew who they were. Lying about her would be crazy and he surely could have died on the spot had he admitted it. She knew that, he was between a rock and a hard place just like Snape had been. He also showed kindness through his derogatory remarks though.

 _Don't think anything of it._

Stupid Malfoy, he should have known better. That's exactly what she was going to do. To her advantage though. Every scenario she came up with left someone hurt, or the letters still on her arm. She couldn't erase the letters and she knew that. Logically speaking, she couldn't erase the damage. But getting the nightmares to stop, getting her mind clear, getting Bellatrix out of her dreams, surely, she could try anything. Thinking, she had to figure out a way to get Malfoy to help her. _He could push Bellatrix off of her. Cast a spell on her. No that would surely get him killed. What if he didn't out her? Would they definitely turn on him? His mother was standing there and she would certainly never let anything happen to him. Or would she? She stood by while she watched her son get branded. No, maybe it's best to just wing it._ She closed her eyes, starting in the forest with the snatchers then apparated to the manor. Draco was standing there next to his parents, looking at her, "Uh, maybe, yeah" he said confirming her identity.

" _But maybe I should be sure, maybe I should take her to my room."  
_ Opening her eyes. _No that's silly. That would never happen._ _Think Hermione. Ok so where do I see Malfoy._ She closed her eyes trying to look into the picture of the scene played in her head. Soon she succumbed to sleep.

 _Harry and Ron were led down the stairs still tied to Dean and Griphook. Bellatrix grabbed Hermione and threw her to the ground by her hair..  
_ " _The sword mudblood! Where did you get it?"  
Tears were flooding her eyes as she started screaming from pain as a knife stabbed her arm.  
_" _I'm going to ask you again! Where did you get this sword? Where?"  
_ " _We found it! We found it! PLEASE! Screaming again as the pain seared through her forearm once more.  
_ " _You're lying, filthy mudblood, and I know it! You've been inside my vault at Gringotts! Tell the truth, tell the truth!" Carving more letters into Hermione's arm she screamed again. Eyes so blurry full of tears she couldn't see. She couldn't breath. "What else did you take? What else have you got? Tell me the truth, or I swear, I shall run you through with this knife!"  
Carving into her arm once again Hermione couldn't think. She could only focus on the pain that was searing through her arm. Pain from her fingers to her shoulder. Pain she'd never felt before.  
_" _What else did you take, what else? ANSWER ME! CRUCIO!" Not giving Hermione a chance to speak she used an unforgivable curse. Hermione's blood curdling scream echoed in the walls of Malfoy Manor.  
She couldn't breath. Her body was on fire. She was deaf to her own screams. It felt as though one thousand knives on fire were stabbing every part of her body. She felt Bellatrix reach over her body, releasing hold of the crucio curse, whisper "Filthy Mudblood" in her ear and stab the wounds in her arm. Screaming again in pain, her throat hoarse. _

_She looked into the distance. The pure agony of Draco Malfoy's face as he watched his fellow classmate be humiliated in front of him. As Bellatrix was distracted by Ron and Harry he cast a wordless anti-pain spell. Soon her body felt bliss. She could no longer smell iron. She smelled roses. He had put a bliss spell on her to hide the agony of her arm. Losing eye contact as his wand flew from his hand, Hermione was being dragged and soon she felt a pulling sensation one could only associate with apparition._

 _The vision faded and she was left with no dreams. Completely in the dark._

Yawning and shifting slightly she felt Ginny next to her. Her sudden movement causing Ginny to start blinking her eyes awake.

"Sorry for waking you Gin."

Yawning, "You didn't scream at all. I got tired so I climbed in. Did you take a potion last night? No nightmares? Sleep well?"

"Well. I did but I didn't. It's strange really The actions still happened, but the end was sweeter."

"Well that's fantastic isn't it? C'mon. Mum won't like it if we're late for breakfast."

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As she had every Thursday she entered St. Mungo's, said hello to the Welcome Witch and headed to the fifth floor. She was in a pretty pleasant mood considering she completed her homework just in time. Who knew Malfoy would be her answer. She supposed anyone could be the answer, but last night it was Malfoy definitely. She'll put that theory to test tonight and use someone else. Maybe Ron. She then heard screaming coming from Estella's office. Reaching the door, grabbing the handle, she stopped dead in her tracks and listened. She heard crashing, then speaking. She listened closer to hear what they were saying before she barged right in to save Estella from whom she assumed to be Malfoy as his appointment was right before hers.

"No Estella! I will not calm down! She's everywhere I go! She's in my head! She's in my nightmares! Why can't you just allow me to buy some Dreamless Sleep!"

"Mr. Malfoy you have strong demons that you need to face and conquer. Maybe if you talked to her you-"

"Right bloody likely!"

"Watch your tongue Mr. Malfoy."

"Sod off."

Sighing. "Mr. Malfoy. Ms. Granger will be any minute. I will see you at Hogwarts next Thursday. Do sleepwell in the time being and please try to focus on changing the outcome."

Hermione backed away from the door quickly and ran towards the stairs pretending to have just come up them as Estella opened the door for Malfoy to walk out. He must be trying to do mastery dreaming as well. He tensed as she looked over at him.

"Ah, Ms. Granger, do take a seat. I'll be with you momentarily. Seems my office is a bit upside down at the moment." Walking back into her office giving Malfoy a momentary glare.

Heading into the tea room she heard footsteps behind her, without looking she asked. "Would you like me to make you some tea Malfoy."

"You'd probably poison it."

"No Malfoy, I'd add a love potion to it. Making you fall madly in love with me." She said rolling her eyes as she pulled two cups from the cupboard. "Black right? Or do you prefer it mud colored?"

"If you do anything to my -"

"I'm not going to do anything to your cup of tea. Don't think anything of it." Handing him the cup using his own words against him both of them sitting down. "So what did you do to her office?"

"None of your bloody business."

Nodding. "Lost your temper. Again."

"Sod off Granger." Looking down at his tea taking a big sip. Then looking back at her. Hermione was staring intently at him. His eyes were still bloodshot, obviously by the lack of sleep he was experiencing. Looking into his eyes they looked rather in pain though. Screaming for help. Screaming for someone, anyone to help him. His stature was cold, shut out, not willing anyone letting in to help him. He looked away as if she was burning a hole in his soul with her eyes.

"I'm ready for you Ms. Granger." Estella called after fifteen minutes. He really must have done a number to her office. Getting up she nodded to Malfoy who grunted and turned away. Entering the office the fireplace was lit and the sky resembled a clear blue sky once again. Then she told Estella about her week. Ron and Harry leaving, her nightmare failures and her final dream.

She left Estella's office with what might be her most difficult homework assignment ever to date; get to know _Malfoy._


	4. Chapter 4 - First Day

**AN: Thank you so much for the reviews, favorites and follows! I haven't decided how long this is going to be yet or if I'll do a sequel. We'll see. This should have been up MUCH sooner but I started reading The Deadline by Lena Phoria (The author of Cruel and Beautiful World and Sunken Eyes, though I must admit...I did NOT and have not still read the original version, but her series is just as fantastic.) and I got lost in the 39 chapters of amazingness and couldn't put it down until I found out how it ended. Beautifully done.**

 **This is just really just a filler chapter, but start of school is never much fun is it.**

 ***Disclaimer* I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or JKR's work.**

Hermione laid in the grass outside the Burrow thinking of her conversation the day before with Estella. _We all have demons Ms. Granger. It's why the demons are there, and how we conquer them that makes us who we are. You obviously think Mr. Malfoy has a good heart if you think he'd try to alleviate the pain you were experiencing. I think it'd be good for you to get to know him. If fact, why don't we make that your long term homework._ It's true that she thought he had changed a bit, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's not still the same Malfoy she knew from the early days in school. In his early years he was all bark no bite. In fact, other than the Mudblood term he called her constantly, most of his insults were targeted at Ron and Harry. She started to think back to some of his insults. Mudblood was almost in every single one. There were a few times he seemed to generally care, though it could have just been her trying to redeem him in her own mind. _During the Quidditch World Cup he did suggest we move if I didn't want to get spotted and he didn't call me a mudblood then_ , _alright, he did, but not initially. Only when Harry tried arguing with him about her being a muggle._ Sighing she put her arms over her eyes to block the sun. Malfoy definitely was nicer to her than the others, except for his blood slur which she had grown accustomed to. Could she really do this?

"Whatcha thinking about?" Ginny said laying down on the grass beside her.

"Malfoy." It was an honest slip, but her eyes widened under her arms hoping Ginny hadn't heard her. She heard Ginny snort a laugh. _Nope she definitely heard me_. "Rather, my homework from Estella that includes Malfoy.

"Oh? Please do explain why you're thinking about that git. What homework could Estella possibly have given you that would include him?"

Sighing and bringing her arm down to look at Ginny, "Malfoy apparently has a good side and she wants me to get to know him better. I'm not sure what that will accomplish in regards to my nightmares, but I guess I'm willing to try. Mastery dreaming seems to have worked right? I didn't have another nightmare last night."

"I guess. I'm not sure I can change my opinion of him Hermione. He bloody well hates our family."

"I suppose. Though, I don't believe he's really taunted you has he, just Ron?"

Thinking for a while Ginny thought back to all of her interactions with Malfoy. "No I suppose not. Just antagonized my little crush for Harry. But I suppose that all worked out for me in the end so I truly can't complain. Alright. I'll help where I can. I can't promise we'll be friends."

"Estella never said we had to be friends. Just get to know him better." Hermione said laughing. "You really don't have to Gin. It's my homework, not yours." Secretly glad she offered to help.

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The next four days flew by and soon they found themselves at Kings Cross Station. Taking a deep breath she glanced at Ginny to make sure she was as ready as she wasn't. Ginny squeezed her hand, nodded and the girls ran into Platform 9 ¾. As soon as they emerged there was an eruption of applause from parents and other students. Mrs. and Mr. Weasley pushed ahead of the girls protecting Hermione. They weren't sure what the reaction was going to be but she heard many thank you's as she pushed through the crowd. Mr. Weasley took her and Ginny's bags so they could jump onto the train quicker. Mrs. Weasley gave Hermione a quick hug and a packed lunch and pushed her in the direction of the train while embracing GInny for an extra long hug. Hermione was looking for an empty compartment when a bunch of first years darted out of a compartment she had just walked past and started running after her. Jumping into the first compartment she saw, she locked it still facing it and waiting for the first years to go past, not realizing just what compartment she had jumped into. Hearing a cough she pulled to her senses and turned around looking straight into the bloodshot grey eyes. Again. Then to the sleeping Goyle that was on the other side of him.

"Is there a reason you've chosen our compartment Granger?"

Composing herself, she made it seem like she walked into theirs on purpose. "I figured us repeat seventh years could sit together. Make it less awkward for us to return."

"Well get out. We don't want - "

" _YOUR_ kind here." Hermione interjected mocking him.

Scowling, "Exactly"

"What no mudblood this time? My Malfoy, you're losing your touch."

"Can't handle a few first years Mudblood?" Pretending he hadn't heard her.

"What's it to you? You're obviously hiding out as well. How long have you even been on the train? I didn't see your parents."

"How could you? You all but got mauled coming through the platform. It was a great distraction for me to slip behind you and sneak on without a public show."

From outside the door they heard someone whispering her name, who she recognized to be Ginny. Mrs. Weasley must have just let her go with mere minutes to spare before the train started. She got up and opened the door seeing the appalled look on Ginny when she saw who she was sitting with. Walking in and sitting in the corner of the couch on the same side of Goyle careful not to wake him.

"Everywhere else is full. Looks like we're stuck here for the train ride." Ginny spoke to just Hermione not daring a glance at Goyle or Malfoy.

"Wonderful." Malfoy turned his body to square away from them. This was going to be a long day.

The train ride was quiet until Goyle startled all of them with a loud yawn as he woke up. Fluttering his eyes open he saw Hermione sitting across from him then turning he saw Ginny and jumped back trying to escape into his seat more to get away from the girl.

"What the bloody 'ell are you doing 'ere? Get out of 'ere."

"Oh quiet Goyle, Hermione and I been here the last two hours. We're not about to move now."

"Bloody 'ell Malfoy! You allowed this?"

"Had no choice. Granger was running from some first years and locked herself in here. The train had started moving when Potter's Protector showed up."

"Really Goyle, it's not a big deal. The three of us have been through terrible things and we saved you back in May so I'm sure you can endure our company for a few more hours." Hermione retorted watching him shift uncomfortably which caused Ginny to smile.

"Anything off the trolly dears?" The trolly witch opened the door and looked into the compartment her eyes widening at the random group of witches and wizards. They all denied her and she kept going mumbling, "The war certainly brings people together".

"Just ignore them as I have been. I'm going to take a nap now."

"Looks like you've needed more than a nap for months now."

"Concerned about my well being huh Granger? Want to cuddle too?" He said sarcastically laughing, though his eyes said something entirely different. They looked as if he did want someone to cocoon him so he could sleep. She didn't get to look for long before he was leaning back and closing his eyes. Goyle looked at the two girls and thought it was be best to pretend he was also sleeping until they heard both of them snoring faintly. Looking at each other they smiled and rolled their eyes in unison. Who knew they'd be sitting in a compartment today with Malfoy and Goyle. It was definitely going to be a year of changes. Hermione and Ginny talked the rest of the way only waking Malfoy and Goyle up when they were heading to the thestrals.

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With a mildly charcoaled hat the sorting ceremony was done and all the first years were sorted in their respective houses. Many of the new teacher were introduced, including Fleur Delacour as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher as well as Estella as the school Healer for those who faced challenges after the war. Many of the older students shifted uncomfortably most remembering the horrors of the war or their last year here at Hogwarts with the Carrows. While quite a few of the first years started asking questions to those students about the war.

"Students. Students. Please quiet down." Professor McGonagall - which she preferred to go by, similar to the late Professor Dumbledore; voice booming causing the murmurs to die down quickly. "While our younger students may be excited to talk about the war, many of the older students and the staff are just not ready yet. I also do ask that you leave our repeat seventh years alone as they are here to complete their N.E.W.T.s, not relive a war."

After the great feast had ended they retreated to their dormitories. Ginny and Hermione were sharing with Fay Dunbar and Sophie Roper, both of whom were repeat seventh years that Hermione hadn't gotten to know very well over the last eight years. They excitedly made the place "like home" and were talking about their classes. Hermione already had a full schedule with her seven N.E.W.T classes. She was going to have to work extra hard to achieve her O in DADA. She had three courses without Ginny. Arithmancy, DADA and Ancient Runes. The other four classes, Transfiguration, Potions, Charms and Herbology, would be taken together with Fay and Sophie. Hermione then went to the library to study as she had missed a whole year and needed to brush up on her skills. Telling Ginny not to wait up as she'll be back late.

Walking from the Gryffindor Tower to the library she felt a wide variety of feelings. Relief to be back and safe. Sadness without Ron, Harry or Dumbledore. Excited to finish her education and start her career much like her friends, making a mental note to head to the Owlery after the library to send a letter to Harry and Ron. Soon she had arrived at the library and studied until Madam Pince closed up. She felt like herself again, being lost in books, studying. It was bittersweet. Walking to the Owlery she wrote her letter to Harry and Ron.

 _To the boys of the broken Golden Trio,_

 _Ginny and I arrived safely at Hogwarts though it was tough getting through the crowd. The train ride was pretty uneventful. Our first Hogsmeade trip will be on Halloween this year. I'd like if you could make it. I can't wait to start classes in the morning and I hope you both are being safe._

 _Love always,_

 _The girl of the broken Golden Trio._

Giggling to herself as she wrote the final words she went and attached the parchment to an owl and left. Walking into the hallway she saw a figure walking back and forth, once, twice. They were trying to get into the Room of Requirement. Speeding up she saw it, the white-blond hair just as he turned to walk past the third time.

"Malfoy?" She called causing him to stop and turn to her. He looked worse now than when she saw him on train. "Why are you trying to get into the Room of Requirement?"

"None of your bloody business Mudblood." Malfoy sneered, but immediately grabbed his head. Starting to sway he threw his arm out to catch himself on what he was hoping would be the wall. Instead his hand landed against Hermione's shoulder. She instantly grabbed it seeing he was having difficulty standing upright and tried to brace him which was a bit difficult given how much shorter she was than him. Wrapping his arm around her neck across her should she grabbed she tried to steady him panic rising in her stomach.

"Malfoy, what's wrong?" Trying to sound calm.

"Spinning" He barely managed to spit the words out before stumbling sideways into Hermione causing her to trip as she tried to brace the two of them. Toppling to the ground she landed on her hip and leg as Malfoy fell on top of her rolling off of her groaning and grabbing his head.

"I'll get help! Stay here" She took off running to the hospital wing banging on Madam Pomprey's door when she arrived. Panting in between words she managed,. "Malfoy. Pain. Floor. Seven.", before Madam Pomphrey took off to the seventh floor, Hermione running behind her.

Looking him over, she didn't see any cuts or bruises, just the constant groaning while he held his head. "Mr. Malfoy, other than your head are you hurt anywhere?" She received a grunt back.

"Right then." Levitating him she and Hermione walked back to the hospital wing. "What was he doing on the seventh floor?"

"I'm not sure, I was at the Owlery walking back to the tower and I saw him. He started stumbling and I tried to help him, but we both ended up falling to the floor." She left out the part about the Room of Requirement as the last time he spent some time up there he let the Death Eaters in. Once back in the hospital wing Hermione sat in the chair next to his bed while Madam Pomphrey checked him over more thoroughly.

"Is there anything else you can tell me Ms. Granger? Has he been acting weird?"

"Well, on the train his eyes were still blood-shot. He took a nap. Otherwise I haven't seen him since Estella's office last week."

"Right, can you go fetch Estella? Maybe she can give me some insight as to what's happened to Mr. Malfoy."

After Hermione got Estella she sat by while they spoke in private. Listening to him groan while his hands still held very tightly to his head. She watched as a tear escaped his eye and placed her hand on his arm to let him know he wasn't alone.

"Alright Ms. Granger, I think it's time for us to leave. It's way past curfew and Madam Pomphrey has the information she needs to heal Mr. Malfoy here."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Seems lack of sleep has either caused him to go insane or just have an extreme migraine. We see them a lot in people who haven't slept in many days and I am sure Mr. Malfoy hasn't slept in quite some time." Hermione nodded and they walked back. As they approached the entrance to the Fat Lady Estella turned to Hermione. "Remember when I said I'd like you to get to know Mr. Malfoy?" Hermione nodded again. "Ms. Granger, I urge you to try. His health may very well depend on it."

"Can I ask why this is so important?"

"Unfortunately I can't answer that. You may find that answer soon, if you should get to know him. I feel it will be beneficial for both of you. You both have seen many disturbances that no child should ever have to see. It's in these times we need to lean upon each other to conquer those demons. Goodnight Ms. Granger. I will see you the day after tomorrow."

Watching as Estella walked away she turned to the portrait and whispered 'Courage'.

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Waking up precisely at six in the morning she started her morning routine. Shower, teeth and try to tame the mess of hair that has haunted her since she was a small girl. Taking a minute she thought about her mother trying to comb her hair when she was little.  
 _Hermione dear, just relax, I promise it will be just a moment. Oh dear...Hunny! Could you grab the detangler! I've got the comb stuck again. I swear to you Hermione, one of these days your hair is going to be better._ Which of course came only with magic. Looking back at her reflection she wiped a tear off her face. She'd love to be able to see her parents again. For them to hold her. To love her. Right now, she was an orphan. Sure she had the Weasley's and Harry, but it wasn't the same as her own parents. The memories she shared with them. The first day of school, them taking her to Diagon Alley, sending her off to a magical world. Another tear, and another. Soon the tears were endless. She missed her parents greatly.

Composing herself after several minutes she went back into the shared dormitory, grabbed her bag with her books, quills, inks and other items she knew she'd need for the day and headed to the hospital wing before breakfast. She wanted to check on Malfoy. Madam Pomphrey was already bustling around and had already tended to her first patient of the school year.

"Mr. Granger! I'm surprised to see you this morning? I thought you didn't get on well with Mr. Malfoy."

"Umm. Well. We're not really friends, but I wanted to be sure he was alright after last night."

"He should be. I gave him a couple dreamless sleep potions. Seems he hasn't slept in months and that just won't do for the first day of school. He should be well enough to attend the first class. Oh! If you'll excuse me, I should grab him some morning breakfast." Madam Pomphrey headed to the back office and what she assumed called a house elf to put in an order for food.

"We're not friends Granger."

Shocked at the raspy voice she turned to see Malfoy attempting to sit up in his chair. The color had started to come back in his face, his eyes a little less blood-shot than they had been the last few months she'd seen him. He definitely looked healthier. On instinct she brought him a glass of water. By the sounds of his raspy voice, it was dry.

"Forget everything that happened last night mudblood. Nothing happened. I'm fine and you certainly didn't need to come down here. We're NOT friends."

"I'm not claiming to be Malfoy. I just happened to be in the right place at the -"

"Nothing happened."

Feeling her anger rise, "So you're just sitting here in the hospital wing on your own accord then? Just playing silly buggers? Think it'd be fun to waste Madam Pomphrey's potions do you?"

"I SAID NOTHING HAPPENED LAST NIGHT MUDBLOOD! LISTEN TO ME YOU INSUFFERABLE KNOW IT ALL! NOTHING HAPPENED!"

Tears welling up in her eyes, she got up from the chair, scowled at him and walked out. She didn't know why Malfoy was getting under her skin. She knew he had changed, but he's definitely not acting like he's changed at all. Still the same old school bully. Still the same jerk that calls her a mudblood. Why should she get to know him? He'd never try with her. He'd push her, call her names. It wasn't worth it and that's just how it was. Screw his health.

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"Hermione! I missed you at breakfast this morning! Did you enjoy Runes and Arithmancy? I loved having the extra free time this morning."

"It was wonderful Ginny. Not too many people, as always, but I've already got loads of homework and essays to do."

Laughing and rolling her eyes, "Of course you get excited for homework. We have potions with the Slytherins this morning. I wonder what type of potions we'll be doing this year."

Filling their plates they ate, Ginny talked to many of the others about Quidditch being the captain of the team. Hermione tuned them out and started reading her Ancient Runes book glancing up to the Slytherin table where her eyes locked on Malfoy. He was sitting with Goyle with a permanent scowl on his face and was barely touching his food. He wasn't looking any better than he was this morning. Finishing her plate she headed to Potions to start the reading for class.

"Sucking up on the first day already Granger?" Said a voice getting closer. Hermione recognized it instantly and decided it best just to ignore him for now. They were now sitting beside her.

"I'm expecting Ginny to sit there Malfoy."

"No, I think I'll take this seat today. The girl Weasel can find her own seat."

Rolling her eyes she got up to move but felt a hand wrap around her arm and pull her back down to her seat.

"What is your problem Malfoy?"

Staring her down she could see him trying to come up with something to say. Hermione got up again giving him less time to think about what he was going to say. "I'd rather work with someone competent." He blurted out as students started arriving as well as Professor Slughorn, so she took her seat back next to Malfoy. Rolling her eyes towards Ginny as she walked in seeing she was seated next to Malfoy. Smiling and winking Ginny sat next to Goyle watching him flinch away from her which made her laugh hard. Catching Professor Slughorn's attention to be brought to her.

"Ah, Ms. Weasley, sitting next to Mr. Goyle today? Good. Good. Today we'll be pairing you up, and these will be your partners for term as you work through various potions, starting with the Shrinking Solution to refresh your minds. I see Ms. Grangers already working with Mr. Malfoy, so let's pair off the rest of you lot."

He went through name by name matching Gryffindor to Slytherin. Most students knew of his method by now so there wasn't much groaning as they knew it was best just to suck it up. They grabbed their cauldrons and got their materials out as they started working on the Shrinking Solution. She split half of the ingredients with Malfoy and quietly they got their potion done.

"Well done both of you! This is a perfect shrinking solution. You two make a good team." Professor Slughorn said after inspecting their solution before an explosion happened behind them. "AH! Ms. Dunbar! Are you alright? Class dismissed and please don't step into any of the spilt potion. "

Gathering her items and setting the potion aside for Professor Slughorn she waited for Malfoy to move to avoid going through the center of the room where the majority of the solution was. He turned, dropping the scowl from his face only slightly.

"You want to know what I was doing up there last night? Meet me there right at curfew tonight. If you're late, you'll never know." Then he turned and left leaving her to contemplate. Should she go?


	5. Chapter 5 - Malfoy and the RoR

**Chapter 5 Malfoy and the Room of Requirement.**

 ***Disclaimer* I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or JKR's work.** **  
**

 **A/N I had actually planned on making this a bit shorter, but figured I'd give a bit more instead. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please leave some reviews! I truly love reading them. Thanks! See you next time.**

The rest of the day seemed to have dragged on as Hermione waited for nine to roll around. She still hadn't decided if she should go and it was already dinner time. Ginny was looking at Hermione questionably as she moved her food around her plate with her fork paying no mind to the food. In one hand she was extremely curious, on the other hand she wondered if it was a trap. He had ignored her the rest of the day, which only tempted her more to look in the direction of the Slytherin table, which she refrained from.

Once Ginny had finished eating, she stood up pulling Hermione back to the present. Realizing the time she glanced up at Ginny standing up as well to head out of the Great Hall to the Gryffindor Common Room with her. As they walked out she stole a peek at the Slytherin table and instantly locked with the silver eyes she'd grown accustomed to seeing over the last 2 months. She quickly turned her gaze away after what she thought was a wink from him. It must have been a figment of her imagination.

Walking quietly down the corridors and up to the Common Room, it wasn't until they were tucked in the same corner she usually sat in with her best boy friends in the previous years that Ginny finally spoke to her.

"Alright missy, out with it. You barely touched your supper and you've been lost in your thoughts all night." Ginny spoke with her no nonsense voice she picked up from Mrs. Weasley.

Looking into the eyes of her best friend, she knew there'd be no reason to lie to her. Quickly she put up a silencing charm alarming Ginny of how serious this might be. "I just don't want eavesdroppers as I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet." Hermione stated noticing how nervous her friend looked. She then went on about the night before and seeing Malfoy in front of the Room of Requirement, the Hospital Wing and Potions class. As she spoke the redhead's jaw dropped slowly until Hermione had finished. Placing her fingers under Ginny's chin she pushed it up to close it.

"Well you're going right?"

"I'm not sure Gin. I have two hours to decide. What if it's a trap?"

"Don't be stupid. He wouldn't try to pull anything on his first couple of days back Hermione. They've just cleared their family name at the ministry. He'd be off his rocker to do anything, especially so close to the end of the war."

Pondering a moment, Hermione knew she was probably right. "I guess that settles it then. I'll go meet him to see what he's up to. If I feel it's a trap, I'll leave."

"If you don't return by midnight, I'll come looking for you. I do suggest taking the cloak though. I nabbed it off Harry before they left."

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Sneaking out of the common room ten minutes to nine with the cloak thrown over her head she headed down the staircase leading to the main part of the seventh floor. Hiding behind a suit of armor across from the Room of Requirement she waited for Malfoy to arrive. At least if he didn't show or had set her up to be caught after curfew she was hidden and could sneak back to the common room unnoticed.

Two minutes til she heard quiet footsteps. She pulled back against the wall and hitched her breath waiting to see if it was Filch. Coming into view she saw Malfoy looking around and checking his watch. Pulling the cloak off her head and tucking it into her purse she came out from behind the suit of armor and into Malfoy's direct vision.

"Well well well. Look at the Gryffindor Princess breaking the rules."

"I wasn't entirely sure I was going to come, to be frank."

"Curiosity killed the cat?"

"Curiosity may have killed the cat, but where human beings are concerned the only thing a healthy curiosity can kill is ignorance."

"Ignorance is bliss."

"I know of no time in human history where ignorance was better than knowledge."

"That's what happens when your nose is stuffed in a book."

"I'll have you remember, this time last year, I was searching for Horcruxes to defeat Voldemort." She said as a matter of fact watching him flinch at the name of his past master.

"I'm well aware of what you were doing." Sneering, "Did you want to know what I was doing here last night or did you come down here because the mudblood thrives on being insulted by me?"

Glaring back at him she pursed her lips much like McGonagall does and waited for him to continue speaking.

"You do know how to hold your tongue. That's a nice change of pace."

"You know what Malfoy? I really don't care enough to stand here while you continue to be a prat. I've got books much more entertaining than you." She turned on heel, but was instantly stopped by a large cold hand. "Let go. Now." Her lips pursing again.

"No. You wanted to know what I'm doing and I told you if you leave you'll never find out."

"Actually" Trying to tug her arm free, "You said if I didn't show I'd never find out. I showed and all I see is you being a bloody git. How is this you telling me what you were doing last night."

"Fine." His voice barely audible as he stared dangerously into her eyes, letting her arm go.

Hermione matched his glare building up her Gryffindor courage. She had helped fight the Dark Lord after all. Malfoy was nothing but a silly school rival. Nothing but an ex death eater. The thought spooked her for a second but she made a conscience effort not to let it show in her face. Any form of fear on her face and she'd surely lose this… this… whatever this is. She had to let him crack first which was taking longer than she anticipated.

Sweat slowly dripped from Malfoy's brow, turning from Hermione's gaze he turned towards the wall, his voice calmer. "The last time this was open was when Crabbe died. I tried getting it to open last night, but I couldn't concentrate on what I wanted."

"What do you want?"

"I don't know!" He yelled, echoing down the hallway. He quickly looked around hoping no one had heard him.

Whispering Hermione glowered at him. "Keep your voice down before you get both of us caught. Are you trying to get into the room of lost items? Are you trying to find Crabbe's body?" She cringed at the thought of his body still inside after four months.

"That's why I couldn't concentrate. I didn't know what I wanted to see, or if it even still works."

Hermione nodded and started walking. Past once, past twice, three times. A door appeared in the wall before them. Staring at it, she turned and looked at Malfoy who was staring at the door clearly nervous about what he was going to see.

"What - what did you think about?" Hesitating, not moving his eyes from the door.

"Open the door Malfoy."

Glancing at Hermione, then back at the door, he put his hand on the door knob and inhaled taking a few deep breaths. He seemed frozen. Rolling her eyes, she walked forward putting her hand on Malfoy's causing him to flinch, which she ignored. Turning his hand and the knob she pushed the door open. Both of them gasping at the site of the room.

Before them was a dark room, covered in soot and ash. Casting Lumos Maxima Hermione walked in first still holding onto Malfoy's hand drawing him in behind her. The door shut behind them pulling Malfoy from his trance and removing his hand from Hermione's. Walking forward they picked up tiny pieces of objects that crumbled to ash in their hands. The smell of melted plastic fermagate the air. Hermione conjured face masks and handed one to Malfoy which he promptly put on. The damage was extensive. The walls were chipped and split. The floor was completely covered in old artifacts that were beyond repair. They spent almost an hour walking through the damage looking for nothing in particular, and everything at the same time.

It was then that Hermione saw it or rather them. Bones. Scattered around in the one area, but very obviously human. Calling for Malfoy, her voice barely audible as a tear fell, he made his way over stopping in front of the bones. Staring down, Hermione could see the pain in his eyes, the look she had on her own face many times over the last few years. The loss of a friend. Looking back at the bones she started to conjure them to move until they resembled a human skeleton. Crabbe's skeleton. Choking out a breath, Malfoy kneeled beside the skeleton placing his hand on the boney metacarpus. Hermione cried silent tears as she stood in front of Malfoy for many minutes watching the few tears that escaped and land next to Crabbes skeleton.

Walking around she kneeled next to Malfoy contemplating if she should place her hand on his shoulder, not sure of how he would react. She opted to place her hand on his lower thigh by his knee and squeeze lightly before removing it, just to let him know she was there, but not enough to push him away. She stared down at Crabbe's skeleton as Malfoy let the tears come more often as they sat silently until suddenly he stood.

"I want to clean this place up." He sniffled drying his eyes avoiding eye contact.

"I'll help. We were both in here that day."

Nodding. "Meet me here tomorrow, same time." Without looking at her he walked out and was gone before Hermione exited the room.

Heading to the common room she knew Ginny would be waiting up for her. She went in, put a silencing charm up, and told her about Malfoy and the Room of Requirement.

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Blinking her eyes, Hermione looked over at the empty bottle of sleepless draught thankful for its existence. She didn't need the other girls waking up to her nightmares. Focusing hard she recalled the events of the night before and the vulnerability Malfoy showed. Rummaging through her trunk she pulled out an empty box and placed it in her purse. Then went about her morning routine, heading to the Great Hall before her other dorm mates woke. She had barely eaten dinner so she was starving. Filling her plate with eggs, sausage and an english muffin. Smiling, she thought of Dobby working in the kitchens and a tear came to her eye. She'd have to visit Winky at some point, soon. Finishing her plate just as Ginny and Fay came in, they sat down next to her and started to talk about Quidditch tryouts the following week. Hermione's plate vanished and she replaced it with an Ancient Runes book while they spoke. Glancing up as she saw Malfoy and Goyle enter, she gave him a small smile to which he replied with a face of disgust.

"Wow. I thought you said he was nice and civil last night?" Ginny whispered into Hermione's ear.

"He was. I'm sure he's just saving face right now." Rolling her eyes and returning to her book until the bell chimed indicating her first class bidding farewell to Ginny and Fay.

She had to get to the sixth floor by the last chime. The easiest way was to head down to the dungeons and take the staircase from there all the way up to the sixth floor corridor. It's the one staircase that goes from the bottom of the castle to almost the top. Walking fast she had made good timing to the dungeon and started to head up the stairs only to be stopped almost toppling down the few steps she had already ascended.

Catching her by her waist and pushing her against the wall, she winced in pain as pieces of the stone wall dug into her backl. Looking up blinking the spots away she already figured who would be in her sight.

"Don't you think it's a bit early to be attacking me Malfoy?"

"Last night didn't happen mudblood."

"What part of last night?"

"I'm not weak!" He yelled frustrated with her.

"That's obvious seeing as I'm the one against the wall right now. But if you're talking about crying -"

"I DIDN'T CRY! Malfoy's DON'T cry." His voice so dangerous she shivered in his hold.

Her voice shaking, "I won't say a word to anyone Malfoy. Wizard's Oath."

"I bet you told that she-weasel already."

"I only told her what the room looked like and that you WERE civil. I didn't tell her anything about Crabbe. It's not her business."

"It's no ones business." He finished, letting her go and turning back into the Dungeons and out of view.

Catching her breath as the second bell chimed she booked it up six flights of stairs and into Ancient Runes on the last bell. Going through the rest of the day, she dreaded coming to Potions. She inhaled her fear, puffed her chest out like a true Gryffindor and walked to her seat beside Malfoy. Her goal was to talk as little to him as possible and only about what needed to be done in class. Anytime he made a sudden movement Hermione made a conscience effort of not flinching. She didn't believe he'd harm you, but he could certainly use his strength against her.

Today's lesson required them to extract different herbs from the Greenhouses for their potions and dry them over the next couple of days. Hermione and Malfoy headed to the Greenhouses with Hermione walking just a bit a head. Professor Sprout was expecting them to be there and handed them the tools they needed before heading to tend to some Mandrakes. As they gathered their different herbs Hermione felt like she was being watched. Lifting her head to Malfoy staring at her with the same scowl he carried for the last eight years.

"Are you coming tonight?" He questioned looking towards Professor Sprout.

"I'm not sure what you mean?" Hermione said with a puzzled expression.

"Last night, you said you'd come help me with the Room of Requirement."

"Really? I can't recall. I can't remember a darn thing that happened last night." She turned putting the last of her herbs into her bucket and walked towards the castle with a victory smile.

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Arriving a few minutes after nine she noticed Malfoy sitting on the floor of the seventh floor as she arrived. She hadn't really decided if she was going to show up tonight. After her appointment with Estella she was extremely exhausted, but Malfoy hadn't shown up for his appointment and she was curious as to why. She also hadn't told Ginny about the staircase so she had urged her to go as well. Taking her sweet time she made sure to be late, something that wasn't easy as she always preferred to be early or on time.

"Why are you sitting there?"

"It won't let me in." He replied glaring at the wall as if it was smacking him across the face.

"Well I'm not a bit surprised really. You can't concentrate on what you want and you let a load of Death Eaters into the castle. I'd hold a grudge too." She stated as she started walking back and forth, once, twice, three times until the door appeared.

"Yet here you are helping a Death Eater clean the Room of Requirement. Seems you're not as good at holding a grudge as you think."

"Ex. You're no longer a Death Eater. Come with me first." Hermione started to walk towards Crabbe's skeleton they had left the day prior, noticing at once that Malfoy stiffened as they did. Pulling the empty box from her bag she started to conjure the bones into the box as she said, "Never forget yesterday, as you should always live for today. For you never know what tomorrow can bring or what it can take away.. May you rest in peace from suffering, Vincent Crabbe." Closing the box she sealed it with a sticking charm to ensure it didn't pop open if dropped. Carving a VC on the top with May 1998. She stood up and handed Malfoy the box. "He deserves a proper burial."

Staring only at the box, his voice barely above a whisper. "He was good at dueling you know? Almost as good as I, but loads better than Goyle. He was loyal, but man he loved his food. Not entirely bad as a beater either." Walking back to the door he put the box next to the door. "Right then, where should we start? This place is an utter disaster."

Hermione had a heavy heart. She hadn't known much about Crabbe, other than he was a prat most of the time to her, Harry and Ron. By causing the Friendfyre he did aid in killing Voldemort, even if that hadn't been his intention. "Why'd you miss your appointment? Surely this is something that you should talk to Estella about?" She couldn't stop the words before they came spilling out, but now she needed to know the answer.

"It's none of her business."

"That seems to be your answer to everything."

"Well if everyone would stop trying to dig through my mind, I wouldn't have to tell people to mind their own business would I?"

"Malfoy, Estella is there to help us."

"Oh yea! Has she helped you yet? I can tell you're taking Sleepless Draught Granger. You know what I have to deal with every night? Nightmares. No. I don't get to take Sleepless Draught because I need to 'confront my problems'. What the bloody 'ell does she know about this crap? She's worse than the git Trelawney. Fake professions they are."

"While I won't disagree with you about Trelawney, seeing as I dropped her class years ago, Estella has helped me, at least once which is why she didn't forbid me from having the potion. Have you tried her mastery dream method?"

"Of course I tried, load of rubbish that was. I bet it worked for you though huh? Master of everything. Tell me, did Weasel come and save the day?"

Blushing a bright shade of red, Hermione thought of how she mastered that dream, and unfortunately it was because of the man in front of her. Obviously not wanting to admit anything of the sort to him she stood there looking at her feet for longer than she had intended.

"Figured. Weasel, your knight in shining armor. Where is he now Granger? Where is your knight? Off saving battles?"

"Yes. Ron, Harry and Neville were all recruited as Aurors this summer as you should already well and truly know seeing as Harry was at your father's trial in training last week."

Looking away from her at the thought of his father's trial, he allowed himself to compose himself by drawing in deep breaths. Hermione had known Lucius' trial went alright, but not without many hurdles to try to clear their name. It was Harry in the end who ultimately decided the fate of the Malfoys family by testifying to their defection. Malfoy walked past her to the far end of the room and started to gather some of the items on the floor, her following suit at the front of the room. They were quiet, allowing each other to stay deep in their own thoughts. Thoughts of how Malfoy was still being the same old school yard bully, yet she was seeing a side of him she had never seen before. A Malfoy with a heart.

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Heading into the weekend Hermione and Malfoy decided to spend most of their free time fixing up the room they destroyed the previous year. It was very therapeutic as they did most of it the muggle way. They both wanted to feel as though they were completing something and magic wasn't going to give them that feeling of triumph. Cleaning up and disposing of ash they had Winky come take the trash away. Conjuring up buckets they washed the walls and floors with bleach willing the room to keep the air fresh sanded them and filled the room with bookshelves. By Sunday they were painting the walls a navy blue color.

"You're doing it WRONG" Hermione said correcting Malfoy on his painting technique.

"Last I checked there was no WRONG way to paint a room Granger." As he continued painting diagonally.

"It's WRONG! You paint like this, up and down, up and down. Not diagonally. Who ever taught you to paint?" She scolded motioning how to do it.

Getting annoyed with her constant corrections Malfoy decided the best way to paint would be on her. "So I paint like this?" Painting a line from her forehead down to the belly of her paint covered overalls laughing at the shocked look on her face and running as the lioness' eyes filled with hunger for revenge.

Grabbing a can of paint and her brush she took off after Malfoy determined to cover the expensive attire he chose for painting. He had shown up wearing a baby blue button down shirt that brought out the color in his eyes making them pop. He then wore black dress pants and what he considered cheap sneakers but what others might consider over priced designer shoes. She had worn a pair of overalls that already had paint drippings on it from when she had helped her parents paint their living room, and a black shirt as it was less likely to show the navy color. Never did she think she would have needed protection for her face.

Walking backwards up one of the isles she turned as she thought she heard Malfoy, tripping over her own feet sending the can into the air and dropping the paint brush. Malfoy rushed to grab her stepping on the brush and losing his balance as he grabbed Hermione and pulled her down to the ground just as the can of paint landed exploding and spraying paint all over them covering Hermione's face. Laughing Malfoy reached up and wiped the paint from her eyes lifting his sleeves revealing his dark mark without realizing it.

Opening her eyes after the paint was wiped off, she caught site of the black outline, but it was the silver eyes that made her feel as though she needed to study them. The pain, the sadness, the emptiness she saw only made her want to make the eyes before her light up. Bending her elbows, like she was doing a pushup she stole a glance at his lips.

His lips a wineberry color, plump and so incredibly enticing. Close enough she could feel his heated breath coming in shorter intervals but not pushing her away, she could feel his heart beating faster under her chest. She could smell his cologne, a mix of cedar and musk. Turning her head slightly to the right brushing her lips against his tasting the sweet flavors of butterbeer on his lips from dinner. Running her tongue along his lips to get a better taste Malfoy let them part to allow her tongue entrance. Wrapping one arm around the back of her head getting the blue paint from her eyes now tangled into her hair, while his other hand snaked around her waist deepening their kiss. Tongues in battle they were both breathing heavily until they had to come up for air.

Reopening her eyes, Hermione widened them as she realized who she had just been kissing. Leaping up she darted for the door grabbing her bag not stopping until she was in her dorm room startling Ginny who had been doing homework. Breathing heavily she threw herself onto the bed thankful she hadn't come across many people as curfew wasn't for a few more hours.

"Merlin Hermione! What happened?" Ginny said as she jumped out of bed and ran over to Hermione sitting on the side of her bed placing her hand on her stomach befpre quickly removing it. "You're covered in paint! Did you actually paint the wall or did you wear it?"

Laughing through the breaths that were starting to calm Hermione nodded. Ginny looked her over very carefully until it dawned on her what happened.

"Merlin Hermione! NO! You - you KISSED him?" Squealed Ginny in a shocked but excited tone.

Nodding Hermione put her paint covered hands over her eyes embarrassed.

"Well. Was is good?"

Not moving her hands, she nodded again before Ginny giggled, grabbed her hands and pulled her into the bathroom leaving her to clean up before dinner.


	6. Chapter 6 - Avoiding Malfoy

***Disclaimer* I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or JKR's work.**

 **A/N. Sorry guys! I homeschool so I was getting the kids curriculum set up and writing bits for future chapters and writing the ideas for a sequel. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I should have the next one sooner :) Please review and feel free to send me a PM!  
ETA: This was updated 8/12 **

Hermione woke up in a cold sweat early Monday morning. She had dreamed about the day before and the kiss she shared with Malfoy. Concluding it was a spur of the moment situation because she absolutely must have been lonely without Ron. This was the only logical explanation. Ginny had been unexpectedly accepting of the idea; replaying the conversation in her head that she had had with Ginny.

" _So how exactly did it happen?"_

" _I'm not sure. He was annoyed I corrected his painting technique and retaliated, to which I retaliated. I started chasing him, lost my footing, he grabbed me and well, I leaned down and kissed him. It wasn't like I planned it."_

" _Well, he has seemed to have changed a bit Hermione."_

" _He still calls me mudblood Gin. I can't believe I kissed that repulsive mouth."_

" _We are all going through stuff after the war. Isn't that why you broke it off with my brother? Because you couldn't be HIS healer. Maybe you need something different as well."_

" _You sound like Estella." she said, rolling her eyes._

" _Well I think it's about time I confront my own battles. I made an appointment with her, to help with Fred. All I'm saying Hermione, is that maybe you should heed the advice you gave Ron."_

" _What? Sleep around?"_

" _If that's what it takes!" Winking as she laughed. "I can see it now, Hermione Granger, brightest witch of her age, hussy to Draco Malfoy." Laughing even harder._

Groaning, Hermione got out of bed and reluctantly started her morning routine. Luckily, all she had was Defense Against the Dark Arts with Fleur and Charms with Professor Flitwick. She could then spend the rest of her day in the library. She could certainly ignore Draco Malfoy for the day while she figured out what she had done.

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Walking to the Great Hall with Ginny, Hermione told her all about how her first class with Fleur, or rather Professor Weasley, had gone. Fleur had given them homework on werewolves. It consisted of three parts. The first, writing an essay on if there are any cures, or known attempts to find one, and the results. The second part was to write the daily experiences one may have to go through, the pain, the process, and the prejudices they experience from the wizarding world. The third and final part was something they would be working on in Potions class as well; brewing a wolfsbane potion. Hermione knew she'd have to work extremely close to Malfoy that week as the potion could be poisonous if brewed incorrectly. Thankfully, she had been able to avoid him in both Defense Against the Dark Arts and Charms that morning. She just had to keep it up a bit longer until she could get to the library after lunch.

"Hermione, you've barely eaten anything all day. You have the rest of the day to be in the library, just eat. Ron and Harry would kill me if they found out you haven't been eating."

"Sorry Gin, I promise I'll eat more at dinner. I just want to get a jump start on these essays."

"You know there's no cure Hermione. I don't even know why Fleur's looking into this. Bill said she was accepting of his new self but by this assignment, it doesn't seem she is as much as she's leading us all to believe."

"I know. I'm sure it's not easy for them though. She's your sister-in-law Ginny. Why don't you talk to her? She wouldn't assign this to us if she didn't love your brother. Maybe there's something more going on that she's not telling us." Squeezing her shoulder, she glanced toward Fleur at the staff table, got up and headed to the library.

Waving to Madam Pince, she went to the reference section to find out all information she could on werewolves. She decided to start with the essay on the pains, the process and the prejudices. She knew from witnessing the transformation of Lupin her third year that it was painful, scary, and you weren't in your right mind. Working until well into the night on this essay she had completely forgotten about dinner and it wasn't until she was kicked out of the library that she started to feel even the slightest bit hungry. Walking back to the common room, she found Ginny already asleep in her bed, ate an apple, drank her dreamless sleep potion, and fell into a long sleep.

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It had officially been a week here at Hogwarts and she hadn't received a letter back from Harry and Ron about their Hogsmeade trip yet. She knew there was a possibility they may not be able to go with their training, but she figured she might as well let them know how the week was going. Even if they were unable to write or receive her letters, they'd get them when they were able to.

 _Dear Harry and Ron,_

 _I hope your training is going swimmingly. I miss you both terribly. Hogwarts isn't quite the same without my two whining comrades. Though I have Ginny to keep me company, she does in fact do her own work and in a timely manner. Classes are as expected, tough, but nothing I can't handle. It's a bit weird having Defense Against the Dark Arts with sixth years, Malfoy and Goyle. Speaking of, Malfoy and I restored the Room of Requirement so students after us can enjoy the room. It felt good to see the room back to it's standards. Though it does seem to be holding a grudge against Malfoy and won't let him in without me. We also have to work together in Potions. It seems I all of my classes are with him. He's changed quite a bit so it's not all that awful. It's hard being here sometimes, thinking about all that's happened here. It's especially hard without the two of you._

Well I suppose that's all for now. Ginny and I send you our love.

 _With best regards,  
Hermione_

Putting the letter in her bag to drop it off after her class, she walked through the portrait into the buzzing was her only class which meant it would be easier to avoid Malfoy and work on her pile of ever growing homework. Reaching Transfiguration she sat beside Ginny.

"You didn't make it to dinner or to breakfast Hermione. Where were you?" Ginny whispered in a scolding tone that reminded Hermione very much of Mrs. Weasley.

"I was writing Harry and Ron. I sent them your love as well."

"For nearly half a day Hermione? What was the last thing you ate?"

"An apple." Hermione shot back. "I don't appreciate being scolded here Gin. I'll eat when I'm hungry."

The two witches glared at each other a bit longer while Professor McGonagall started to talk about conjuration and untransfiguration. The first couple of weeks were always a review of information before digging deeper into the subjects at hand. Hermione was already well advanced in most Transfiguration but was really excited to learn about Human Transfiguration this year. Another student had asked if they'd be able to turn themselves into animals which reminded her of Barty Crouch turning Malfoy into a dancing ferret. The thought made her giggle out loud before she could stop herself. Noticing a lot of the other students looking at her she sunk into her chair a bit. She could feel the back of her head burning with Malfoy's stare.

The class finished and she ducked out first trying to get away from both Ginny and Malfoy. She still wasn't hungry and they were supposed to be heading to lunch. She wanted to get up to the Owlery to send her letter before heading off to the library where she'd spend the remainder of the day researching werewolves to work on her other essay.

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Today she was going to have to face Malfoy. They'd have to create the Wolfsbane potion together. Arriving, she took her seat only a moment before Malfoy joined her. Keeping an eye on her book opened to the ingredients for Wolfsbane potion, she noticed he did the same, never turning his head to look at her. However, instead of making the potion, Professor Slughorn had them write an essay on the potion, why it helps and what each ingredients purpose was for the potion. Hermione got straight to work, giving her more time to continue avoiding Malfoy. Finishing her essay first, Professor Slughorn excused her from class. Extremely grateful he hadn't assigned them homework as it was starting to pile up from Ancient Runes and Arithmancy as well.

She walked to Estella's office to see if she was available today instead of tomorrow as she really needed the extra time for her work.

"Ms. Granger, how are you?"

"Well Estella, you?"

"Very well. How can I help you?"

"I'm hoping you have a bit a time to see me now instead of tomorrow. My workload is getting a bit out of hand and I'd really like to focus on it tomorrow."

"I have a bit of time as my next appointment must still be in class." Estella waved her into her office shutting the door. "So I have sources saying you're not eating."

Cursing Ginny under her breath. "It's none of her business. I'm just not hungry."

"Ah. Why is that?"

"Most likely from eating very little while we were out looking for horcruxes. I'd say my body is just used to it."

"Weren't you eating well over the summer?"

"Well yes, but we had Mrs. Weasley feeding us and she's scary when you don't eat. Tries to fatten us up. She's been doing it to Harry since he was eleven."

Chuckling, "Okay, but I'm sure your stomach has gotten bigger since last year. Has anything happened recently that would cause a behavioral change?"

Thinking about this, she knew this whole week was different. How much could she tell Estella though. She trusted her, obviously, and they were bound to a confidentiality agreement. There was no way Estella would be able to repeat anything she says without her being informed unless it was a life or death situation, which this clearly was not. Looking at Estella she took a deep breath and told her everything about her first week at Hogwarts; including the Room of Requirement and the kiss. Estella had a great poker face. She just listened, without judgement, to all of it even offering Hermione a sandwich as she finished speaking. Hermione then told her about the letter she sent out to Harry and Ron and how much she missed them.

"Well it sounds like you have had quite the week. I'd like you to continue with getting to know Mr. Malfoy. I still think it will be beneficial for both of you. Added to that, I'd like you to start a journal." Getting up she retrieved a journal from a shelf nearby. "I understand it's a very Muggle method. There are times where you won't want to tell me, Ginny, Harry, or Ron something and this will allow you to do just that. It is charmed so no one can read it but those you allow. That includes all thoughts. For example, if you write I kissed Draco Malfoy in the Room of Requirement on September sixth, you obviously wouldn't mind Ginny or I seeing that because you have already told both of us. Say Harry picks up the book, you wouldn't mind him seeing you in the Room of Requirement, but maybe you're not ready to tell him about kissing Mr. Malfoy. He wouldn't be able to see that. Understand?" Hermione nodded. "I'd also like you to stop taking the Dreamless Sleep Potion one night a week."

Hermione's eyes went wide as she took the book and placed it in her bag. "A-Are you sure?" The first bell chimed. "I should be heading off to the library. Your next appointment should be here any minute."

Waving goodbye, Hermione left Estella's office to go to the library. She didn't notice that the next appointment was coming around the corner behind her from Potion's class, having taken her advice.

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Frustrated after attempting her homework for hours, she took out her journal and started scribbling.

 _Dear_ _Diary_ _Journal_ _Myself_ _whomever is worthy of reading this,_

Chuckling to herself, she continued.

 _Only a week into school and I'm contemplating if I should have taken the O for DADA. I was a member of Dumbledore's Army after all. Producing a corporeal patronus is very advanced magic in itself. Maybe I should have also only taken five classes instead of seven. I have more than proved myself in the wizarding world at this point. Who am I trying to prove myself to?_

I'm also not sure if I can stop taking the Dreamless Sleep potion. I know I shouldn't be becoming dependant on it, but I'm so afraid of the dreams coming back. Malfoy isn't allowed to take the potions and he's completely miserable and you can tell he doesn't sleep at all. I can't allow myself to slip in classes. With this workload and no sleep, there's no way. I know this is for my benefit, but does Estella not care about my studies!

 _Maybe one night won't be so bad. Maybe I can try it. I can cast a silencing charm around my bed and have the potion on my bed side just in case._

A flash brings her away from her journal. Looking up she sees stars, blinking them away, several third years start to come into focus. All with excited faces as they looked back at the moving picture of Hermione writing, asking her to sign it. With a gentle smile she took the photo and signed it, handing it back. Looking around she noticed a few other smaller groups staring at her awestruck. Flashing a quick smirk, she packed her bags and left the library. Where could she get away? There was still a few hours before curfew. The common room would be packed with plenty of "fans". She'd already missed dinner, so Ginny would be impossible. Lost in her train of thought, she almost tripped over a person sitting on the floor in black robes.

"Watch it Granger, no need to fall for me." Came a cold stony voice she recognized. Pulling his hood down, looking up at her with the signature Malfoy smirk.

Rolling her eyes, she started walking away. He immediately jumped up and grabbed her arm, flipping her around to face him. "Why are you avoiding me?" His body was stiff, protecting himself from what she might say. His grey eyes pleading her to respond. She could see the bags under his eyes, telling her he hadn't slept in days, again.

"I'm not, I've just been busy." She lied.

"You're a bad liar, you know that? We have the same amount of work to do. You are actively avoiding me. Why haven't you come here the last couple nights?"

"Because we fixed it up. Why would we con- wait. You're still trying to get in aren't you?" He didn't say anything. "You can't get in. Are you sure you remember how?"

"I did it the entirety of sixth year Granger, I know how to get in. It won't LET me."

"Well what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking I want a place to go study to get the bloody 'ell away from the stares and whispers."

Chuckling, "You sound exactly like Harry". Walking once, twice and a third time. A door popped up. "There." She started to walk away but she didn't hear the door open. Turning around Malfoy was just staring at it like it was going to shock him if he tried to touch it. Sighing, she turned to him. "Malfoy, you're going to have to get over this. Come on." Opening the door for him, he still didn't budge. Sighing again, she grabbed his hand, causing herself to shiver. _Must be how cold his hand is._ She thought to herself. Pulling him in, he looked around. It was set up as a grand library. A table for studying, a couch for lounging, an armchair for sitting and a mini fridge filled with snacks and water.

"Don't compare me to Potter again." Malfoy demanded as he walked to the desk.

Confused, she stood there with her mouth open, unsure of what to say.

"Don't keep that open too long. Flies might fly in and nest there."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS!" Hermione yelled. The door to the room still open. "A simple 'Thank you Hermione.' would have been nice. But NO! Of course not. Not from Mr. I'm too good for muggle-borns, I'm Mr rich spoiled brat better than everyone."

"You forgot foul, loathsome and evil this time." Bringing his books to the table as she growled at him. "You're not gone yet?"

Growling again, she slammed the door. "No. I think I'll stay JUST to annoy you." A chair magically appearing across from him. She sat down rather hard and slammed a book onto the table, sneering at him the entire time.

"Suit yourself. Just keep your huffing and puffing down to a minimum. I came here for peace."

She glared at him, he didn't look up, just kept reading, finally she retreated to her own work. They worked like this for an hour before Hermione let out another frustrated sigh. She'd been stuck on this series of logogram all day.

"What is it Granger?"

"Nothing I can't handle."

"I've heard you sigh about a dozen times in like twenty minutes." Getting up he stretched and took his robe off revealing a nice white button down shirt and black trousers. Walking over to her he leaned over her shoulder. "You're stuck on this one? That was easy. We learned that last year."

"I wasn't HERE last year Malfoy." Scowling through her teeth, unhappy Malfoy knew something she didn't.

"Ok well, they're in the Logograms book, not Spellman's. Where's your copy?"

She had completely forgotten about that book after they left sixth year. It wasn't on the list of supplies as they should have already had it. She unfortunately lost it in the woods when the Snatchers took her bag. Wincing as she remembered what happened after, her hand automatically came up to her scar. Noticing, Malfoy went and grabbed his book and chair.

"Here, you can borrow mine for now. We're doing a lot of review right now since a lot of you missed last year. I'll help you catch up."

Blushing, "Thank you Malfoy. I'm very well versed in Runes, but I guess I missed a bit. Luckily, I didn't need to translate Luwian while we were out on our own." She said chuckling.

He sat next to her helping her finish her Runes homework, then they continued onto the Defense Against the Dark Arts homework. Her pain, process and prejudice essay was very detailed so she explained how she watched Professor Lupin transform. He'd seen Fenrir Greyback transform multiple times as well but never knew about the pain. He assumed Fenrir must have enjoyed it. Reading each other's essays they learned there were a few differences between the werewolves they knew and started writing a compare list for Fleur.

Ready for a break, they grabbed water and snacks and headed to the couch. Hermione brought her knees up to her chest and started to read Hogwarts, A History.

"How many times have you read that book?"

"Too many to count. It's my favorite."

Raising an eyebrow at her, he shook his head. Malfoy then rested his head on the back of the couch and closed his eyes. A half hour passed and Hermione got up to gather her items to head to her dorm. She found a blanket and draped it over him. He opened his eyes as she was. Hermione could read his eyes most of the time. These eyes were the same that she saw the Sunday before. The ones that made her long to kiss him. The smell of cedar and musk filing her nose once again. Withholding the feeling to kiss him she took deep breaths. Her hands lingering on the blanket she placed.

"Why have you been avoiding me since Sunday?" Malfoy whispered.

"I have-"

"You make a terrible liar Granger." Malfoy interrupted.

She didn't say anything, she didn't pull away, she didn't move. Her hands still lingered near his chest. The smell of him overpowering her will. _Do something Hermione!_ She scolded herself. "Tell me something I don't know about you?"

"You have to tell me why you're avoiding me first. Did you tell Estella?"

"How did you-" The realization hit her, Estella's next appointment was Malfoy. Sitting back down next to him looking away from his gaze. "Yes, I went to Estella today instead of tomorrow. What were you doing there? I thought you said she hasn't helped you?"

"She hasn't. But I needed to talk to her about this." He said as he gestured to the two of them.

"What about this?", Copying his movements.

"The reason you're avoiding me. She told me to ask you. Don't turn away from me Granger. Look me in the eye and tell me that the reason you're avoiding me is because you kissed me and you LIKED it."

Gasping, Hermione tried to take offense to his accusation. He raised his eyebrow and smirked at her. He could clearly see through her lie. "Ok fine! I kissed you Malfoy! I kissed you square on the lips and then I ran out embarrassed because a bloody mudblood kissed the foul mouth of a chauvinistic purist. Are you happy now?"

Stunned, Malfoy tried to talk but no coherent words came out.

"This is exactly why I've been avoiding you Malfoy. I didn't want you to use it against me when I showed a little feeling towards you." She started tearing up, trying to keep the walls up, "I saw the sadness and loneliness in your eyes and they reflected my own. So I leaned down and I kissed you. Your lips were so soft and then I realized it was you, and I knew you'd be horrible to me. I'm a mudblood. An ugly mudblood!" The wall broken as tears came streaming down, "I'm sad and I'm lonely and I miss my friends and it's only been a bloody week! I can't sleep and now Estella wants to take the ONLY way I can sleep away from me. Only once a week to start but the nightmares are terrible! I can't take it!"

Hermione was uncontrollably crying into her hands and barely able to take a breath between the sobs. All the emotion she had been trying not to feel came to her at once. The feelings she had bottled up came spewing out. Malfoy sat there stunned, until he pulled Hermione into him with one arm around her shoulder and the other around her knees lacing his fingers while she cried.

When the crying subsided she leaned her head into his chest.

Finally Malfoy spoke. "You're not an ugly mudblood Granger. Don't ever let those words escape your lips again. A change in me is not going to be overnight. I don't agree with my father's choices, but that word is second nature to me. As easy as the word bloody. This is hard for me. We are Malfoy's. We don't do feelings."

"How did you feel when I kissed you?" She asked through her hiccuping.

"I'm not sure. I didn't hate it, I was stunned. I don't know if I want it to happen again, but if I do, you'll be the first to know."

She accepted his answer, as she herself was unsure of what she wanted. He was always mean, but there and then, he was kind. Away from the influences of other Death Eaters, he was kind.  
They gathered their things and started towards the door. He turned to her just before arriving at the door.

"Same time tomorrow for more studying?" She nodded. He took a deep breath and bent down to kiss her forehead going their separate ways.

Ending the same each night for a week.


	7. Chapter 7 - Happy Birthday Hermione

***Disclaimer* I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or JKR's work.**

 **A/N. Thank you so much for the reviews!  
RScoripia, RiaRoo400 and Geekybynature I surely appreciate the constant reviews and I'm so glad you caught on to the assignment. That will be coming up soon ;)**

 **Updated 8/23**

It was my birthday, so between all the birthday festivities, I didn't have time to write.

 _Dear whomever is worthy of reading this._

It's been a week since studying with Malfoy. It's nice to have a study partner and not someone who is constantly trying to copy my work. He's becoming a sort of friend, though I'm sure he won't admit it. I think Estella planned this. I'm tempted to ask her today, however I'm sure she won't be all that pleased to find out I haven't stopped taking the Dreamless Sleep Potion.

 _With the Room of Requirement fixed, at least we have somewhere to go where we can get away. I guess the warning Professor McGonagall gave the first day has gone on deaf ears. Over the last few days I've had multiple people requesting signatures on photos, the daily prophet and anything else they can get their hands on with my face on it. The chocolate frogs cards will be a nightmare when they come out._

 _We had potions again today and I fully expected to start the wolfsbane potion since we didn't last week. Again we didn't. It seems Professor Slughorn and Fleur are having an indifference. I've tried convincing Ginny to speak with her but she's being a stubborn witch. Says if she loves her brother she'll knock it off._

 _Well I best get to lunch before Ginny comes knocking._

Quidditch tryouts were the discussion of lunch again. With tryouts being on Friday everyone was buzzing that there will be something fun to pass their time. So far the Gryffindor team consisted of Ginny as captain and chaser, Demelza Robbins as a second chaser, Ritchie Cootie and Jimmy Peakes as Beaters. Which means the Gryffindor team needed one chaser, one keeper and of course a good seeker since Harry hadn't returned. Ginny would also need reserves, just in case. Hermione wished she was even slightly interested in Quidditch or flying a broom. She also wondered if Malfoy would rejoin the Slytherin Quidditch team.

Glancing in his direction she saw him sweating profusely. His eyes were glazed over, then he got up and stormed out. Excusing herself from the table she shot up and walked briskly after him. Malfoy was nowhere in sight when she entered the hallway. Walking towards the dungeons she heard from heavy crashing from a nearby classroom. Rushing over she saw Malfoy sitting on the floor with his head in his knees and arms around the back of his neck, trying to breathe; the room an utter disarray. Slowly walking in, he didn't hear her when she kneeled in front of him. Placing her hands on the top side of his knees to announce her presence, Malfoy flinched. They sat there quiet for a few minutes while he tried to control his breathing. Hermione started rubbing her hands up and down his arms slowly trying to get him to relax. It was close to an hour before his breathing started to level, when she spoke.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He growled.

"Clearly." She retorted continuing her rubbing. He hadn't moved away and it was effectively relaxing her as well. "What caused your panic attack?"

"Like I'd tell you." Lifting his head for the first time, he cracked his neck. Glared at her, got up pushing her back slightly, and walked out leaving Hermione kneeling where she was. Sighing, she pulled out her wand and pointed it at the different parts of the mess before the room looked as it had before his attack on it. As she finished a blast of light blinded her sight momentarily.

"Merlin! Stop!" Hermione yelled at a second year who had snapped her picture. This particular student had been following her around for days taking pictures every time she had done something using magic; which was quite often. Pushing past him, she left the classroom to go to her appointment with Estella.

Throughout the meeting, Estella asked how her homework assignment with Mr. Malfoy was coming along. She told her about their study dates, his panic attack, and the kisses on the forehead. She then mustered up her Gryffindor courage and asked if she had a plan. Estella admitted she was hoping her and Mr. Malfoy would be able to confide in each other as they can relate better to each other than with her. She explained to Hermione that she can give them the tools to help them but it was up to them to conquer them, though doing it with a friend can be bring the best results. Nodding she believed this to be true as she, Harry and Ron had always confided in each other, especially out in the woods.

Estella then brought up the dreaded question she had been waiting for. Had she not taken the potion for one night. It had been a week since Estella asked her to do it, so she should have had at least one day. Hermione knew she had to eventually, but even watching Malfoy today scared her. She didn't want to relive her nightmares, see Bellatrix's face, see Dolohov's face, or even Voldemort's. She wanted to sleep like a normal person.

Their meeting ended and Hermione walked around aimlessly. Out of habit she found herself up on the seventh floor. Malfoy wasn't there waiting for her. She sat down on the floor and brought out a book, not wanting to enter until he was there with her. Ginny came by shortly after dinner seeing Hermione on the floor. She told her Malfoy hadn't been at the Great Hall either. This made Hermione uneasy. Walking Ginny to the common room, she went into her trunk and pulled out the Marauder's Map Harry had given her before he left for training. She didn't think she'd ever need to use it, but took it for his piece of mind as he had developed an unhealthy obsession with it over the years at Hogwarts.

"I solemnly swear I'm up to no good." More like he's up to no good, she thought as she tapped the map with her wand. Looking in all the usual places, she didn't see him on the seventh floor, the Great Hall, not that she expected him at either location, the dungeons, which surprised her, or the hospital wing. So where was he hiding? She looked over every inch of the map until she found him. As it was approaching curfew she scooped up an extra cloak for the cold and the invisibility cloak. "Mischief Managed."

Nearing the Black Lake she could see the moon dancing on it. It was a beautiful sight. She spotted Malfoy hidden beneath a tree, his eyes closed as the back of his head leaned on it. She took him in. Sadness and exhaustion plastered on his face. Thinking back to what Estella said she knew she needed to make a better effort of being his friend, not just get to know him. In the week they've spent studying she knew many of his studying quirks, his smugness of how smart he is, challenging her. She may have been the brightest witch of her day, but she'd be extremely daft if she denied he was the smartest wizard of their day. Taking a deep breath she sat beside him.

"How'd you find me?" Malfoy whispered after opening one eye to see who had approached him and closed it again.

"I came looking for you since you didn't show up tonight." she replied with a concerned tone in her voice.

Sighing, "I'm not going to want to go up there and study every night Granger. I needed space."

"We don't have to study every night Malfoy. I'm happy just getting away and reading." He chuckled at her at what she could only assume was because she was predictable. "Why didn't you show up Malfoy?"

He didn't answer. She leaned into him and put her head on his shoulder waiting for him to pull away, which didn't happen. "You can talk to me you know?"

"We're not friends."

"But we could be."

"I'm not friends with mudbloods." He tried to say while sneering but flinched at his own words.

She felt it. She felt his flinch at the word. Trying to hold back a smile she scooted just a bit closer. The possibility for friendship within reach. He couldn't use the word without being affected by it which was a huge step from where he used to be. Hermione should have been offended as he hadn't called her mudblood in quite a while, but she wasn't. He told her it'd take time and she also knew this was his way of trying to keep her out. She heard him sigh.

Looking towards him she rested her chin on his shoulder, "Malfoy, what triggered your panic attack?"

"You're not going to let this go are you?"

"Not as long as you're destroying classrooms and walking out leaving me to clean up your mess." She stated matter-of-factly.

Tittering, "Yea I made a right mess didn't I?" He sighed again, "It's hard Granger. No one, except Goyle who has pretty much become a recluse, knows what happened to us. Knows the nightmares. Part of me wishes I never went to see Estella so I could still take a dreamless sleep potion. Goyle isn't brilliant like you are to brew his own, so he gets sent a half a vial a day so he doesn't get dependant on it."

"I can see the problem, I'm very dependant on it. He wasn't branded though right?"

"No, but he'd seen enough. His father was a Death Eater after all. It was expected he would be."

"Why did you take the mark? You're clearly not evil or you wouldn't be sitting here talking to me so casually."

"I thought I was. I'm not ready to talk about that yet though. Even to Estella. She has her assumptions.-"

"Well I think we all do." Grabbing his face in her hands, "Malfoy, please tell me what happened today. I want to help you."

He looked into her eyes, pleading for his trust, pleading to help him. Taking a deep breath and exhaling he looked back towards the lake, breaking her eye contact, "We were eating, Goyle and I, keeping to ourselves. Everyone was talking about Quidditch and Urquhart asked if I was going to try out for Seeker, since I was the best. A few of the people who were going to try out said they wouldn't if I was on the team. Vaisey and Urquhart tried to defend me, but some fifth year sent a stinging hex to my arm." He flipped his arm over looking at his sleeve that was currently hiding the Dark Mark.

"So when you felt the stinging hex, it felt like he was calling you."

He nodded, "And I panicked. I tried to keep it together, for a few minutes at least, so they didn't think it affected me. Told them I'd be at tryouts and walked out."

"Oh, Malfoy, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be Granger. Don't pity me. I did horrible things. I watched horrible things happen."

"But that doesn't mean you should have been attacked at school. That makes them no better."

"I shouldn't have come back."

"Why did you?"

"Do you have a need to get into everyone else's lives?"

"No. I'm just trying to understand 's what you do for friends, whether you believe it or not. I believe that we are becoming friends."

"Why are you trying so hard?"

"To be honest? I had no intentions of trying. Estella thinks it will be good for us to get to know one another, potentially becoming friends. While I thought she was utterly mad, Ginny encouraged me to go along with it. I enjoy your company whilst studying, so you can't be all that bad. I won't deny part of me thinks you're the same old Malfoy I started school with, but even I can admit you've changed Malfoy. For the better."

Nodding he didn't say anything else. They sat there looking at the lake, watching the night creatures jump in and out of the water making the moon ripple throughout. They heard a howl in the distance giving Hermione goosebumps as it sounded similar to Lupin. Thinking she was cold Malfoy grabbed her extra cloak and put in on her as a blanket which covered part of him as well since she hadn't moved from how close she was. A tear silently fell from her eye as she thought about her third year. She thought of Lupin, Tonks and little Teddy. She thought about Andromeda and Teddy Sr. She looked over at Malfoy wondering if he knew about his cousin or had ever talked to his aunt.

"I can literally hear you thinking." Malfoy said as he continued to stare at the Black Lake. "We should probably head up to the castle. It's just about curfew." Getting up he extended his hand out to her, lifting her off the ground. Putting the cloak around her shoulders, he turned and starting walking at a leisurely pace so she could keep up. "So what's going on in that big brain of yours?"

"I've already done plenty of talking. Now it's your turn to answer one of my questions."

Gasping putting his hand over his heart, he jokingly said, "A moment where Hermione Granger doesn't want to hear her own voice. Well I'll be damned." Snickering while she rolled his eyes, he gave in and thought hard, "The only one I'm willing to answer right now is that I came back for a second chance. A chance to show everyone that I had defected, albeit to late, but I did nonetheless. That I belong here as much as the next guy." Stopping suddenly he reached out to grab Hermione's arm before she kept walking then looked her directly in the eyes, "You and perhaps your best friend are the only two giving me that chance at the moment."

"Everyone deserves a second chance." Squeezing his hand, she turned and made her way into the castle with him at her heels. Waving as she left in the direction of the Gryffindor tower.

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Friday morning had arrived and the entire Great Hall was excitingly eating breakfast to head out to the Quidditch Pitch. Hermione had promised both Ginny and Malfoy she'd walk with them as they headed out early to be there before the other students came to try out. As they were approaching, Hermione let out a squeal as she recognized the person they were getting closer too. Running with Ginny straight into the arms of Harry Potter who almost toppled over hugging them both. Malfoy traipsing along behind them.

"What are you doing here?" Ginny exclaimed, excited her boyfriend was there.

"I wouldn't miss my girlfriend's first chance at being captain, so I came to watch the tryouts. I also came for my best friends birthday tomorrow." He suddenly noticed the tall Slytherin. Giving a slight nod, "Malfoy." Malfoy nodded back and walked to where he'd wait for Slytherin tryouts to begin. Harry turned toward them, lowering his voice asked, "Why exactly was Malfoy walking you down here?"

"I told you in my letters. Malfoy and I have been working together a lot. I told him I'd come down to support him. Hoping that would allow the other students to know that I, as one of the Golden Trio, have accepted him, and will hopefully aid in leaving him alone."

Not wanting to press the matter, Harry grabbed Ginny's hand and put an arm around Hermione's shoulder as they walked towards the broom shed. After giving Ginny a deep passionate kiss, Hermione pulled him into the stands to watch with her. Harry and Hermione jumped and shouted as Ginny arrived on the pitch and watched carefully as her current teammates tried to best the potential players. After Gryffindor had finished, Ginny joined them to go over notes with Harry on who best to choose. Hermione waited for Malfoy to come out, cheering when he did. Malfoy smirked at her and sat up straighter on his broom, as if giving him the confidence boost he needed. Eyeing Hermione suspiciously, Harry put a hand on her arm.

"Just how close have you gotten Hermione?" He asked curiously.

Looking at him with a guilty expression, she wasn't sure how much information she could share with Harry that she had already shared with Ginny. She of course hadn't told anyone about the lake.

"I told you in my last letter, we've sort of become friends. We take all the same classes, we study together, -"

"They don't hang out outside the Room of Requirement much because neither of them get any peace. He gets called Death Eater often and Hermione deals with the paparazzi of students. It's getting to the point where I'm about to join her if someone else comes up and asks me where she is or what it's like dating the chosen one." Ginny interrupted without looking up from the notes.

"You hang out with him by yourself?" Harry tried to say calmly as he refrained from shouting.

Looking uneasy Hermione stared from Harry to Ginny and back up to Malfoy. She wasn't sure if he'd ever understand how she felt, as she barely understood it herself. Estella asked her to get to know him as her homework. It was homework. Of course she would do it. Now she felt herself longing to get to know him. Find out why he is the way he is. She wasn't sure how she'd overcome her own obstacles, but as she had found out this summer he may very well be the key to helping her, and she didn't want to let that go all at the expense of her very best friend.

"Yes Harry. He's been a perfect gentleman and very helpful while we study. I've told you this now twice in less than five minutes. I told him I'd come down to support him while he tried out for Seeker. He's had it worse than I have so far this year, and I hope this will help people realize he's not his father."

"You're right Hermione. He's a right git and he called you Mudblood more often than I can count. Just because we cleared him at trials doesn't mean he's still not an awful person with a purist propaganda."

Sighing, Hermione knew Harry wouldn't be easily swayed, so she'd have to show him how he really can be. That might serve just as difficult of a task as Malfoy wasn't going to just suddenly be nice to Harry. Smiling she said, "Why don't you both come to the Room of Requirement tonight. We'll get an early start on my birthday." She then turned her attention back to Malfoy as he caught the snitch for the third time. Making eye contact with Hermione, Malfoy flashed her a cocky smile. She smiled back putting two thumbs up. She could feel Harry staring at her but didn't dare look.

After tryouts were over, the captains had the weekend to go over their notes and choose their players by Sunday evening. Ginny and Malfoy had gone to their respective dorms to shower while Harry and Hermione sat in the Gryffindor Common Room talking about his Auror training. He and Ron had learned very quickly and were progressing fast through the program. They had expected that after their adventures with Voldemort. Once Ginny had finished and was dressed they went through the portrait towards the Room of Requirement. As they were arriving, they saw Malfoy and Goyle coming from the other direction. After everyone had exchanged pleasantries Hermione asked Harry if he'd like to do the honors of getting the room ready.

After careful thinking he walked once, twice, and a third time before the door revealed itself. Hermione looked over at Malfoy who for a split second looked sad. She could only assume because the room would still not let Malfoy in after over two weeks. They all entered the room. Inside the sky was filled with stars, there was a nice roaring fire in the corner, three single chairs and a love seat presumably for Harry and Ginny. There was a stocked bar on the other side of the fire. A banner strewn across the room that read 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERMIONE'.  
Hermione smiled and hugged Harry, thanking him. They all walked over to the bar while Draco grabbed a few bottles of firewhiskey and five glasses, pouring each of them an ample amount.

Harry held his glass high, "To Hermione on your nineteenth birthday. The last year of your teens, and hopefully the last of your wild and crazy adventures. To good fortune, love and many years of happiness ahead of you. Cheers," tipping his glass forward to clink glasses with the other four students as the rest all wished Hermione a Happy Birthday.

At first the night started out awkward, but after a bottle of firewhiskey had been vanquished quickly between them, they were able to loosen up. Ginny had been the one to initiate a game of Truth or Dare.

"Aren't we a bit old for this?", whined Harry, knowing all too well how Ginny was after a bit to drink.

"Rubbish! I'll go first.. Hermione, Truth or dare?" She chose truth. "Hermione, you are no fun. Okay. Truth. Who here has the nicest butt?"

"Well that's easy. You of course." Hermione said winking at Ginny who laughed. "Okay, my turn. Goyle, truth or dare?" He chose truth as well. Ginny sighed. "Okay, Why did you come here tonight?"

Clearing his throat, Goyle sat up a bit in his chair, "Boredom really, but after Malfoy showed me the box you gave him, I wanted to come back for closure, and to thank you and Harry for saving me."

"Hey! I did the heavy lifting!" Malfoy interjected.

"Yeah, yeah, thank your arse too" Goyle laughed rolling his eyes. "Alright, Potter, truth or dare?" Harry chose truth which received another sigh from Ginny. "Hmm, alright, have you ever had feelings for Granger?"

"No. She's very much my sister. There may have been a time back in first year that I'm not recalling, but I've always treated her like my sister, even when Ron pissed her off our first year. My heart has always been for the girl on my left."

Both of the girls 'aww'ed before Harry spoke. "Malfoy, truth or dare?" Malfoy hesitated. Looking over at Hermione, she smiled. He chose dare. "Pity, I had a good truth. I dare you to paint Gryffindor colors on your face." Paints appeared and Malfoy grabbed them and painted his face.

"Ok Weaslette, Truth or dare?" She chose dare. "I dare you to snog one person in this room that isn't Harry."

Ginny started walking towards Malfoy whose eyes widened with fear, she turned suddenly and started snogging Hermione much to Hermione's surprise. All three of the boys stared in shock as she pulled away.

"You never specified if it had to be male or female Malfoy. She was best option. Now everyone, a round of shots!" They each did three shots before resuming again. "Ok, Harry, truth or dare?" Harry chose dare. "I dare you to take one person in this room for seven minutes of heaven."

"Well if that's all the time I have tonight, I better make it worth it." He laughed as he grabbed her hand and ran to the closet that had suddenly appeared.

Hermione cast a silencing charm, "They can be a bit loud.", she said as they all laughed.

"Granger, think you can make a loo appear?" Goyle asked. Suddenly one appeared.

"So, were you going to tell me it was your birthday tomorrow?" Malfoy inquired.

"Well, no, I didn't think it was important. Ginny and I just had plans to go to Hogsmeade and get a drink. Why does it matter?"

"My upbringing dictates I should buy you a gift."

"Please don't, I don't need anything. After my parents, well, you know, I just don't really want to celebrate my birthday this year. I'm sure Harry is here just to make sure I'm alright." Malfoy nodded.

Ginny and Harry came out of the closet right as Goyle came back from the loo.

"Ok, my turn. Hermione, truth or dare?" She chose truth, again. "Do you have feelings for Malfoy, more precisely, DRACO Malfoy?"

Hermione glared at Harry then looked at Malfoy who avoided her gaze, to Goyle who suddenly seemed very interested, to Ginny who had a smirk on her face telling her she should have picked dare. Taking in a deep breath. She answered this question like she would any other.  
"While I find Malfoy reasonably attractive, I do not feel I have any feelings for him other than friendship at this time, nor do I think I could have any such romantic feelings, given our past. I could not deny there may be a lust there driven by our sexual hormones because of our age and his handsome appeal. But actual feelings, if any were to be had, are purely just physical." Harry did not seem pleased with this answer, but Hermione continued on. "Malfoy, truth or dare?" He chose truth this time. "Why did you become a Death Eater?"

Hermione had never seen such pain in his eyes. She almost felt guilty asking the question, but it slipped out. Damn alcohol. He'd run, never look back and it's her fault. Damn her and the alcohol. Waiting, she inhaled deeply, hoping he might not run. Goyle patted his back and nodded his head at him. Looking down, Draco put his head into hands.

"The Dark Lord threatened my mother. My father was already in Azkaban and there was no one to protect her. I had to be the one to save her. So I did what any kid living in a house with a psychopath. I took the mark. I don't regret it. My mother is still alive today because of an action I took. I'll never regret that." He stood up and walked to the stocked up bar, filled up his glass and drank it quickly wincing at the burn as it glided down his throat. Malfoy then filled it again, this time only chugging half, again wincing at the burn.

Feeling the heaviness of the atmosphere, Ginny got up, stretched and yawned pretending to be tired. She dragged Harry with her and bid everyone a good night. Goyle took off shortly after leaving Hermione and Malfoy alone. Looking at his watch, the time was approaching midnight.

"I'm truly sorry Malfoy, it just slipped out. You shouldn't have answered that and just told me to sod off. That was not something you should have had to say in front of my friends. I'm deeply, deeply sorry." Hermione said on the verge of tears. She put one hand on his lower back and the other on his arm as she came and stood by him. They stayed like this for quite a while until he looked at his watch again. One minute to midnight.

Turning he looked at Hermione who had placed her head on his shoulder, his shirt now wet from her silent tears. Looking her in the eyes, he realized she was right. Her eyes were filled with sadness and loneliness and in that moment, he knew what she felt before.

"Granger, I won't have time to get you a present, but I do want to be the first to wish you a Happy Birthday. This doesn't change anything later, this is just my gift to you. I promised I would let you know if I wanted to kiss you, and Granger I'm going to do just that right now."

He placed his hands on her waist as the look of shock replaced the sadness in her eyes. He pulled her closer to him, barely touching their bodies together. He could feel her breasts ever so slightly as her chest rose and fell from her quick breaths. Tilting his head to the side, he brought his hands up to Hermione's face. Pulling her lips excruciatingly close to his as her arms came up to his waist. She could feel his warm breath on her lips, smell his cedar musk cologne, and she couldn't close her eyes to shy away from him. She looked in his eyes and saw the same sadness she had seen the week prior. She blinked once before a set of lips came crashing into hers. She parted her lips granting him entry before he had to chance to ask for permission. He darted his tongue into her mouth, wrestling the previous master of the threshold.  
Bringing one hand around the back of her head he pulled her in closer for a more passionate kiss. She hadn't moved.  
When he pulled away, he looked back at her eyes and whispered, "Happy Birthday Granger.", before he turned and left the Room of Requirement.


	8. Chapter 8 - Nightmares

***Disclaimer* I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or JKR's work.**

 **A/N As always, thank you so much for the kind words! I'm thinking about creating an different perspective to this. Right now we're seeing everything in the eyes of Hermione. I'm thinking about making one from the eyes of Draco. Any thoughts? I thought about going back and forth, but I think it'll be fun to just have an opposite perspective. Leave it in a review or pm me.**

 **Also sorry it's quite a bit late. We started school the last week of August (I homeschool my 2 kids), and it's flying by as we enter a new school year. Who can believe we're halfway through September!? I'm hoping now that we're on a good schedule with school that I'll be able to keep to a 1 week schedule for this. Depends on how much independent work I can distract them with.**

 **Let's carry on though, I'm sure you could care less about my ramblings.**

 _Dear whomever is worthy of reading this,_

 **** _I'm heading out to Hogsmeade soon with Harry, Ginny and Luna. I haven't seen much of Luna since we've been back, so it will be nice to see her. Granted Luna can't drink with us yet, but we'll take her out her for eighteenth.  
On to the real reason I've decided to write. Draco. Malfoy. Kissed. Me. I just, I'm not sure what to think to be frank. I admitted he was attractive to Harry and Ginny, even Goyle, during a game of truth or dare, but I didn't imagine he'd kiss me, for my birthday no less. I'm not sure what even possessed him to do so after I asked him why he became a Death Eater. I'd have rather run for the hills than talk to me after that one.  
My suspicions were correct on that as well. He was doing it to save his mother. Honestly, if he hadn't, Harry might not be here today either. I was thinking about it last night and if he hadn't done what he had to save his mother, then she never would have defected and told Voldemort Harry was dead. It could have been Bellatrix who checked him and surely would have tried to kill him herself. Thank goodness for Narcissa's love of her son. _

_Goyle was also there last night, which honestly wasn't much of a shock. Malfoy said he's become a bit of a recluse, which being a Death Eater's son I can imagine has quite the negative response. Life at Hogwarts will certainly be interesting if we all become friends. Imagine, myself, Ginny, Luna, Malfoy and Goyle. Honestly, people will think we were under the Imperius curse._

 _I guess that's the point of a war though. We get over our prejudices, and the best place to start would be at Hogwarts. Gryffindor and Slytherins should attempt to make friends. I'd be completely hypocritical if I shame Malfoy when he's certainly making an attempt to get over the purity of blood. The least I could do is actually try to get to know him as a person._

 _Back to the problem at hand though, Malfoys kiss. I don't know, at this point, where we stand. Obviously avoiding him like last time is not going to work. I need to summon up my Gryffindor courage and face him, or maybe just let life take its course and see where it leads us.  
Best be off though, birthday to celebrate. Happy Birthday to me. Another year without my parents knowing they even gave birth to me. Another year as an orphan._

Sighing, Hermione closed the book and placed it under her pillow. Pulling the curtains around her four poster bed and casting a silencing spell around it, she let go of the tears she was holding in. She knew today would be hard. She missed them. Missed coming from someone. Missed being loved. It was these moments she felt closer to Harry. Knowing it wasn't the same, he could at least understand the feelings she had. Allowing herself thirty minutes of grievance she got ready for the day, where at least she had two of her best friends to help her through it.

When she finally made it to the Great Hall, she looked over at the Slytherin table. Malfoy, who had been talking to Goyle, looked over and gave her a nod of acknowledgment which she returned before heading to the Gryffindor table. Shortly after, Harry and Ginny had arrived with gifts in their hands. Harry had gotten her Alchemy, Ancient Art and Science, Ginny had given her quite the supply of Sleekeazy potions, and Ron, who sent his gift with Harry, had given her a Pheromone perfume. Hugging them both, they finished their breakfasts and left for Hogsmeade with Luna.

The days still had plenty of warmth to them, even if it was the low sixties. The four of them walked around for most of the day, stopping into the Three Broomsticks for a late lunch, early dinner. Saying hello to Hannah Abbott, who was waitressing, they placed their orders.

Luna airily started the conversation. "So Harry, I heard you'll be staying to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts Monday?"

"I will Luna, though Fleur still hasn't told me what she'd like me to go over. I guess we'll work that over tomorrow."

Ginny snorted. "Fat chance. She's been obsessing over werewolves for the last couple weeks. Her and Professor Slughorn have been at wits end because he won't allow us to brew Wolfsbane potion in his class without a viable reason and she refuses to tell him anything."

Harry cocked his head slightly bemused. "Strange? Bill doesn't transform, so it can't be for Bill. Do you know why she's so adamant?"

"GIIIINNY, has refused to ask." Hermione stated matter-of-factly.

"Well Ms. Judgemental, have you asked?" Harry accused.

"Well, no, but I figured a question like that, possibly pertaining her brother, would come best from her sister-in-law."

"Except," Ginny interrupted, "That you are as much Fleur's sister-in-law as I am."

"Hardly! I am not blood related not related by marriage. If anything I'm going to be more of your sister-in-law as Harry is like a brother to me."

"Hardly," Ginny mocked, "You're not blood related or related by marriage. Harry can't be yo- Oh no, Harry I know that look. You're going to ask aren't you?"

"Ginny it just doesn't make sense. You heard her after the attack. She's been with him in this state for more than two years. Something isn't adding up. You only take Wolfsbane when you transform."

"That's what I said Harry. Other than Lupin and Greyback though, none of us know any werewolves. Malfoy doesn't recall any either. Who would she need the potion for?"

"We'll find out tomorrow. I'm asking. If I'm to help her teach a class, she needs to fill me in. I'm positive I can get Slughorn to get the class to brew the potion without telling him, but she needs to tell me."

The food arrived and they dropped the subject. Harry, Hermione and Ginny all drank firewhiskey while Luna had pumpkin juice. As curfew approached they left the pub quite happier than when they arrived, to head back to the castle. Hermione successfully forgetting about her parents for most of the day. She had great friends, who for the moment, was all the family she needed.

Saying goodnight to Harry, the girls headed up to their dorm. Collapsing on her bed, Hermione missed the owl that was waiting. After a loud hoot, a nip, and a scream from Hermione, she grabbed the piece of parchment giving the sneaky owl a treat. She recognized the script as Malfoy's and couldn't help the grin that spread on her face.

Coming out of the bathroom, Ginny said, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you had feelings for whoever wrote that note. Who was the owl from? Malfoy?"

Glaring at Ginny, Hermione opened it as Ginny read over her shoulder.

 _Granger,  
I still can't get into that bloody room. Do you have a chance to meet me tomorrow for a bit at our spot? Hope you had a good birthday.  
D.M._

"You have a spot now huh?" Ginny smirked.

"It's not OUR spot Gin. I'm sure he was just being secretive in case someone else intercepted the letter. No one other than you, Harry and Goyle knows we fixed up the room." Though secretly Hermione's stomach had done some flips as she read 'our spot.' Interrupting her thoughts, Ginny continued.

"So I guess you're taking Estella's assignment very seriously? Becoming a bit more than friendly with Malfoy. You know Ron will go bloody insane if he finds out you have feelings for the ferret."

"I don't have feelings for Malfoy Ginny. We are JUST friends."

"Who have kissed twice."

"He hates my kind."

"Yet you've kissed twice. Once initiated by him."

"We both enjoy studying in peace."

"And kissing."

"Ginny!" Hermione glared.

"Hermione!" Rolling her eyes, Ginny sighed and continued. "I'm just saying. He wouldn't have willingly kissed you this morning if he truly was against Muggle-borns and you know that. Why don't you go see him while Harry and I are with Fleur? We'll be going after breakfast." Seeing her face, Ginny added, "and no we don't need you there. Fleur might open up more if it's just us anyway."

Frustrated, and even more confused, Hermione nodded and grabbed a quill and parchment to note a time before sending it off with the still angry owl. "I just - It's Malfoy Ginny."

"Yes, but if anyone can make him turn a new leaf, it's you. You may not realize yet that you like him, but it's worth looking into. If nothing else, he's nice to look at right?"

Rolling her eyes, she tucked herself in as Ginny did the same while laughing and they both fell asleep within minutes.

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Harry and Ginny were heading to Fleur's office as Hermione waited for Malfoy after breakfast. It wasn't entirely unreasonable for them to be seen together as they're in the same classes and paired up frequently due to their matching wits. She grinned when she saw him step out of the Great Hall and head in her direction, studying his features. He didn't have his normal sneer, but wasn't smirking either. He looked exhausted.

"Morning Malfoy." Hermione said with a smile as he approached.

With a small nod of his head, he greeted her the same. They stepped together in silence as they started the route to the Room of Requirement. A younger Gryffindor, Hermione was unsure of the name, stepped in their path before they reached the staircases. He was larger and taller than her with brown hair and brown eyes. He had big ears and a nose that matched.

"What are you doing with a Death Eater?" The Gryffindor boy said in disgust.

"Former." She corrected. "And quite frankly, it's not any of your business. Who are you?" Looking over at Malfoy she saw his eyes drop to the ground as he started to walk around the boy.

"The name's Trev. You should steer clear of that Death Eater. He's no good, especially for a war heroine such as yourself." He replied firmly.

"Well Trev, as a war heroine, I believe my decisions on whom I choose to associate myself with are up to me. As for Mr. Malfoy, an ex-death eater and was no older than yourself when he was forced into doing something he would have rather not done, I find him rather pleasant to be around. As for you, I kindly suggest you keep your large nose out of other people's business. Especially when you are ill informed on such matters. Have a good day." Hermione pushed past him and grabbed Malfoy's arm as they ascended up the stairs. "The NERVE of people."

Malfoy kept his eyes to the ground as Hermione huffed walking once, twice, three times, until the door popped up. Opening it, she motioned for Malfoy to enter before she slammed the door and continued her rant.

"Honestly! The nerve he has! Telling me, Hermione Granger, not to associate with people he knows nothing about. Makes me want to throw him off a broom. I should have hexed him."

"He's not wrong." Malfoy murmured.

Whipping around, Hermione took note of his posture, normally straight, was now hunched. He was still standing, still looking at the floor, avoiding her eye contact. "Excuse me? I don't think I heard you correctly. You are not a death eater."

"I used to be." He mumbled.

"Draco Malfoy, you look at me. Now." Hermione waited for him to look at her, when he did she had trouble recognizing the emotion on his face. "You are NOT a death eater. You WERE a death eater, by force of Voldemort. Not because you chose it."

It was almost as if Malfoy woke up by the sound of Voldemort's name, like something snapped inside him. Rage spread across his face before he ripped up the sleeve, breaking the button at the cuff. "Dammit Granger! What do you think this is? This - this is a dark mark! A mark I willingly took for the Dark Lord. A mark I willingly accepted! A choice I made! You can't pretend I was never a death eater. You can't pretend the bloody students here are going to care that your arrogant little know-it-all self can willingly walk beside a death eater. You can't pretend doing so won't get you harassed! You can't pretend we're friends, and you certainly don't need to be all Gryffindor and stick up for me."

"Maybe, just MAYBE, I think we are friends. Maybe I think you stick up for your friends, as Harry, Ron and I have so often done against you in the past. Maybe I feel it necessary to stick up for you when I see you're trying to change - "

"What gives you any sort of clue that I'm trying to change? Because I study with you? Because I spent one night here with Weaslette and Potty?" He spat.

Blushing, her thoughts immediately went to his kiss and what Ginny had said. Seeing her blush his eyes widened. "Granger, I told you yesterday, that it meant nothing."

"Then why did you do it? I'm a _mudblood_ remember." She drawled angrily.

Growling at her as he flinched against the word. "You're a bloody infuriating gobshite is what you are!"

"Oh that's rich coming from you, you gobby prat!"

Malfoy folded his arms against his chest as he stormed away from her sneering. He sat down at the desk and pulled a book out to study, all while slamming everything as loud as he could. Hermione contemplated leaving and going to find Harry and Ginny, but was torn because she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of winning or bumping into that bloke while she was still angry. Ultimately she sat on the couch and started reading the new book Harry had given her.

As she continued reading she pulled out a quill and parchment to take notes. She felt Malfoy's stares. He would look up from the desk, roll his eyes and look back at his work.

"Is there something wrong that you keep rolling your eyes Malfoy, or are you just going to be a large prat all day?" Hermione demanded after she had made herself dinner and continued reading.

"You're taking notes on a book you're reading for fun. What part of that do you think will not make me roll my eyes."

"I quite enjoy taking notes on what I find important enough to remember in a book."

Rolling his eyes again, he stood and walked to the kitchenette. "I'm making some tea, would you like some?"

Hermione went back to scribbling as she replied she would. Having had tea with her over the summer and spending the last few weeks together, she knew he knew how she liked it. Setting her tea on the table in front of her, he sat on the opposite end of the couch watching her while he sipped.

"When are you planning on not taking the sleep potion?" He asked after he had finished half his tea.

Putting her quill down, she closed her book and set it on the table. Grabbing her tea she leaned against the arm of the couch folding her knees in front of her chest. "I haven't decided." she said then sipped her tea. "Why?"

Shrugging, "Would you be so inclined to allow me a dose the days that you do so I can get a full night sleep?"

"Maybe if you tell me what your nightmares are about." She bargained.

"When the time comes, if you agree, I might." He said as cunningly as a snake would.

They sat in silence while they drank their tea, each in their own thoughts. Hermione still wasn't sure if she was going to be able to get through a night without it. The thought of waking up screaming in the dorms was frightening. She'd wake everyone in the house up. Maybe she could sleep here. She'd have privacy away from everyone and no one would hear her. Making up her mind, she now just needed to decide when. Looking up, Malfoy looked exhausted. She was worried she'd have to take him to the hospital wing again if he collapsed.

"Tonight."

Malfoy looked up in puzzlement.

"Tonight, I'm not going to the potion. If you'd like it, it's yours. I can see you're struggling and I really don't want you in the hospital wing again if I can help it."

"Always the Gryffindor." He snickered.

"Take it or leave it Malfoy. It may be your only offer." Laughing when he nodded quickly. "I'll be back in a little bit then. I'm going to say goodnight to Harry and Ginny and grab the potion for you.

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When she got back to the Gryffindor Common Room, Harry and Ginny weren't in site. As she reached her dorm, there was a note on her bed.

 _Harry and I went to Hogsmeade for a dinner date. We'll be back later to discuss what happened with Fleurs'. You're NOT going to believe it._

Smiling, she figured it'd be a late night for them and scribbled a note in reply that they'd talk early morning and why she wouldn't be back in the dorm that night so they wouldn't come looking for her. She knew she wasn't going to get much sleep as it was. Grabbing her jammies, the potion, and her toothbrush, she left to go back to the Room of Requirement.

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Hermione got back to a napping Malfoy. Leaving the potion on the table in front of him she closed her eyes and thought of a bedroom. Opening her eyes she saw a new door on the opposite side of the room. Turning the handle, the room had a bed and a night stand. The walls were an auburn color. The bed spread was a burgundy with a thick blanket. Hermione took a deep breath, changed into her jammies, brushed her teeth and crawled into the bed. She kept her eyes closed planning her dream. After what felt like a couple of hours, she finally drifted off to sleep exhausted from preparing to sleep without the potion.

" _The sword mudblood! Where did you get it?"  
Tears were flooding her eyes as she started screaming from pain as a knife stabbed her arm.  
_" _I'm going to ask you again! Where did you get this sword? Where?"  
_ " _We found it! We found it! PLEASE! Screaming again as the pain seared through her forearm once more.  
_ " _You're lying, filthy mudblood, and I know it! You've been inside my vault at Gringotts! Tell the truth, tell the truth!" Carving more letters into Hermione's arm she screamed again. Eyes so blurry full of tears she couldn't see. She couldn't breath. "What else did you take? What else have you got? Tell me the truth, or I swear, I shall run you through with this knife!"  
Carving into her arm once again Hermione couldn't think. She could only focus on the pain that was searing through her arm. Pain from her fingers to her shoulder. Pain she'd never felt before.  
_" _What else did you take, what else? ANSWER ME! CRUCIO!"  
Screaming she was looking into the eyes of Malfoy pleading for help. He did nothing. He just stood there as she screamed and writhed in pain. Bellatrix's laugh ringing in her ears. The site of Malfoy fading away. Darkness taking control._

Hermione was being forcibly shaken. She was screaming and crying hysterically.

"Granger! Granger! Wake up! Granger! Open your eyes! Look at me!" screamed a deep voice.

Who was screaming at her? Who was shaking her? She slowly started gasping for breath through the sobs. She saw him. Malfoy. Hermione grabbed onto his shirt tightly and started crying harder as she yelled, "Why...didn't...you...SAVE...me?"

Malfoy stopped shaking her. He grabbed her face to get her to look at him. Focus on him. "Calm down. Deep breaths. Calm. Inhale. Exhale." He spoke softly to her.

The tears weren't stopping though and the more she looked at him, the more the picture in her nightmare came to her. She closed her eyes and tried to curl into herself. Malfoy's hands still on her face. He was still telling her how to breath. His arms stretched around her, holding her as tight as a straight jacket she assumed would. Her tears were coming less frequently as she hiccuped out, "You…didn't...save...me." *hiccup* "You...could...have...saved...me."

"Shh, I'm here now. Shhh." Malfoy started rocking her. "I'm not going anywhere Granger. I promise."

Crying, she clutched onto his arms, she contoured her body into his. Hermione knew she could never erase that day. She knew the nightmares would stay. Bellatrix was dead. Draco could have died if he tried to save her. Hermione knew he tried to protect them as best he could by delaying their identities. She knew it realistically he could never have saved her. Bellatrix showed no sympathy to her victims and she would have had no problem killing her nephew, as she had no problem killing her niece.

When her crying finally ceased and was just a hiccup, he didn't let go. Malfoy continued rocking her. "I'm sorry Malfoy. I thought you might have already slipped out by the time I fell asleep."

"I was just about to when I heard you screaming." He lied What was your nightmare about?"

Hermione released her grip on his arm and extended her arm out to look at her scar. Following her gaze he squeezed her tighter, if that were at all possible.

In a near whisper, Malfoy said, "Granger, if there were ever a day in history I could change. It would be that day."

"Malfoy, you would have gotten yourself killed if you tried. I know why you couldn't save me."

"I think about that night more than I care to admit. It's one of my worst nightmares. I wish I could change it. Remember over the summer when you came to therapy and the room was a disaster? That was because Estella was trying to convince me I needed to change the outcome of my dream. There was no way. In the end, you were still hurt, except it always ended with both of us dead instead of you being free. In the end if I tried to save you, all of us would have been killed. Me, you, Potter, my mother. All of us." He sunk his head into her shoulder.

"Estella said the same thing to me. I managed it once." Hermione said turning her body slightly to face him. She wiped the tear that had escaped his eye. "It didn't change what happened. I changed the feelings of the nightmare. You had cast a bliss spell and an anti-pain spell on me. I couldn't smell the blood anymore, and I certainly couldn't feel a thing. I smelled roses, then I was pulled and everything was the same. That's the only time I've never woken up screaming from that nightmare. After that Estella asked me to get to know you better because we might be able to help each other. We're never going to be able to erase that memory Malfoy."

"So if you were able to manage it before? Why were you unable to this time?" Malfoy questioned.

"You faded away. I thought I had prepared well enough over the last couple of hours before falling asleep. Recalling the last time I was able to control the dream. I'm not sure if we are ever going to completely control it. I'm not entirely sure I believe in Estella's methods either but something is better than nothing."

"So you only gave me a chance because Estella told you to?" Malfoy asked pretending to be hurt by the knowledge.

Playfully slapping him, she laughed out, "Well it wasn't like you were exactly trying to get to know me either. You've made this process bloody awful you know that?"

They continued to laugh and talk about their sessions with Estella well into the late hours of the night. She found out Malfoy also kept a journal. He had been seeing Estella since right after the trial as one of his stipulations. Neither one talked about any of their other nightmares as they drifted off to sleep while she was still in his hold. Neither had nightmares for the remainder of the night. The bottle of dreamless sleep left on the table.


	9. Chapter 9 - Twenty Questions

**Oh my gosh...I'm so sorry guys. I totally thought I had posted this and just went to go post chapter 10. (ya know, 10/10/10. haha) I can't believe I didn't get this up for you. I'll post 10 by Friday to give ya'll time to read this. Sorry again!**

 **This chapter is a lot more dialog than previous chapters, but sometimes I feel it's worth it. I hope you enjoy some of the fluffiness you'll get out of this chapter.  
Regarding Draco's perspective, I'm going to finish a few chapters, then post it so I can post weekly's and make sure I get the weekly's out regularly. I'll add a note here when I do that.**

 ***Disclaimer* I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or JKR's work.**

Potions class was more tense than usual given the talk between Harry and Professor Slughorn earlier that week. Wearing protective gear, Malfoy and Hermione were finishing up their brew of wolfsbane potion. So far they were the only pair successful in brewing it on the first go. Much of the class had to restart their brews after quite a few explosions. With a puff of the final smoke, their potion was ready for Professor Slughorn to view. With a nod of approval, he told the potion mastering duo to grab some vials and take them to Professor Weasley, dismissing them from class.

As soon as they reached her office, Fleur hugged Hermione tight. She noticed Malfoy staring at her curiously. She gave him a quick shake of her head hoping he'd understand she couldn't tell him currently. Bidding farewell to Fleur leaving with a week's supply of potions, Hermione went to the library to study while classes were still taking place, Malfoy trailing along. Taking a seat at the far back table so not to be disturbed, Hermione cast _muffliato_ before telling Malfoy why Fleur needed those potions.

"Wait." Malfoy was rubbing his temples trying to comprehend what she'd just told him. "Fenrir was caught though, wasn't he?"

"He was, but Malfoy, you had other werewolves fighting alongside you. It wasn't a full moon yet, not for another week, so, unfortunately, you would have never known who was or wasn't a werewolf. They were made promises from Voldemort to make their life better, not to live in the dark shadows of others."

Malfoy snorted, "We all know that's a lie. What do you think will happen?"

Hermione stared down at the table deep in thought. Raising her eyes to meet his, "Well the full moon in less than two weeks away. The potions will need to be taken starting Monday to avoid turning. After that, I guess we'll see. Fleur is more than capable of handling this, as her husband was attacked by Fenrir."

"This is entirely different though Granger. Werewolves don't recognize - "

"Save it Malfoy. I'm well aware of the repercussions of werewolves, remember?"

"Oh right. I almost forgot; another one of your suicidal attempts." He said with distaste, rolling his eyes.

"Well some of us were trying to save innocent creatures from untimely murders, while others were nursing a broken nose." She quipped.

Sneering at her, he pulled his books out of his bag and plopped them onto her hands; smirking as she screeched. Hermione scowled at him, retrieving her own books.

Ginny had been running drills with her new team until the late hours of the night. They were forced inside for dinner by Professor McGonagall. Malfoy had made Seeker on the Slytherin team, but as most of the team was previous players they didn't need as much practice and opted to practice on Thursdays. Ginny flopped into the seat next to Hermione sighing loudly beginning to complain about her team and how exhausting it was to be a captain. Malfoy, being more knowledgeable about Quidditch than Hermione, gave her tiny bits of advice that wouldn't hinder his team. Looking at her notes she was satisfied with all the advice he gave her.

"So. Now that I have you to myself for a few minutes, you going to tell me what happened Sunday night?" Ginny asked once they got back to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Um. Well. Maybe I should just let you read this." Pulling her journal, she flipped to the page from Monday and handed it over to Ginny.

 _Dear whomever is worthy of reading this,_ Ginny chuckled.

 _Wow. Last night was a rollercoaster of emotions. Harry and Ginny had been got all day with Fleur, so I spent the day with Malfoy. Of course we had a row, but honestly, they aren't like the rows I have with Ron. It's almost fun with Malfoy. We didn't spend much of the day talking, which isn't new either. I know he's there, he knows I'm there, but we're not getting harassed by anyone. Except for that bloody Gryffindor we saw before we got to the Room of Requirement. Honestly, I might hex him the next time I see him.  
Malfoy asked_ _to borrow my dreamless sleep potion while I wasn't using it._ _I made a room for myself._

Ginny stopped. "Hermione, why is this part blank?"

"Oh. Um, well it's charmed to show you only what I'm comfortable with you seeing. I'm not really comfortable with you seeing that, as of yet."

Giving her a hard look, she said, "You know I'll find out eventually."

"Yes, and until then, you can wait. So unless you'd like me to take my journal back, I suggest you stop prying into useless information if you'd like to know what happened Sunday night."

Rolling her eyes, Ginny fingered the page finding her place.

 _myself. I started the mastery dream plan like I'd done last month, but instead of Malfoy placing me under an anti-pain and bliss spell he vanished into the darkness. I wasn't sure quite what that meant, but I think I'm starting to understand now. I'm not too sure I'm keen on where my head is at currently, to be frank. Malfoy woke me up from my nightmare, which was a few hours later. He claims he was just leaving, but I could tell he was lying. I didn't press the matter though as it felt nice just to have him there. We stayed up talking until well past midnight and fell asleep together. Though neither of us had taken the dreamless sleep potion, neither of us had nightmares. When we woke up this morning, he started his 'we're not friends' crap again. I just let him, said thank you for staying with me and left. Of course, he avoided me the rest of the day, but if he won't allow me to avoid him. I won't allow him to avoid me.  
I fully enjoy seeing this side of Malfoy and seeing him makes my day instantly better most of the time. He's not replacing Harry and Ron, but between Ginny and Malfoy I feel better than I have for over a year. It feels normal. Ginny is very much my Harry and Malfoy is very much my Ron. If Goyle comes around a bit more, I'm sure he'll be my new Ginny.  
Well, I guess that's it for now. I have to eat before Ginny starts shoving food down my throat._

Smiling, Ginny looked up at Hermione who was biting her bottom lip waiting for her to finish. "You're right about one thing, I will start shoving food down your throat. But you're also wrong about two other things. One. I will NEVER be Harry. I'm much more amazing. Two, Goyle is way to shy to be me and I don't see him snogging too many girls this year."

Laughing, Hermione nodded. "Very true Gin. I can't believe all this has happened in three weeks. Seven years Malfoy and I were 'enemies' and in a matter of three weeks we've blown it to bits."

"Well, I mean that's what happens when you like someone. It doesn't matter about their past, what matters are your futures."

"Woah! Um, absolutely not. I don't like Malfoy, especially like that. I've also only recently gotten out of a relationship with your brother, who I liked for many many many years."

"Yes, and you were still put off whenever he tried to kiss you. Face it Hermione, you and my brother are like sister and brother. The idea of him more than that was fascinating, until you got together. Tell me honestly, could you see yourself shagging my brother?"

"Well, when you say it like that - "

"Enough for me. Now how about Malfoy? Could you see yourself shagging him?"

"I don't know. We're bare-"

"Enough for me. You're more open to Malfoy than you are to Ron. It's simple Hermione, get to know Malfoy, in a personal way. He's obviously into you. Now let's get some sleep. We have double Herbology tomorrow."

Hermione had trouble sleeping after that talk with Ginny though. Was she developing feelings? No. She couldn't be. He was a prat but had his sweet moments. He pushed her away, but he pulled her in all the same. They were just becoming friends and barely knew each other. Sighing, she resigned herself, once again, to actually get to know Malfoy.

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Hermione was sitting in the Room of Requirement with Ginny, Goyle, and Malfoy. It was a tough day for each of them and they had the next three days to unwind. It was getting harder to avoid students that were taking pictures, screaming horrible names at them, or asking for autographs. She knew Malfoy and Goyle had it much more difficult than she, but was also never one for the spotlight.

Sharing a bottle of firewhiskey they discussed their plans for the future. Hermione going into law, Ginny playing professional Quidditch, Malfoy taking over the family fortune and all the responsibilities that came with it, and Goyle was thinking he'd be best suited as a guard at Gringotts because of his stature.

Eventually Ginny and Goyle had fallen asleep in their chairs fairly intoxicated. Hermione had been lounging on the couch but raised her knees and motioned for Malfoy to sit at the other end. Casting a _muffliato_ spell so not to wake the other two, they poured themselves another round.

"Malfoy, I don't think I've been taking Estella's assignment serious enough," Hermione stated, rather tipsy. "I propose, we play a game of twenty questions. What say you?"

"Alright, any limitations?"

"No questions about parents?" Hermione suggested, knowing both of them felt rather protective of their parents.

"Sounds fair. Ten each, shall I go first?" He waited for Hermione to nod before continuing. "Alright, I guess I'll start out simple. What's your favourite colour?"

"Periwinkle. I'm not going to waste mine asking the same question as it's very obvious, yours is green."

"Think you know me so well huh?"

"I do think I know a bit about you after seven years. Your favourite colour is green, animal either the snake or dragon and subject would be poti-"

"Alright, alright. Either I'm fairly predictable or you've been watching me." He said laughing. "For the record, it's Dragon. What's your question then?"

"What do you do in your spare time?"

"Easy. Read, make potions, torment Gryffindors. What do you do in your spare time?"

"Oh, that's hard. I haven't had spare time for so long. The obvious answer would be reading, but I enjoy traveling when I get the chance. Who's your longest friend?"

"Theo, we grew up from diapers together, though I haven't seen him much in years because of well - everything. How did you feel when you learned you were a witch?"

"Relieved, excited. I knew I wasn't crazy for making things happen as I did. If you could be any Animagus form, what would it be?"

A flicker flashed into his eyes and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "Don't laugh, as I've actually put a lot of thought into this since fourth year. But I'd want to take on the form of a Great Serpent Dragon."

"How cliche. A Slytherin whose name means dragon wanting to be the Great Serpent." She said as she laughed. "Here I thought you'd like to be a ferret."

Rolling his eyes at her, he swats at her knee. "Oh ha ha. I suppose miss thing over here would be a book if she could?"

"Is that your question then?" Draco nodded and she giggled again. "No, no, not a book, I feel like I'd take my Patronus form. An otter in case you were unaware. What's your dream job?"

"An otter. Huh. My dream job would be being a father. I want to give my son what I did not have. I don't need to work, I have an extreme amount of wealth as you know, but I don't want my son to be spoiled like I was and I want him to know love, and that he can be anything. I won't except him to be top of class, or mad for failing to beat a muggle-born witch who had a knack for putting me in my place. How many children do you want to have?"

Hermione felt her heart melt just a bit. This was the Malfoy she enjoyed getting to know. Talking about loving his future children, wanting to be a father. He certainly was different from what she remembered. "Um, I think I'd like two. One of each. You can get the experiences of both genders, but they aren't lonely like an only child and you don't spread yourself too thin when you have more than two. How many do you want?"

"It's well known that for generations the Malfoy line has only produced one boy. If there was a different choice of that, I'd say two as well, for many of the same reasons you have. What's your dream job?"

"Eventually to be the next Minister of Magic." Hesitating, she took a deep breath for her next question, summoning her Gryffindor courage. "Do you feel that we are friends?"

"Wow, getting real personal now huh Granger?" Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes before answering, and opening them again. "I do. As much as it pains me to answer. The people in this room are those I consider friends. Even Weaslette has been very accepting of me at this point., which given the rest of the students actions in this school, I'm extremely grateful for. My turn, are you and Weasel together?"

"No, we broke up about a month ago. My turn, how many girls have you snogged?"

"I thought this was a game about getting to know each other, not who I've snogged. Too many to count. I'd say most of the Slytherin girls, some Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws, but only one Gryffindor. My turn, why did you and Weasel break up?"

"We work better as friends. My tu-"

"Come on Granger, give me more than that. I'm elaborating on the answers I'm giving you. We're supposed to be getting to know each other and I know how long you pined over him."

Sighing, Hermione inhaled deeply. "We work better as friends. For now at least. He wants to be very physical and I'm trying to heal and while I enjoy being physical, it was too much for me. I want to stop the nightmares, move on, grow up, you know? I can't help him, and that makes me feel like a failure. But if I could let him go, maybe he could find someone that will give him the physical connection he so desperately needs."

"Fair enough. Your turn."

"Have your prejudices against muggle-borns really changed or is it a front?"

Malfoy stared at her for a few minutes, contemplating how to answer the question. She stayed quiet, waiting patiently. "When I was in sixth year, Harry got me with the Sectumsempra curse as you know. That was the year all of my beliefs started to shift. This man was killing innocent people, pure-bloods even. He was torturing us. Torturing me, my mother. I knew then, that my beliefs would never be the same, but I had limited choices. When I saw you in my drawing room, I was so angry. My escape from the hell I was living in, was standing in my drawing room. Screaming from my basement. Bleeding on my floor." Malfoy leaned forward putting his head in his hands. "Granger, I'll never get that day out of my head. You're always in my head. Every day. Screaming. Begging me with your big brown eyes to save you. I wish every day that I could. I know there's nothing I can do now, and Voldemort is dead so all was well in the end. But every day, you're there. I'll spend every day trying to make it up to you."

Hermione made her way down the couch so she was seated next to him. Putting one of her arms around his back, and the other around his middle she laid her head against his shoulder. He moved his one of his hands down to rub the arm across his middle. Rubbing her scar.

Trying to cut the tension, Malfoy asked, "What is the craziest thing you've ever done and would you consider doing it again?"

"Ha, um. That's tough. I'd say most of my crazy things I've done were dangerous, and not something I'd ever do again. The one I'd say was crazy that I would do again though, would be kissing you. Would you consider kissing me again?"

As if there was only one way to answer the question, Malfoy turned to tuck a locket of hair behind her ear, leaned over and pulled her into a passionate kiss. Moving his hand from her ear into her hair, he stopped at the small of her neck and pulled her in, deepening the kiss. Slightly parting her lips, she waited eagerly for Malfoy to wrestle her tongue. She needed someone to be in control of her right now and knew he needed to feel in control. Malfoy dragged his tongue around the rim of her mouth, tasting her. Tilting his head further he invaded her mouth, wrestling her tongue. She tasted the firewhiskey on his. Without letting her go he shifted to lean back against the arm of the couch and pulled her closer. Their shins touching as he pulled her other leg over his thigh to bring her closer.

She tried to hold the whimper in her throat. Her stomach filled with butterflies, or from the threat of the alcohol coming back up. She expected him to move his hands over her body, but he didn't. He kept one hand firmly planted in her air, the other on the bottom of her thigh he had brought over his. She wanted to close the gap between them. Be close to someone. She felt his hand slowly moving up her thigh, his fingertips grazing the side of her bum, onto her hips where he gently squeezed a bit tighter. The feeling made her stomach flip. It was sending tingling down to her toes and she could feel herself becoming damp.

When he lessened their kiss to numerous pecks, Malfoy smirked against her mouth. "Does...that...answer...your...question?" He asked in between peppering her with kisses.

"Huh?" Confused by his statement she leaned back slightly to look into his eyes. They were filled with lust and want. Whispering she asked, "What are we doing?"

Malfoy put his forehead against hers, "Two questions in a row Granger. By calculations, that puts us at 19. I believe I've answered your first and to answer your second, we were kissing." Seeing her start to interrupt he put his finger to her mouth to stop her. "Stop thinking Granger. It happened. I don't know why, but I just can't stop myself. You're like a drug to me. Lay here with me tonight."

"That's not a question Malfoy."

"Question twenty. Will you lay with me tonight?" He asked as he reached around her to grab the blanket on the back of the couch. He watched her nod and scooted down the couch into a laying position pulling her to his side, sandwiching her between the back of the couch and him as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders pulling the blanket over them. They closed their eyes.

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The next morning she felt herself being poked while she heard her hushed name. She knew it was Ginny, though she couldn't recall why she'd be whispering. Half asleep she extended her arm to stretch instantly realizing she was laying half on a hard mass, the other half of her on the couch. She suddenly remembered what happened the night before. Her eyes shot open and she looked into the sleeping form that was Malfoy. He looked so peaceful. Trying to be as still as possible, Hermione turned and looked into the eyes of Ginny, who put her arms up as to ask what had happened. Giving her a glare that told her to remain quiet she tried to pry herself away from the warmth. She reached her hands out for Ginny figuring it'd be safer to go over the couch than over Malfoy. Nodding over to the bedroom in the Room of Requirement they tiptoed into the room.

"Care to explain?" Ginny whispered, unsure why as Malfoy and Goyle wouldn't be able to hear them behind the closed door.

"You guys fell asleep, we played twenty questions. We just fell asleep like that. Nothing happened." She defended also whispering.

"Nothing?" Ginny accused crossing her arms.

"Well… I mean we snogged a bit. Nothing more."

"Hermione Jean Granger!" Ginny squealed.

"Shh Ginny, how can you even remotely be ok with this? I'm constantly fighting myself. One, he's Malfoy. Two, I broke up with your brother because he was too intimate, yet I'm getting cozy with Malfoy."

"Well, for one, Malfoy isn't all that bad from what I've been gathering, I don't think we gave him a fair chance given who he was. Two, my brother was on you like a lost puppy. You've snogged Malfoy three times in a month, that's hardly what you were doing with my brother. You were lucky to go five minutes without him trying." Ginny reasoned. "Do you have feelings for him?"

"Ron? Of course. I always will I think." After seeing Ginny glaring at her like she was an idiot, it dawned on her she meant Malfoy. "OH! Um, I don't know Gin. Maybe? He's intellectually a better match for me. Oh, I don't know! Why is this so hard? He's MALFOY."

"Yes, and I'm Ginny and you're Hermione. Thank you for pointing out the obvious. What exactly is stopping you?"

"He's arrogant."

"So is Ron."

"He can be a prat."

"So can Ron."

"He was a death eater."

"With a good heart."

"He… he…"

"Is handsome. Challenges you. Apparently is a good snogger. Listen, if you don't take the leap and try I might just go for it."

"You have Harry."

"Yes, but Malfoy is oh so tempting."

Sighing Hermione slumped onto the bed and put her head in her hands. Was she developing feelings for Malfoy? Was she just pitying him? Was she using him? She would never have tried to get to know him if it wasn't for Estella telling her to. She felt the dip in the bed next to her.

"Hermione, did you take a dreamless sleep potion last night?"

"What? Oh, uh, no. why?"

"Hermione, you didn't have a nightmare."

Her eyes widened as she looked back at Ginny. This was an interesting theory. Was this a theory she could bring to Estella? She should maybe test it again before she brought it up. There was then a knock on the door pulling her gaze from Ginny. Malfoy entered and gave her a small smile. She felt the butterflies in her stomach again as her cheeks turned pink.

"Granger, I think we need to talk.".

"If you're going to tell me that we're not friends, I think I will throttle you Malfoy." She sighed, feeling defeated. Anytime they got close he backpedaled and she was beginning to feel closer and closer to how she felt with Ron. Like a complete failure.

"No Granger, I told you last night, it pained me to admit it to you. Don't make me repeat it. I do think we have other matters to discuss though." Looking over at Ginny, who had a wide knowing smile, he blushed.

 _What could make him blush?_ she thought as Ginny walked out of the room winking at her and closing the door behind her. If she could only get her stomach to settle she could figure it out.


	10. Chapter 10 - Mixed Signals

**The amount of love for this story is phenomenal! Thank you to all my readers!  
Healing through Nightmares chapter 1 has just been posted. This is Draco's perspective of this story. Eventually I'll catch up and be posting them side by side. Can't wait to see your opinions! **

Malfoy joined Hermione on the bed. She was watching him as he nervously played with his hands. The blush in his cheeks still hadn't gone away. The pink colour on his face made him look more like approachable, and less of the Malfoy git of the past. She studied his face for any clues as to what he would want to speak with her about. She, herself, had many topics in mind that all could be addressed. Their kisses, their friendship, their feelings. He finally looked up and locked eyes with her. His grey eyes full of sadness.

"What are we doing Granger?", he whispered.

"Well, I'm pretty sure we're sitting on a bed talking." She said back with a small smile.

Turning his head, Malfoy narrowed his eyes at her and arched his eyebrow, before rolling his eyes, silently telling her that she knew what he meant. He turned his head back, his hands becoming interesting again. Hermione knew she needed to be the one to speak. She knew Malfoy wasn't able to open up or share his feelings. The only times in the past were after he had a bit of alcohol. Getting an idea, she grabbed her wand from the nightstand and transfigured two pillows into glasses. Putting them down she pulled out a small bottle of firewhiskey from the drawer of the nightstand.

"Liquid courage?" She offered, pouring him a glass and handing it to him. He took it and knocked it back, closing his eyes, as she took a large gulp from hers, slowly letting it glide down her throat as she enjoyed the feel of the burn. Setting it down, she rotated her body lifting one leg to bring it fully onto the bed so she could face him. "Malfoy, I don't know what we're doing. I'm attracted to you physically, as I've told you before but at the same time, we have a lot of bad history and are just becoming friends. I'm not sure if it's just that you're different now that you're not following all the purity stuff and I'm misinterpreting our friendship because it's different from mine with Ron or Harry or if there's chemistry between us."

He snorted, still looking down at his hands, "Oh there's chemistry all right." Looking up he exhaled at the door before turning towards her, mirroring her position before calmly speaking. "This whole situation confuses me, Granger. You're a mud-ggleborn. I've been raised my whole life to despise you, yet you're the first one to accept me after the war. Which is a miracle in of itself considering our positions. However, we can never be anything more than friends. My family would never accept you. Snogging you was a mistake. Is a mistake. A mistake I enjoy, but it can't happen again. Friends?" He finished, putting his hand out to shake hers.

Nodding, she shakily took his hand. Hermione felt the tension between them in that handshake. A cable ready to snap. Something was telling her not to accept being just friends with him. In chemistry, the best experiments were ones that caused explosions. Experiments you never knew what the outcome was going to be until it happened. She felt as if someone was taking her experiment away before it was finished leaving her with so many more questions. Leaving her open to wonder what the conclusion would be. What they could be. Looking into his grey eyes she saw his face change from hope to relief. He got up, kissed her forehead and walked out leaving her alone in her thoughts.

Was Ginny right? Was he right? Hermione wished there was a book on relationships between purebloods and muggle-borns. A how-to guide. How to deal these feelings? How to get past his parent's hatred for her? How to open his heart?

Dropping back onto the bed, she sighed. If she can't admit to her own feelings out loud, how can she expect Malfoy to? Maybe it's time to talk to Estella.  
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It was the first of October; Hermione was sitting in the back corner near the restricted section of the library. She found she wasn't usually followed by her crazed fans back there. Malfoy was at Quidditch practice but had been avoiding her for the past few days. There was a Gryffindor vs Slytherin match this weekend that had many people buzzing about excitedly. Not many people were in the library, so Hermione was concentrating on the many essays she had been assigned. Her current Herbology essay on Nightshade was almost three feet long. As she started proofreading a giant figure loomed over her. There weren't many people with that body frame or knew where to find her. Looking up she smiled at Goyle and motioned to the seat across from her inviting him to sit with her.

Hermione pretended to continue proofreading as she watched his mannerisms. Bringing out each book and delicately laying it on the table so not to disturb her. He then took his quill and ink out of a separate pocket in his bag and placed those on the table quietly as well. Finally, he reached in and grabbed many sheets of parchment. Each item had a place, and each item was the same distance apart. She couldn't help but wonder how much the war changed his habits or if these were habits he had always had as he was normally a messy person when it came to food.

The thought of food turned her stomach. Hermione reached into her bag and took a quick sip of water from a bottle before placing it back hoping it would settle her stomach.

Going back to proofreading, they worked quietly until Madam Pince kicked them out.

"Thank you for keeping me company Goyle," Hermione said as they exited the library.

Inclining his head in agreeance, they started walking down the corridor towards the stairs that would allow her to go up to the Gryffindor common room and him down to the dungeons. "You going to the match Saturday?"

"I am. Malfoy and Ginny both asked me to go. Obviously, I can't support Malfoy being a Slytherin and all." She replied chuckling.

"Ha, yeah. You care for him don't you?"

Hermione stopped suddenly and turned towards Goyle. "I do, as friends."

"Trying to convince yourself? Or did Malfoy tell you that you could only be friends?" Goyle asked, stopping when he realized she wasn't walking by his side anymore. Hermione look at him quizzically so he continued, "I'm just surprised. I thought he meant more to you by the way the two of you act. I've been watching how you guys interact for a couple weeks now."

"I'm not really sure how I feel Goyle, but it doesn't matter, we can't be together."

"You're right. You can't, but it didn't stop me from being with a few muggle-borns a couple years ago. Anyway, goodnight Granger. Thanks for the company."

Hermione watched him walk away wondering what he meant. As soon as he was out of sight she climbed the stairs to the portrait and whispered the password, _daring._ People in her house take less notice of her now that they've seen her every day for the last month. She had spent one whole night signing autographs after making her housemates promise not to ask her for them any further. It made coming to the common room much more enjoyable even if that had be a long night. It was well worth it in the long run.

Plopping down on a couch next to Ginny, she rested her head on her shoulder. Ginny angled the parchment in her hand so Hermione could read it.

 _Dear Ginny and Hermione,_

 _Soz it's taken a bit to get back to you. Training has been non-stop and invigorating. Much of our training could have proven useful while we were on the run.  
We'll be at The Three Broomsticks over Halloween weekend and would love to meet up with you both. We'll be staying upstairs. Can't wait to see you and catch up!  
Ginny: Good luck on your first game against Slytherin. We hope you pummel them.  
Hermione: How's the old death eater doing? Still friends?_

 _With love,_

 _Your boys._

Smiling Hermione knew it had been Harry to write the letter as Ron would most likely not be as calm. She pulled a piece of parchment out of her bag to write back.

 _Dear Harry and Ron,_

 _We're excited to see you guys over Halloween weekend! Ginny says to make sure you get two rooms. She'll also owl you the results of the first game. MALFOY is doing quite fine. I haven't seen him much this week apart from classes as he's been practicing all week, but yes, we're still friends. Maybe I'll invite him to come to Hogsmeade with us._

 _Sending our love to you,_

 _Your girls_

 _H & G_

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Saturday approached faster than she could say Quidditch. Gathering her scarf as the air had been presenting a chill as of late, she walked to the Pitch. Normally she'd bring a book but with both Ginny and Malfoy playing she knew she'd better pay attention.

Gryffindor team came zooming out and cheers could be heard all around her. Looking across the stadium she could hear the 'boos' coming from the Slytherin house. Slytherin was next to fly out onto the Pitch and the cheers faded into boos, while Slytherin cheered. Making eye contact with Malfoy, she saw him wink at her and felt the blush fill her cheeks. Luckily she was able to hide it with her scarf.

The game was immediately intense with the Slytherin beater hitting the bludger as hard as he could towards Ginny as she gained control of the Quaffle. Ritchie had barely enough time to reach the bludger before it hit her, smacking it towards Malfoy, who avoided it. Ginny scored in the meantime.

Urquhart slammed into Demelza, then quickly flew out of the way as Jimmy sent a bludger in their direction. It hit Demelza knocking her off her broom and falling several feet. There was a loud gasp from the crowd as tension filled the air waiting for her to mount her broom.

Ginny scored again before flying over to Demelza to ensure she was okay. Hermione watched her fly over to Jimmy and knew she was going to let that Weasley fire break through. Poor kid.

Vaisey scored a goal for Slytherin. Ginny shot one at the goal, but their new keeper, Graham Pritchard blocked it. Nigel Wolpert was able to get it back quickly and aimed again, scoring for Gryffindor.

Suddenly Malfoy nosedived towards the ground, the new Gryffindor seeker, Tanner Van Burm, noticed and took off behind him. The crowd was on the edge of their seats as Malfoy took the lead on his broom. Hermione wasn't sure what type of broom, just that it was significantly faster than Van Burm's, and wasn't a Firebolt.

The Chasers and Beaters were getting more violent as the race for the snitch was on. Each team trying to gain as many points as they could to win the match.

Malfoy pulled up before hitting the ground and took a sharp left turn straight towards where the Hufflepuffs were seated, his feet barely touching the stands. Van Burm was several feet behind him when Malfoy extended his arm in an attend to catch the snitch. Jimmy hit a bludger so hard in his direction the bat snapped. The bludger hit the tail of Malfoy's broom with such force it caused him to spin in numerous circles allowing Van Burm to catch up and frantically search the area. Once Malfoy had stopped spinning out of control he held his hand up. The whistle was called. The score was 180-190. Slytherin wins!

Hermione smiled but didn't cheer so not to offend her housemates. She was ecstatic for Malfoy and hoped it would help him redeem himself in the Slytherin house. She put two thumbs up when he looked in her direction sporting a smirk she remembered all too well from his younger days.

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Hermione waited in the Great Hall after the match knowing it would be a bit before Ginny joined her. The thought of food still made her stomach flip so she settled for a small amount of chicken broth.

When Ginny sat down she filled her plate, pouting at how the game ended. She was complaining of being sore and asked Hermione for a massage since Harry couldn't help her. When Malfoy walked in Hermione smiled as the Slytherin table cheered for him.

Professor McGonagall rose and congratulated Slytherin on their win, also announcing they would have a Halloween party on Halloween night. This was an attempt to make first year muggle-borns feel more at home as they were used to dressing up and trick-or-treating. However, the attire for this occasion wouldn't be costumes, it would be elegance.

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Over a week later, Hermione was back in Estella's office for their Wednesday appointment. She had snapped at Malfoy in Potions for correcting her on how to cut one of her ingredients and was already in a terrible mood when Estella had opened the door.

"How have you been this week Ms. Granger?", she asked, pen in hand ready to take notes.

"Honestly. What do you even write about? I'm not that bloody interesting." she said brusquely.

Taken aback, Estella reached her hand out an put it on Hermione's arm in a comforting manner. "Ms. Granger, are you feeling well? You look quite ashen and seem a bit irritable."

Taking a deep breath to try to collect herself, Hermione told her she just had a visit with her monthly friend and that she was fine.

"Alright then, how are things between you and Mr. Malfoy? We haven't spoken about him in a couple weeks. How's your friendship going? I know last time we spoke he told you that you guys couldn't be together, but are you faring well just as friends? Have you been able to figure out your feelings?"

"He's been distant, busy with practice, which is fine of course. I've been studying with Goyle quite a bit, though we don't talk, and I don't believe he's actually studying. More just sits there. I believe he's a bit lonely with Malfoy at practice."

"Well, being here must be quite difficult for him. What about you? How are you handling the fame of being Hermione Granger lately?"

"It's tough. I'm constantly cornered. I'm resorting to hiding at almost all times or staying in the common room to avoid people. I feel secluded. Like I'm not allowed to have a life because pesky little first through fourth years don't understand how the war affects us. Affects me."

"And how does it affect you, Hermione? The war has been over about five months now."

"It is, but every day I think of how I could have saved more people had we been quicker. Every day I think about what I could have changed that would have saved the lives of innocents. Every day I stay up and think, why did they have to die? Why did I have to live? I close my eyes at night and face my enemies. Though some are dead, it's like they're living inside me. Killing me slowly."

"Bellatrix is dead Hermione. She can never hurt you again."

"I understand that, and I believe my mind does too. But it's not just her. I see all of them. Dolohov, Greyback, Lestrange, Rowle. They all come to me. Staring at me. Some do things to me they never did. Some I duel. But in the end, I feel like I die a bit inside."

Estella asked her to start writing them in her journal and bring them to their next meeting and with that told Hermione stop taking the dreamless sleep potion. Hermione sat there trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall. Estella already had a house elf remove the potions and the ingredients from her room.

"Hermione, you need to do this. You need to overcome your fears. That's why you're here. That's why you came to me. I can help you, but first I need you to help yourself. We will do this together."

"You don't understand Estella. No one understands!"

"I do understand Ms. Granger. But you have to trust me on this. I will be here for you, as will your friends. Our time is up, but I will see you next week and if you need to see me before then, you know where I am."

Hermione got up and walked out staring at the ground letting the single tears drop from her face. She didn't see Malfoy's sneer turn to concern as he walked into Estella's office. The door slamming behind him as he yelled: "What-"

Numbly she walked around the castle, climbing stairs, walking down corridors, hugging her body, with no real destination in mind. She couldn't concentrate enough to go to the library, so she avoided it. She wasn't interested in talking, so the common room and Hagrid's were out.  
There was nowhere for her to go, nowhere she could just be free from the horrors of her past. As she got to the top of the stairs on the seventh floor, she started to sway. Her mind going around in circles. Hermione tried closing her eyes to make the spinning stop. She heard a murmur of her name through the ringing in her ears. Holding on to the wall for support, she heard the faint sound of something hitting the floor at an alarmingly fast rate. Her hand came away from the wall, as she spun deeper into the hole before all went black.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Her head was pounding. It felt like she had been stomped on by a herd of Hippogriffs. Slowly opening her eyes she saw the tops of orange and blonde conversing. Clearing her throat, the concerned faces of Ginny and Malfoy looked in her direction. She could see the fire in their eyes and half expected an ear full.

"Hermione! You're awake!" Ginny exclaimed lifting out of her chair to hug her. "Thank goodness Malfoy was there or you'd have been in a rougher state."

"I'm fine Ginny. What happened?"

Ginny looked to Malfoy, who stood out of his chair and came next to Ginny. She could still see the fire in his eyes as he spoke in a soft demanding voice.

"You tell me Granger. One minute you're snapping at me in potions, then I see you leaving Estella's crying, and when I finally find you, you faint and fall down the stairs!"

 _Well that explains the headache and sore muscles,_ she thought.

"Then Madam Pomphrey tells us you're malnourished and had to keep you in a coma for two days to pump you full of vitamins. What, pray tell, were you thinking?"

"I was thinking I wasn't hungry and I'm not going to force myself to eat just to throw it up. I've survived longer without food!"

"Malfoy, maybe thi-"

"No Weaslette! She needs to hear this! She can't do this to herself! Do you know what happens Granger? Do you know what happens when you don't give yourself the nutrients you need?"

"Obviously Malfoy! I am the brightest witch of her age!"

"Obviously not Granger! Obviously you're a twit if you think you can go weeks without food and hope your brain will be able to withstand all the work you do and countless steps you took throughout your little field trip of the castle. Do you have any idea what kind of damage you did? Why did you think it was a good idea? Tell me that."

"It's none of your bloody business Malfoy! You can go back to mummy and daddy when all of this is over. Who do I have? What parents do I have? No one! I have no one!"

"You have me, and Harry, and Ron, Hermione. You have all the Weasleys. We all love you."

"And I love you too Ginny, but, it's not the same. You have Harry. I used to have Ron until I buggered that up. But Molly will never be my mother. Arthur will never be my father. I love them dearly. But I need MY mum and dad. I need someone of MY own."

Ginny started to cry and sat on the bed to hold her. Malfoy walked away and was pacing the floor of the infirmary, his fists in his hair. He stopped and without looking at her, he asked again much more calmly. "Why did you stop eating Granger?"

Letting go of Ginny she locked her hands together and stared down at them. "It was mine to control. I had lived on barely anything during the year leading up to the final battle. Estella took away my sleep potions and all I could see was-" She broke and sobbed. Ginny grabbed her tightly and hugged until her shirt was wet. When Hermione pulled away she said, "No one understands what I've been through. The fears in my head that one of them will come and try to finish the job. No one gets it."

They sat there listening to the tears fall. When Hermione's hiccups had subsided, Madam Pomphrey announced it was almost curfew and they should best be going, other than Hermione who would spend one more night with her final bottle of dreamless sleep. Ginny left her side with a giant hug, Malfoy taking the spot she was sitting in.

Pulling Hermione's chin up to look at him he whispered, "I understand Hermione. I lived those nightmares. I witnessed things you could only have nightmares about. I watched innocents lose their lives. You will never experience that. Not while I'm alive. That's a promise. But I do understand you. I'm also here for you. I may not be your mum or dad. But I'm here. I can be the person you need."

"Why, Mr. Malfoy, it almost sounds as if you're saying you care about me." Hermione joked.

He quirked an eyebrow up and lifted the left side of his mouth into a smile. He grabbed her hands in his and began tracing lines in her palm before he said anything. Finally, he looked up at her. "I will always care for you Hermione Granger. Always."

He leaned in and she was sure he could hear the pounding of her heart. His lips grazed hers while he kept hold of her hands. Closing the distance, she felt the softness of his lips.

"I thought we were just friends Malfoy?" Hermione said with a smile when he broke away.

Keeping his lips hovered over hers so she could still feel them, and the hot air blowing between them. "I don't think I can just be friends with you Granger. You drive me crazy too much to stay away." Leaning in to kiss her again.


	11. Chapter 11 - The Journal

**My apologies for not adding anything sooner. I was struggling with inner demons that I needed to take care of first in order to put a positive influence on this story otherwise it would have gotten dark quick (and not at all where I want it to go)**

 **Thank you all for staying with me.**

Chapter info: It's a bit fluffy in some places.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter much to my dismay.

Hermione was released from the Infirmary with strict instructions that she eats and checks in weekly until further notice. Ginny had become almost unbearable with her constant badgering to eat. Malfoy was a typical Slytherin and got her to eat in a sneaky way, like feeding her chocolate covered strawberries one night after studying.

They kept their new found relationship a secret over the last couple of weeks. Hermione had received many requests to accompany her to the Halloween Ball, all of which were declined, except one. She smiled to herself at the memory.

" _Another letter asking to go to Halloween Ball. I don't even know this person, and it looks like a third year. Seriously, I'm nineteen, that's hardly appropriate." Hermione whined._

" _You're spoken for anyway." Malfoy confidently said._

" _Just because my relationship status is no longer single, doesn't mean I have a date for the Halloween Ball. As it stands, the ball was announced before my status changed, therefore, no date. Also! I am NOT a possession to be claimed Mr. Malfoy."_

" _It's ASSUMED that because we are a couple, that we are going together."_

" _Well, you know what they say about assumptions?" Hermione giggled, until looking at Malfoys lost expression, she realized it was a common muggle term and he obviously had never heard it. "Assume. Ass out of you and me."_

" _I find that quote incorrect. If you're making the assumption, wouldn't you just be the arse? Not me?" Malfoy smiled as she rolled her eyes. "Fine. Will you, Hermione Granger, brightest witch of our age, do me the honors of accompanying me, Draco Malfoy, hottest wizard of our age, to the Halloween Ball?"_

Hermione sat there with her hand on her chin thinking. "Umm. No, I don't think I will. You waited too long and I've had dozens of other requests, all who asked with less annoyance."

" _What?!" He said disbelievingly before she broke into laughter and was tickled into submission._

A large noise pulled her back to the present. Looking up from her book she saw the exhausted position her boyfriend was in on the chair. She observed him freely while he sat with his head back and eyes closed. He had showered after practice, so his usual pampered hair was messy. His long fingers intertwined together. Hermione could see the muscles of his biceps through his shirt and her mind was thinking of all the inappropriate places his strong hands could go.

"Like what you see there, Granger?" Malfoy said with one eye open as he watched her observe him. He wiggled his eyebrows as she blushed causing him to laugh. A few onlookers jumped at the sound causing him to put on his cold sneer everyone had grown accustomed to and pull his robes on. One of the many reasons Hermione preferred studying with him in the Room of Requirement. He was much more himself when they were alone. Unfortunately, because the room still refused to give him access, she had to study in the library until his practice was over.

"So." Malfoy started hesitantly. "Tomorrow's Wednesday."

"That is typically how a week goes. After Tuesday is Wednesday." She joked smirking as he did.

"Funny Granger. Have you been keeping up with your sleep journal?" He continued after she nodded. "I really wish you'd let me be there for you. Either in the room, while you sleep, or when you go over your dreams with Estella. I can be there for you. I promised you I would be that person."

Hermione couldn't look him in the eye. "I know.", and she did. She also felt she couldn't burden him with her nightmares, or constantly waking in the middle of the night to her screaming. As it was, she was surprised the whole castle didn't wake up with her screams. She was lucky to be averaging about three hours of interrupted sleep a night. So far the glamor charms had been working in her favor. No one could see the bags under her eyes. "I just need to do this for me."

"Want."

"Pardon?"

"You don't NEED to do it for you, Granger. You WANT to. You hate burdening people with your problems. Except I am your boyfriend. I am part of the reason those nightmares exist. I have been offering to help you for two weeks and even before you came out of the infirmary I told you I'd be there for you. Granger, I WANT to be there for you. Those glamor charms only work so well."

Hermione sunk her head. There was nothing she could say to him that would make him feel better. He was right, of course, not that she'd tell him that. It was her desire to control the situation again. She couldn't control what she'd dreamed and many of her nightmares included his aunt. Whether he hated her or not, she was still his family.

"I'll consider it."

Sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room listening to the chatter, Hermione waited for Ginny. She needed a girls opinion on the matter. When Ginny came through the portrait, Hermione jumped up grabbing her arm and rushing her upstairs.

"Slow down! Slow down!"

"I'm sorry. I just really need your opinion." Sitting on her bed and patting the spot next to her for Ginny, she told her about her and Malfoy's discussion in the library. "Honestly, what do I do?"

"Well, Hermione we've been telling you this entire time, you need one of us. You're still looking ill, and I'd hate to see you in the Infirmary again when you could avoid it."

Exasperated, she fell backward on the bed. Ginny followed suit and linked hands with hers. They laid there staring up at the upholstery for what seemed like hours until their stomachs were rumbling with hunger.

When they entered the Great Hall, Hermione locked eyes with Malfoy, but instead of receiving the wink and smirk he usually greeted her with, he nodded and looked away. With a sigh, she sat and picked at her food. Trying to get more than a few bites down. Eventually, she just gave up. She bid Ginny adieu, stood up and locked eyes with Malfoy again and nodding towards the door.

Reaching the sixth floor, in hopes he had followed her, she worked on the path to make the door appear. This time her thoughts weren't of the room her and Malfoy constantly shared, but on a place where they could sleep comfortably, that would help her with her nightmares. As she finished walking, Malfoy came around the corner. She opened the door and inhaled deeply. The faint smell of lavender and vanilla incense.

"What is this?" Malfoy asked as he followed Hermione in.

"This is my dream, well nightmare, room. After you leave, I create a restful area, in hopes of keeping the nightmares away. Estella told me to set the mood. So I spell candles like the Great Hall, have relaxing incense going and a nice warm fire."

"So why are there two beds?" Eyeing her as if he already knew the answer, but wanted to hear it anyway.

"Because you and Ginny both say I'm looking ill again. I know my eating has decreased over the last few days, and you said you'd be there for me. So I'm trying to let you in. I'm trusting you not to run away Malfoy."

Malfoy nodded and in three quick steps was right up against her with his arms wrapped around her waist. "I don't plan on running anywhere. I told you earlier, I'm partly to blame. I want to help you." He leaned down and pressed his firm lips against hers. Slowly Hermione lifted her arms to wrap around his neck. Malfoy slid his tongue slowly across her bottom lip, silently begging for entrance, to which she obliged. He deepened the kiss as he pulled her closer to him. Malfoy's hands roamed up and down her back in a soothing way before they had to pull apart to breathe.

"So, you're supposed to be relaxing you say? How about a massage then." Malfoy asked conjuring a bottle of vanilla scented massage oil. "Lay on your stomach and lift your shirt as high as you can."

"I could just take it off if that's easier?" Hermione replied blushing. As Malfoy's eyes widened, Hermione smirked and turned around facing the bed. She took her shirt off and laid down. Clearing his throat she heard Malfoy's movements as he came to stand next to her. "You can straddle me if that's easier?"

"Merlin Granger," Malfoy said. Hermione smiled into the mattress. "I really don't think that's a good idea. This is supposed to be relaxing for you, so quiet down." He poured the massage oil into one hand, cast a warming spell then started massaging her back. "Mind if I unhook this?" Hermione shook her head. She heard him gulp and tried not to laugh as he unhooked her bra.

After a few minutes, she decided she'd have a bit of fun of her own. "Would you like me to turn over now?"

"NO! I mean. Um. No, these knots are pretty bad. You need to stay on your stomach."

Giggling, Hermione grabbed the sheet and flipped over facing a very red Malfoy. "Come here." She said pulling him into a kiss. "You're cute when you're nervous."

"I'm not nervous!" He retorted rolling his eyes. "What else do you do to relax?"

"Sometimes, I take a bubble bath." Laughing as Malfoy groaned.

"Granger. You do realize I am an eighteen-year-old male sitting next to a half-naked woman and you are essentially torturing the shite out of me right now."

Hermione laughed as she stood up with the sheet around her and grabbed her clothes. Walking into the bathroom, she brushed her teeth and redressed before going back into the main room. Standing in the doorway she admired him for a moment. There he laid on one of the beds with his arm over his face. The bulge in his pants prominent but wavering. Whatever he was thinking about was helping him contain himself. Her mind went to the fights they had and what type of future they had to come. Hermione's stomach knotted as she thought about telling the rest of their, well her friends, and his parents. Ron's reaction would be as expected. A nightmare. Harry would most likely be angry, threaten him, and he'd watch him like a hawk. A typical brother reaction.

"You're staring," Malfoy affirmed, pulling her from her mind.

"I am." Forcing her feet to walk away from the doorframe and sit on the other bed, she inhaled deeply. She could do this. "Are you sure you want to be here?"

"I do."

"I'm going to scream."

"I've been there when you have."

"I may be violent."

"I will forgive you."

"Alright then." Taking another deep breath, she cast a silencing charm on the door and walls to ensure no one else heard. "Ok. Here we go then. Goodnight Malfoy." Turning off the light, she tucked herself in closing her eyes to the sound of his voice whispering goodnight.

 _She was knocked backward off her feet. She couldn't see Neville or Harry anymore as she smashed into a bookcase as was promptly deluged in a cascade of heavy books._

 _Pushing the books away from her as fast as she could she heard someone yell "WE'VE GOT HIM! IN AN OFFICE OFF-"_

Jumping out she cried, "Silencio!", and the man's voice, who she recognized to be Dolohov, extinguished. A moment of relief flooded her as she watched him continue to try to speak. He was no sooner thrust to the side by another Death Eater who had heard him.

" _Petrificus Totalus!" shouted Harry as the second Death Eater raised his wand at them._

Impressed by the celerity of the spell, she took a breath. "Well done Ha-", she started, but as soon as the words were coming out she felt a severe amount of pain. Looking down she saw what looked like a streak of a purple flame slash across her chest. "Oh…" Everything went black.

 _She woke up screaming in the hospital wing. The pain was so severe she couldn't catch her breath. She wanted to vomit. She wanted to cut herself in half. She wanted to pain to stop. Opening her eyes abruptly, she took a deep breath as Dolohov came into sight. She started screaming more and started punching. Hermione didn't know where her wand was, but the last person she knew he'd kill her if she didn't fight._

" _Ms. Granger! Ms. Granger! Calm down! It's me! Madam Pince!"_

Squeezing her eyes shut, then open again she looked down and saw a gash three inches thick, covered in soaking bandages. Fighting the urge not to vomit, her own body defied her and everything went black once more. This time filled with images of Dolohov's wandless spell claiming her body. Slicing her open. He laughed at her as another Death Eater lifted her silencing spell. He walked over to her and grabbed her throat, lifting her off the ground.

" _I can't wait to slice you up like a piece of raw meat mudblood."_

" _No! Let me go!" She struggled against him trying to breathe as his grip tightened on her._

" _Granger! Granger!" She heard someone calling for her in the distance. "Granger!" She had to fight. Someone needed her. "Wake up Hermione! Wake up!"_

Her eyes shot open looking straight into the eyes of Malfoy, whose face was covered in blood. She was inhaling as fast as she could, breathing rapidly. Hermione's hand came to her throat, focusing on the grey eyes that locked with hers until her breathing came naturally.

"That's right Granger, breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Good. In. Out. Have some water." Malfoy coached.

She sat up and grabbed the glass of water and drank it as if she'd never had water before. Her hand still on her throat. She could swear she could feel Dolohov's hand around her throat. But it had never happened. It was like her mind wanted her to see what could have happened. Her imagination was frightening.

Hermione placed the water down and lowered her head and started to cry. Her nightmare felt so real. She then placed her free hand on her ribs where the slash across her stomach was. Malfoy wrapped his arms around her and pulled her flush against his body.

"Shh. I've got you. I'm here." Malfoy said as he rocked her back and forth for a few minutes. "Tell me what the nightmare was about."

"Dolohov," Hermione whispered through broken sobs before shuddering.

"Dolohov was the one at the department of mysteries right in fifth year right?" Hermione leaned back and looked up at him with curiosity. "I heard you screaming in the hospital wing. Dolohov got a lot of praise for that."

"I'm sure he did." She winced at the hoarseness of her voice and cleared it. "It still hurts to this day, but is bearable. My nightmares though. They show me what happened and then things that didn't happen. Like, it's true he cut across my body with a spell I still know nothing about. I still have an ugly scar that I'm unsure will ever fade, but in my nightmare, he grabbed me by the throat and was going to kill me. After he had used his spell, I passed out. I only remember what Harry told me, and those awful potions. I was taking ten different ones you know? They each contradicted each other too. It was bloody awful."

Malfoy chuckled at her look of disgust. Reaching into the table of the nightstand he pulled out a book. "You'd better write all of that down for Estella. She'll want to hear about it."

Removing herself from Malfoy's lap, she walked over to the desk and started writing. Once she had written every detail she turned back to look at Malfoy who had been watching her the entire time and realized his face was still covered in blood.

"Oh! Malfoy! I should have taken care of this right away! What was I thinking?"

"Relax Granger, you just got me nose while I was trying to calm your thrashing. Nothing a Scourgify and a healing spell can't take care of. Mind?"

"Of course not." She replied and cast the appropriate spells to clean and heal his face. "What time is it?"

"A little past two in the morning. Why don't you come have a lie down with me and tell me a story about your childhood? Something positive to go to sleep to."

She smiled. This Malfoy was completely different that years past. The influence of a madman certainly can turn you into a monster. Hermione wasn't sure who was more of the monster in his life. Voldemort or Lucius. She climbed into the same bed Malfoy was lounging in and curled under his arm. She recalled a story from her childhood that had the two of them in tears from laughing before sleep claimed them.  
_

Hermione stood in front of Estella's door. She took a deep breath before reaching for the handle. _You can do it._ She coached herself. _Don't be such a coward. They're just nightmares._ Turning the handle, she pushed. Seated behind a desk on the far side of the room sat Estella.

"Good afternoon Ms. Granger. Will Mr. Malfoy be joining us this week?" She asked as she stood with her pad of paper and sat down in the more comfortable chairs.

Hermione clutched her notebook. "No, I've asked him not to this week. He doesn't know the depth of my nightmares yet and I'd like to open little by little if that's alright?"

"Ms. Granger. You are under no obligation to tell Mr. Malfoy or Ms. Weasley of your nightmares. I simply said as a healing process, it might help to let them in. Would you mind if I read through your sleep journal, or would you prefer to talk to me about it?"

Hermione thought for a few minutes, biting her bottom lip as she tried to think.

"Ms. Granger, I will remind you, you don't have to let me read about your nightmares, but I am here to help you control them, so I would prefer to either read them or have you tell me what they're about. I'm sure as studious of a student you are, they are fully detailed."

"I believe my mind is playing tricks on me, Estella. I'm having nightmares of things that didn't actually happen." Hermione said as she started to tear up. Attempting to hold back the tears, she told Estella about her nightmares that week. By the last entry, the one with Dolohov, she was crying bottomless tears.

"My, my. What a rollercoaster of emotions. While we haven't gotten to the bottom of the nightmares themselves, I believe, given some information, you may be able to draw the conclusion of why your dreams are so dramatic. Nightmares are a combination of memories, information you've recently been exposed to, and finally, visual representations of your emotions."

"I'm not understanding?"

"When you have a nightmare you dream of a combination of things that actually happened, such as being marked, whether your arm or torso. Then we have recent information we were exposed to and visual representations of our emotions. So if I'm feeling overwhelmed, my dream would reflect that - "

" - And if I'm feeling like I'm being suffocated, my nightmares would reflect that." Hermione interrupted understanding the concept.

"Precisely. Have you been feeling that way as of late?"

"Well yes. Ginny and Malfoy are constantly hovering. Checking if I'm eating, checking if I've written in my sleep journal. It's ridiculous! As if a nineteen-year-old woman couldn't take care of herself!"

"I'm sure they know you can. Everyone is striving for consistency and control right now, just as you are. You're their constant dear."

The rest of the session talked about writing her emotions down, even if that included writing a letter to her boyfriend or best friend. She would need to speak with them about their need to control her life as it was causing more problems for her. She waited in the library as they were both at practice. Goyle joined her, as he did on most nights when Malfoy and Ginny were practicing. Finishing her final essay for Professor Flitwick she glanced at Goyle as he wrote line after line, crossing each of them out and murmuring to himself. Clearing her throat, Hermione got his attention. He stared at her with wide eyes as if being caught stealing cookies out of the cookie jar.

"Evening Goyle. Would you like help with something? You see rather flustered by it?"

"Uh-um-well-see-um." Goyle took a deep breath. "IwanttoaskGinnytogototheballwithme."

"Pardon?"

Exhaling, Goyle looked around and brought his voice to a whisper. "I want to ask Ginny to go to the ball with me. You're going with Malfoy and she's obviously taken by the chosen one, so I figured we could go together, strictly platonically of course. Though I'm not sure how to go about asking her."

"Seems like you just did."

Goyle stared wide-eyed at Hermione, who was looking behind his head with a big smile on her face. Malfoy sat next to Goyle while Ginny sat across from him.

"I mean it makes sense. I've declined all the other offers thus far. You going to ask properly or should I consider that the request?"

Flushing red, Goyle looked down at the parchment in front of him with the many scratches. Clearing his throat, he looked back up to Ginny. "Would you care to go to the Halloween Ball with me, strictly as friends, due to the current position we find ourselves in?"

Ginny and Hermione started giggling while Ginny shook her head. Malfoy was hiding behind his hand trying to support his only Slytherin friend at the moment.

Hermione was the first to recover. "Well, now that that's settled. Ginevra Molly Weasley and Draco Lucius Malfoy, I have a bone to pick with the both of you." She saw them visibly gulp and smirked knowingly. No one wanted to be on her bad side, especially when she used your full name. "About this hovering business…"


	12. Chapter 12 - Halloween

**Chapter 12**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own anything, Harry Potter.**

 **AN: I'm glad to have an update in a months time from my last post. I have been working extra hours, but with it being spring break I was able to get this out. I'm hoping to have chapter 13 done by the end of the week so I can post that next week as well. Second AN: So it was actually supposed to be up on Tuesday...but the ENTIRE chapter was deleted in my doc. Fun fact... thank goodness for Google Docs. I just found out you can restore previous versions.**

Where do you start when you're thoroughly annoyed at two of the people who are constantly trying to be there for you. People you care for. Actually, maybe that would be a good place to start. She knew Ginny and Malfoy were just trying to "protect" her. Not that she needed the protection. But she could understand it from a friendship point of view. She would be the same way if roles were reversed.

"About this hovering business. I understand you both care for me, but this is getting beyond ridiculous. There is no reason that you need to constantly watch me. I know I scared you and I am trying to get better, but it's not going to be overnight. Can you honestly tell me you haven't had a scare or two?"

Hermione watched Malfoy's eyes first looking for any sort of sign of emotion. Anywhere for him to put his guard down. She knew it'd be quick compared to Ginny, and she wasn't wrong. A second of vulnerability and it was gone in a flash. She then looked over to Ginny who had a look of… well, actually that look was a little peculiar. It wasn't guilt, but more like apprehension. Hermione cocked her head and narrowed her eyes at Ginny to start talking.

"Well honestly Hermione, no, not really. I've had nightmares. Plenty of those. Maybe in my first year after I tried to get rid of the book, but otherwise I've been happy to be alive. I haven't dealt with what you, Harry or Ron have had to go through. Even last year. Yes, it was awful, but nothing compared to what you went through at Malfoy's house."

Hermione and Ginny both saw Malfoy flinch at this. Ginny turned her body towards him as she continued. "I'm sorry Malfoy, but it's the truth and a big part of why she is the way she is today. I'm not blaming you at all for it, but the truth of the matter is, I didn't have to deal with what any of you put up with. Malfoy, he was in your house, burned your arm, threatened you constantly and you were only sixteen. Though you didn't have it as bad Goyle, you still had to live with that kind of threat. I was scared every day, but not for myself. I was scared that Harry, Ron, and Hermione wouldn't come home. I was scared we would lose, or that we'd lose more than just Fred, but I never had to endure the pain you all went through on a daily basis. So to answer your question, Hermione, no. I haven't, but there are days I wish I could have taken your place to relieve some of the burdens you're feeling."

Hermione was trying not to let the tears building in her eyes fall but as Ginny finished they flooded out as she reached across to grab her best friend and pull her in close. No, Ginny wouldn't understand, but she would always be there.

Malfoy and Goyle both shifted uncomfortably as the girls cried together. Surrounding tables had started to stare before Malfoy cleared his throat.

"Oh, Ginny." Hermione sighed pulling away and wiping her eyes. "You mean so much to me and I appreciate you being there for me, I just need you guys to back up a bit."

Both of them nodded their heads and opened their books to start the days work.

*************************************************************************************************************

Hermione and Malfoy sat curled up together on the couch in the Room of Requirement later that night. Biting her lip she didn't know if she should ask Malfoy what had been bothering her since the library. Her inner monologue of when or if she should talk to him was starting to question the Sorting Hats decision to place her Gryffindor.

"What is it, Granger? You've been biting your lip all day. Is it bleeding yet?"

She chuckled and lightly smacked his chest. Sitting up Hermione looked him over. His head was leaning back on the couch with his eyes closed.

"How could you even tell I was biting my lip while your eyes are closed?"

Looking at her, he raised an eyebrow as if to say it was rather obvious. "Your jaw was against my side. Everytime you bite your lip I can feel your jaw move." Hermione blushed. It really was as obvious as it sounded. "So what is it?"

"Well. You didn't answer me earlier before Ginny. If you've ever had a scare or two. I saw your eyes."

Malfoy lifted his head and stared into her eyes for what felt like an eternity. He then pulled his arm from around her and leaned forward digging his fingers into his hair. "It's not that simple."

"And mine is? Malfoy, look where we are. There is incense burning in a room more don't know about so I can relax and try not to have nightmares anymore. I hardly think anything about what the war has done to us is simple. But I would like to be there as you are for me. It is only fair after all."

"Granger." He sighed. "Granger, my life was pure and evil. It still is sometimes. There are things, that if I ever told you, I'd fear you'd have nightmares worse than Bellatrix in your dreams."

"Well, then how can I be here for you?"

"I'm not sure right now Granger. Right now I feel happy. I know that's a lot to do with you. The nightmares I fear won't go away for a long time, but if you saw the things I did; well it's not a wonder why the Longbottoms are still in St. Mungo's."

Not knowing what to say, Hermione just rubbed circles on his back. Her mind started to think about all the dreadful things Malfoy could have seen. Bellatrix was unforgivable. Dolohov was a nightmare. Greyback was a monster, in the most literal sense. She knew the need for knowledge was growing. She felt it like a bubble inside her that was going to burst. It was going to be gruesome and dangerous, but a clear look into the world Draco Malfoy lived. Hermione turned her chin to look at him.

"Malfoy? Could I read your journal?"

Rolling his eyes at her. He reached for his satchel and pulled the journal out. "You know the rules of the book Granger. Don't be prying for details if you can't see them. Baby steps. And not tonight."

Hermione accepted the journal and placed it in her bag on the couch. He was right. Not tonight. For now, it was time for bed. For now it was time to hope the nightmares wouldn't come. They did of course, but she didn't dream of Bellatrix or Dolohov, or their run. No, she dreamt of the unimaginable circumstances that Malfoy could have experienced and her heart ached. When he woke her she launched her arms around his neck and wouldn't let go. She wanted to help him. She didn't know what caused his nightmares, but she wanted to help him as much as she wanted to help herself.

 *************************************************************************************************************  
** The last two weeks were a blur. Hermione kept herself so busy that by the end of the night she was so exhausted she couldn't have nightmares. While this was a temporary fix, it was working for her at the moment.

The Halloween Ball was here! Hermione and Ginny were meeting Harry and Ron in Hogsmeade to pick up their dresses and get some lunch. They hadn't heard much from the boys all month and Ginny was driving Hermione a bit crazy.

Before she could get barely a hello out to Harry, Ginny had run right into his arms and they were kissing passionately. Ron and Hermione stood awkwardly by for a moment before starting the walk towards the Three Broomsticks. Ron offered her his arm, which she took.

"Lovely to see you again Hermione. Still with the ferret?"

Glaring at Ron, "MALFOY, is doing well. Thank you for asking."

Ron stopped in the middle of the street and turned to her with a confused expression. "Hermione, if you're dating, why is he still Malfoy?"

Slightly taken aback, she realized that she was still Granger, and he was still Malfoy, and it was her most unobservant friend who had pointed this out. When Ron snapped his fingers, she snapped out of her daze. "To be honest Ron, I'm not sure. Seven years of constant bickering I guess?"

Ron looked satisfied with that answer and turned to continue walking. They had gotten a table and ordered a round before Harry and Ginny had arrived. They spent all of lunch talking about what was going on in their lives.

"I'm still not so sure I'm comfortable with you going with Goyle, Ginny."

Twirling her wand with a hint of frustration, she raised her eyebrow as if for him to test her. "And why not Harry? He is probably the best one to go with. First and foremost, he's Malfoy's best friend. Second, no one wants to get close to him. Third, he's very large. Fou-"

"Ok! Ok Ginny! You've made your point clear. I'm not forbidding it, I'm making you aware of my dislike for the situation."

Hermione and Ginny rolled their eyes as Harry paid the bartender for their drinks. They walked to the dress shop and tried their dresses on to be sure they fit. As they came out of the dressing rooms they looked at each other and smiled, going to show Harry and Ron. Both of whom were speechless.

Once they returned, Ron, whose face was matching the color of his hair, said, "Wow Hermione. You sure you should be wearing something like that?"

"Ronald. If you ruin this for me like you did the Yule ball, so help me I will curse you and never let you know the counter!"

Taking a step back with his hands in the air, he gave Ginny a hug and whispered something in her ear which had her laughing before he came back to Hermione to say goodbye. He knew Harry and Ginny's goodbye would take a while.

Whispering, Ron looked around before pulling something out of his pocket. "Right, so Hermione, I didn't want to worry Ginny, but I received this letter today. Could you look into it back at Hogwarts? This is a copy. It could be a prank, but in today's world, one can never be too careful. Keep it to yourself. If you find that you can trust Ginny and the ferret to help you, please do."  
Giving her a kiss on the cheek and another hug, he grabbed Harry to apparate away.

 ****

"Ginny!" Hermione called from their shared bathroom. "Could you help me fix my hair?"

"You're utterly hopeless Hermione. You better hope to marry a rich boy who will let you get your hair professionally done every day."

"Or I could just call my best friend and request her help."

"You're never going to learn that way you know."

"Yes, mum," Hermione said giggling as Ginny started her hair.

"Viola! Now time for makeup!" Ginny giggled.

As Hermione had her eyes closed she summoned up the courage to talk to Ginny about what Ron had brought up when they first got to Hogsmeade.

"Ginny, do you think it's odd that Malfoy and I still refer to each other in the surname?"

"Well, I mean, chin up, it is slightly weird, but, flutter your lashes, hold on. Ok, close them. But Hermione, you and Malfoy had years of, open your mouth, animosity that less than two months, pucker please, perfect, aren't going to change. You know? Ah ah! No peeking until the dress is on! Does it feel odd to call him Draco?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest. Only one way to find out." She slipped on her dress and stood in the full-length mirror next to Ginny and gasped as herself.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Ready as I'll ever be. How do I look?"

"Drop. Dead. Gorgeous. If that doesn't knock the socks off his pure blooded arse, I don't know what will."

Hermione smiled as she stared at their reflections. Ginny was in a red, full length, form-fitting dress with a slit up the side to show a little leg. The neck line came into a narrow halter and there was a glittering shimmer all over her dress, while her hair stayed down with small light green flowers in her hair. She slightly resembled Jessica Rabbit, not that Ginny knew who that was.

Then she looked at herself. Ginny's hand at hair and makeup was always much more advanced from what she could do. Her hair was mostly pulled back into a loose bun while her curls cascaded and framed her face. Her make up was comprised of natural tones and enhanced her skin rather than make her out to be some trollop. Hermione looked down her at her dress and smiled wide. She was in a long sleeveless A-line black dress with sequins that shimmered on the bodice before draping out. The neck was sweetheart style curving into a low back. Hermione made sure to use a sticking spell to ensure no slips tonight. A cushioning spell accompanied her 3-inch hunter green heels that she accented with sequins to match her dress. She added a matching green shawl to cover her shoulders.

Together they walked out down the stairs, and out of the common to meet their dates for the evening, unbeknownst to the looks of wonder they were receiving as they went on their way.

Hermione took a deep breath as they reached the top of the stairs leading into the Great Hall. Ginny was practically bouncing with glee at her arm. Looking down she saw Malfoy and Goyle who hadn't noticed them yet. Holding her head up high she started the long and grueling walk down, telling herself not to fall.

She focused solely on Malfoy and keeping her eyes on the back of his head until he turned. Hermione watched his eyebrows shoot into his hairline as his eyes got wide and let his jaw lax so his mouth was slightly open. Smiling, she was locked into his eyes as she continued her descent until she reached the bottom.

"Granger." Malfoy bowed as he took her hand, helping her down the last few steps. "You're looking rather exquisite this evening."

"Draco," Hermione replied. "You look rather dashing yourself." She nodded towards him. He was wearing a black suit with a matching undershirt to her shawl and heels.

"Why thank you. Hermione. Shall we?" Draco asked as he offered his elbow for her to take.

They entered the Great Hall and it was set up similar to a how a muggle would prepare Halloween. There were cobwebs everywhere, beverages in cauldrons, a wide variety of Halloween delights, and the ceiling was enchanted with Jack-O-Lanterns.

"The place looks great huh?" Ginny asked as she came up beside her. "I've had the prefects decorating all day!"

"This is very, um, homelike," Hermione replied with a giggle.

Draco and Goyle escorted their dates to their designated table after they grabbed some food. They could hear whispering surrounding them and Hermione was able to catch part of what some were saying as they finished eating.

"Draco? Would you care to dance? There seems to be some speculation as to why we came together." Hermione asked louder than necessary.

"Ah, because obviously, an ex-death eater couldn't possibly be dating the brightest witch of her age, could he?" Draco replied just as loud.

"Obviously not. That'd be barbaric."

Laughing as they strode out to the dance floor, a slow song came on. Hermione lifted her arms around Draco's neck as his hands came around her waist. First, they swayed to the music looking into each other's eyes, but soon they found themselves close, with Hermione's head on his shoulder in a hug that barely moved. When the song ended, Draco leaned forward and gave Hermione a chaste kiss on the lips before grabbing her hand and leading her back to the table.

It would have been a sweet moment if Trev hadn't come to ruin it.

"Still with that Death Eater I see. I thought I told you to steer clear. Now you're dating?" He scoffed with disgust. "It's not right Hermione and you know it! Their people are the wrong people." Trev spat in Draco's direction.

Before Hermione or Draco could do anything, Ginny stood, wand drawn, and unleashed her Bat-Bogey Hex.

"Not even ten minutes and we've already had to pull the wands out." Hermione sighed as they watched Trev run away cursing.

"We didn't expect anything different, and that bloody toerag feels it necessary to but in where he doesn't belong." Draco shot out. "Let's just have a drink and dance shall we?"

"Of course. Ginny, thank you for the hex."

"Anytime. I'd like him to come back so I could do it again," she replied laughing evilly.

Goyles eyes widened, "Remind me never to get on your bad side."

"You were there once, and you survived," Ginny said with a smile as she dragged him to the dance floor with Hermione and Draco.

The rest of the ball went off without any more disturbances. Ginny and Hermione danced the whole night with Luna. Draco, Goyle, and Neville cut in when the slower songs played. As the night was drawing to a close, Draco took Hermione's hand and spun her into a dip. He looked deep into her eyes and placed a lingering kiss on her lips.

"Did I tell you how beautiful you are tonight?" He whispered in her ear as he brought her back up.

"You did. Many times. Thank you, Draco."

"What's with the first name all of a sudden?"

"Why not? Shouldn't I call my boyfriend by his given name?"

Draco smirked as he twirled her around, grabbing her hand and walking her out of the Great Hall to say goodnight properly.

 ****************************************************************************************************************

Hermione and Ginny dragged their feet up the stairs tirelessly both moaning as their removed their shoes and hair. Getting into comfy pajamas they gossiped about the better part of their night before Hermione remembered the envelope Ron had given her earlier.

Opening it she gasped loudly and looked at Ginny with wide eyes. Ginny ran to her bed, looked over her shoulder and gasped as well.

"To my loving Ron,

I long to see you. This disease is taking over me and I can't return to a normal life, nor can I continue living this one. Each day is a reminder or what was taken from me and each day I regret not seeing you. You were the fire in my heart for so long, I only hope you grieved for me and loved me the way I love you. I was hoping you could show this letter to Hermione and ask for her help in finding me a cure so I could come back to you.

Forever yours."

"Is that-" Ginny started.

"I believe so. Lavender Brown is alive."


	13. Chapter 13 - Start of a Journey

**A/N Happy New Year! No seriously... sorry it's been terribly long. I had severe writers block on this story but that's ok, I'm back to writing it! (With other stories almost finished and soon to be ready for publishing.) So i figured why not a New Year surprise! Enjoy!**

Hermione laid in bed, clutching the letter to her chest, pondering. She's known about Lavender for a while. The howls heard in the night is most likely her. Hermione had an endless string of questions circling in her head. _To find a cure, though? How could there possibly be a cure? What kind of cure is she looking for? In what state is Lavender? Is she a full-blown wolf? Is she like Professor Lupin? Dear Remus, how I miss him terribly. What would Ron say if I told him I knew her to be alive? Just one year. One year without the possibility of death is all I was asking. Is that so much to ask for?_

Sighing loudly to herself, Hermione closed her eyes wishing her brain would just shut down momentarily. When that failed, she sat up and started to do what she did best; make a list and prioritize.

1\. Research.

2\. Find Lavender Brown.  
3\. Determine condition Lavender Brown is in.  
4\. Don't get eaten.  
5\. Don't do what you did in third year and act like a werewolf.  
6\. Do research to determine if such a cure can be made.  
7\. Obtain ingredients. Most likely harmful and dangerous.  
8\. Don't die doing it.  
9\. Make a cure.

 _That should just about do it._ Giving gentle reminders to herself not to do idiotic things included. She'd need the assistance of Harry and Ron outside Hogwarts and Ginny and Draco inside Hogwarts to accomplish this seemingly impossible task.

Swinging her legs over her four-poster bed, she got changed, grabbed the letter and parchment and set off for the Room of Requirement.

Ginny was already sitting on the couch reading a book when she entered. Quickly glancing up, she smiled at Hermione and kept reading. Hermione walked over, slumped on the couch and leaned up against her.

"So have you decided what you're going to do yet?" Ginny inquired.

"Yeah. I'm going to seek out Lavender. I'll need your help though."

"Of course. Whatever you need."

They waited a short time before Hermione left and came back with Draco and Goyle in tow. The butterflies swarmed around in her stomach as Draco smiled and pecked her cheek before reclining in an armchair across from Hermione. This was what she was hoping this year would be. A nice, quiet year, as a normal teenager. No such luck as a witch and one-third of the golden trio.

"So, Draco." Hermione started, noticing the way his eyes lit up when she said his name. "Ron gave me a letter while we were in Hogsmeade that I hadn't read until after the ball last night. I'm hoping you'll help me."

"If I'm able," Draco replied, accepting the letter from Hermione to read. She watched his facial features as he read. Finally, his eyes widened as he looked back at her. "You don't suppose it's…"

"That's exactly who I believe it to be. Lavender Brown is still very much alive."

"Bloody hell!" Goyle shouted startling everyone. "Why are you all not as surprised as I am?"

"Goyle, we've known for quite a while, but we didn't know her whereabouts or what had come of her. Now she's seeking me out to help find a cure for her. Except we don't know the state of her condition or where exactly she's located."

"Well, when was the full moon in May?" He asked pulling out his calendar.

"The eleventh of May," Hermione replied.

"And the battle was the second." Goyle said with a shudder.

"Which could only mean she's not a full werewolf. Bill isn't." Ginny stated.

"I'd think not for the same reason. But the words in her letter throw that off for me a bit. ' _This disease is taking over me and I can't return to a normal life, nor can I continue living this one.'._ Lycanthropy isn't a disease."

"Maybe not to you Hermione, but for someone like myself, I'd surely think it as a disease."

"Yes, well, we can't all have the riches of a Malfoy, now can we Draco," Hermione said teasingly resisting the urge to stick out her tongue.

"No, thank goodness. I need someone to spend my galleons on." He said winking.

Before Hermione could retort, Ginny interrupted with gagging noises. "You two make me nauseous. Back to the plan Hermione. We all know you have a list. What's first then?"

Hermione sat in the library reading different books on werewolves. After many hours, her mind had started to wander. Taking a break, she remembered she had Draco's journal. Not knowing what to expect she took a deep breath and flipped it open to the first page.

 _Why does Granger get under my skin?_

 _Why does Granger annoy me?_

 _How does Granger make me feel?_ _Angry_

 _What makes Granger so special?_

Hermione felt those butterflies again. This was his first entry. _What makes Granger so special?_ She laughed to herself when she saw the angry bit. How typical of Malfoy. She tried to guess when this was written assuming it was around one of their meetings over the summer. The second page, however, was longer.

 _Of bloody course I had another nightmare. My trip to Diagon Alley earlier was nothing short of eventful and I knew before I even hit the pillow I was going to have a nightmare. The Weasel couldn't hold his bloody liquor and was all over Granger. Throwing himself at her and not taking no for an answer. As much as the witch is an insufferable know it all who infuriates the bloody hell out of me, no one deserves that treatment. It makes me sick in more ways than one to think of what he could have done to her had I not been there. He better be bloody thankful I was there to stop him from doing something he'd regret for the rest of his life.  
I can't even walk past a girl screaming without wanting to vomit._

Hermione stopped to take another deep breath. She remembered this night; Ron being completely pissed. She remembered how Draco had helped her and knew then there had to be a reason other than what he had said. Now it would be confirmed. Her stomach turned with uneasiness as she was sure she was about to find out why.

 _Granger's screams ring in my head constantly. Her cries of distress today only made matters worse for me. I wish that mudblood would stop making appearances in my life. It'd make forgetting her screams much easier to deal with._

 _Tonight I dreamt of the Death Eaters favorite past time; who can make a mudblood scream the loudest. It's vile. It's sick and it's something I had to witness time and time again._

The rest was blank, Hermione blinked the tears back from her eyes and turned the page. When she saw writing halfway down the next page she realized whatever was written was something he didn't want her to see. Frustrated, she stomped her foot. She didn't know if she really wanted to read what happened, but having the decision taken away from her didn't make her happy either. She'd have to ask Draco why after everything they'd gone through, he felt he had to hide this. The war impacted everyone.

The next week passed by in a blur. The full moon was that Wednesday and with the uncertainty of the condition Lavender was in, they thought best to wait until the weekend to start investigating. With Fleur helping them, Hermione, Ginny, Draco, and Goyle all walked into the Forbidden Forest in an attempt to find Lavender, carefully avoiding certain areas not to disturb the centaurs.

"Do we have any clues of where she'd be? We've been walking for hours!"

"Will your father hear about this Malfoy?"

"Shut up Goyle."

Hermione and Ginny were laughing as Draco and Goyle continued their spat. After Hermione had finally caught her breath enough, she answered, "Unfortunately no Draco. We only have the general direction we've heard her howling from."

"If that was even her."

Hermione stopped to think about that. What if it wasn't her, but someone else that Fenrir infected that day. The scariest part about all of this was the unknown. Unknown on the state Lavender was in, unknown of where she was and unknown of their future. She would figure out the ladder later though. She had to concentrate, track and locate the girl she once despised in hopes of keeping her alive.

As the sun began to set and they were nowhere close to finding Lavender, they set their tents up and gathered wood for a fire. The memories of camping with Ron and Harry were at the front of her mind. Sitting on a log, Hermione held her knees close feeling the fire touch her face. She wanted to put her protective charms up but knew Lavender needed every opportunity to find them as well. Sleeping also made her nervous. Her nightmares were still plaguing her. The thought of screaming in a quiet forest made a shiver run up her spine. She would need Ginny to put a silencing charm on her and hope for the best.

Draco saw how sullen she had become as the moon settled high in the sky. Coming over to her he wrapped his arm around her body and pulled her close into his side, kissing her temple. After Ginny and Goyle went into their respective tents Draco spoke.

"You're going to need your sleep if you plan on being useful tomorrow." He whispered into her hair. Hermione nodded. "Would you like me to cast a silent on you?" She nodded once more. "Seems you're doing a splendid job on your own."

Hermione laughed and swatted his knee. "I'm worried if I scream, I'll wake the forest."

Nodding, Draco understood. "If you scream, Lavender might find us."

"Not necessarily, she's never heard me scream before." Hermione laughed lightly.

Draco looked at the ground. Noticing the sudden change Hermione reached out and took his hand.

"No. But I have. They're in my nightmares almost every night Hermione. I can never forget the pain you went through. I wish I could take it all away." He sighed as he reached for her arm and rubbed the word 'Mudblood'. "I wish you didn't have to deal with my crazy aunt, be at the end of her wand and knife. I wish you never have to endure this kind of pain."

"Draco, we were in a war. Wars have happened for centuries and I'm thankful I didn't come out worse. That I didn't get lost in the woods and put into hiding like Lavender. I'm lucky you're the one I'm here with now. I don't have to hide what happened to me. I don't have to explain it and go through the mental process of it again. You know what happened. You understand what I went through. You are here for me now. Imagine if I had to explain to someone else what exactly I had gone through. Do you really think they'd understand?" Grabbing his arm as he had hers, she traced a line down on his scar. "You have scars just as I do Draco. The only people who understand the pain of having something you don't want etched into your arm is you, me and Harry."

"Potter? What does Potter have?"

"Well, you remember Umbridge?"

"Yeah, whatever happened to her?"

"Um. She… Well, that's not important right now. She had Harry in detention and made him write I must not tell lies on a piece of parchment with a quill that was inked with his own blood. But it etched into his hand as well."

"That's barbaric!"

"Extremely. Speaking of scars. I opened your journal the other night. I was fairly disappointed to see a lot was empty."

Looking away from her and back down to the dirt. He seemed to fight internally. Taking a deep breath, "Hermione. As much as I want you to know what happened in my life day to day. I just… I'm...Merlin... " he sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "You need to be better before I can share that part of my life with you. I don't know if I'm ready for that. For the pain, it will cause. You're worried about sleeping out in a tent at night because you're afraid you'll scream. I was on the wrong side, Hermione. There are no butterflies in my journal. There are no happy moments. It is all dark, evil and fucked up. I told you when I gave it to you not to pry." He finished still staring at the ground. She moved her hand down to interlock with his, holding it as if she was holding him together; not willing him to break.

"I understand Draco." She gave him a quick squeeze and pulled the journal out of her bag handing it to him. "Maybe another entry for tonight, hmm?" She asked as she reached into her bag again and pulled her journal out, opening it to write.

" _The sword mudblood! Where did you get it?"  
Tears were flooding her eyes as she started screaming from pain as a knife stabbed her arm.  
_" _I'm going to ask you again! Where did you get this sword? Where?"  
_ " _We found it! We found it! PLEASE! Screaming again as the pain seared through her forearm once more.  
You're lying, filthy mudblood, and I know it! You've been inside my vault at Gringotts! Tell the truth, tell the truth!" Carving more letters into Hermione's arm she screamed again. Eyes so blurry full of tears she couldn't see. She couldn't breathe. "What else did you take? What else have you got? Tell me the truth, or I swear, I shall run you through with this knife!"  
Carving into her arm once again Hermione couldn't think. She could only focus on the pain that was searing through her arm. Pain from her fingers to her shoulder. Pain she'd never felt before.  
_" _What else did you take, what else? ANSWER ME! CRUCIO!" Not giving Hermione a chance to speak she used an unforgivable curse. Hermione's blood curdling scream echoed in the walls of Malfoy Manor._

"Hermione! Hermione! Wake up!"

Throat raw, Hermione blinked awake, grabbing for Draco, tears streaming down her face.  
Draco held her in his arms, whispering words of comfort until her tears stopped to hiccups.

"Oh god! I probably woke the whole Forest, we have to move." Hermione rushed out, standing and gathering the blankets and anything else she could get her hands on. Draco stood and grabbed her bringing her lips to his. Putting his hands on either side of her face, he pulled away and looked into her eyes.

"Hermione, calm down. First, I put a silencing charm on the tent after you'd gone to sleep. Second, talk to me. What was your nightmare about?"

Sitting down, Hermione pulled her legs up to her chest and buried her head extending her arm out. She heard him sigh before he sat next to her and pulled her flush against him resting his chin on the back of her head. "I truly do wish I could take all of that away."

They sat together just breathing. As the sun was rising, they shifted to the front of their tent and watched. The sight was breathtaking. The colors were vibrant and looked as though they had been painted right into the sky.

Lost in the moment Hermione felt Draco staring at her and angled her head to look at him. She hadn't realized just how close they were and touched noses. She saw Draco glance down to her lips and his eyes flutter for a moment. She saw him gulp as though he was nervous. His Adam's apple bobbing as he did.

She stole a glance at his mouth as well and leaned her body slightly more into him hoping Draco would understand her subtly. He did. Bringing his hand to her jaw line and slowly stroking it, he leaned forward and closed the remaining space between them.

The chemistry between the two of them is undeniable. All the fights, the sarcastic remarks, the stares, and the glares, led right to this moment. The tension snapped without resistance and it was like the gates had opened. Hermione felt his soft lips against hers, gently at first, but soon he was the pressure was building.

Leaning his head against hers as he regained his breath, Draco whispered, "Hermione, if we need to stop you need to tell me now."

"If you stop kissing me now I'll scream," Hermione replied back as a matter of factly.

Draco turned his body and placed his hands on either side of her head, pulling her back in for more of that breathtaking kiss. Once, twice, then she felt his tongue pleading for entrance. Hermione opened willingly to battle his tongue for dominance. Slowly he slid his hand up into her curls and tilted her head back to deepen their kiss. She felt as if her world had tilted. Like she was swaying and he was holding her in place to catch her. This kiss was nothing like the one she had shared with Ron. The kiss with Ron has been a sudden need, in case one of them died. The kisses after that felt forced. The kiss she now shared with Draco felt invigorating. Electrifying. Thrilling. Dare she say possibly even arousing. She made to shift and pull herself closer to him, only to hear a groan that was captured by their battle for dominance. As she still wasn't comfortable at the lack of closeness, she shifted again, only this time, Draco broke the kiss.

"Granger, stop moving." He groaned as he shifted.

"Hermione." She breathed, going back to his lips and reshifting once more since he angled himself away from her.

Pulling away once again, "Hermione, truly, please stop shifting."

Hermione leaned back and looked into his eyes, which had become significantly dark with a pained expression. With a confused look on her face, she opened her mouth to ask why.

"I'm an eighteen-year old boy remember? And you're making it so very difficult to be a gentleman. So for the love of Merlin, _PLEASE_ , stop shifting closer."

Hermione's eyes widened and glanced down noticing the trouble he was speaking of. With a blush that went from her face to her neck, she withdrew her hands from him and covered her face completely embarrassed. _How could I have been so oblivious?_ She thought, shaking her head.

She felt Draco gently grab her wrists and pull them away from her face and back to his chest, then lifted her chin to look him in the eyes. "You're a very beautiful woman Hermione. Many guys have roamed the Hogwarts halls in the same predicament as I just by looking at you. Don't be embarrassed. There are remedies to fix these problems without your help. Not squirming around is one of them." He joked, "But seriously, I am nothing but a gentleman and I don't want you to feel pressured. It can't be helped. It just sort of happens."

Hermione giggled at this and went to kiss him once more.

"My my, what do we have here?"

"Well, that's one way to cool down quickly," Draco mumbled to Hermione. "Morning to you too Weaslette. Goyle. Shall we make breakfast and set off again then? And you can tell me all about what happened to Umbridge Hermione. Don't think for a second I'd forgotten."

Rolling her eyes while she laughed and got up to start breakfast, she mumbled, "memory of an elephant that one."


	14. Chapter 14 - Progress

**AN: So so so so sorry this has taken forever. My muse was gone but is finally back with a vengeance. This chapter is shorter, because it was a perfect ending spot and I promise the update won't be far behind.  
Thank you for continuing to read this story and bear with me as I had a personal problems and writer's block. You guys are the best. Tons of love to you. Enjoy the chapter. **

During breakfast, Hermione told Draco and Goyle what had happened in the forest after she had shown Umbridge out. The horrified look on their faces was priceless.

"Bloody hell!" Goyle exclaimed, "How did you guys get away with so much?"

"Perks of being friends of the chosen one. Everyone turns a blind eye." Draco said winking at Hermione who laughed.

Once their items were all packed away they started back on their journey. They had walked quite a distance before Draco put his arm out to stop Hermione and the others. Pointing his finger to his mouth, he pointed at a clearing in the woods. The work of a creature. Everyone was instantly on high alert. Being vigilant, Hermione started looking around for clues on what kind of creature they could expect.

"Psst, Granger!" Goyle whispered calling Hermione over, "What are these markings?"

Hermione walked over to where Goyle was and loudly gasped dropping her bag to the ground to feel the marking. Leaning down she pulled out her journal and quill to draw the symbol. As she walked around the tree she glanced at a nearby tree and saw a similar type of symbol. Ginny called over to her to point out another. After locating about half a dozen, Hermione sat on the ground pondering them.

"It's clearly a message, but I've never seen these type of Runes before," Draco said as he sat next to Hermione and looked at the markings on her page. Goyle and Ginny were looking around for more clues or form of life.

"It's a mix of two types. Making it hard to decipher. I'm afraid I won't be able to solve this today and we have to start heading back if we want to get to the castle before dark. We'll have to come back next week." Hermione said sadly.

"Well, that gives us time to translate it. I'll help." Draco reassured Hermione. "Don't worry, we'll find her."

Nodding. Hermione took one last glance, closed the book and stood. They all gathered, did one last look around and went back the way they came to the castle, each deep in thought.  
 **  
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 ****" _The sword mudblood! Where did you get it?"  
Tears were flooding her eyes as she started screaming from pain as a knife stabbed her arm.  
_" _I'm going to ask you again! Where did you get this sword? Where?"  
_ " _We found it! We found it! PLEASE! Screaming again as the pain seared through her forearm once more.  
You're lying, filthy mudblood, and I know it! You've been inside my vault at Gringotts! Tell the truth, tell the truth!" Carving more letters into Hermione's arm she screamed again. Eyes so blurry full of tears she couldn't see. She couldn't breathe. "What else did you take? What else have you got? Tell me the truth, or I swear, I shall run you through with this knife!"  
Carving into her arm once again Hermione couldn't think. She could only focus on the pain that was searing through her arm. Pain from her fingers to her shoulder. Pain she'd never felt before.  
_" _What else did you take, what else? ANSWER ME! CRUCIO!" Not giving Hermione a chance to speak she used an unforgivable curse. Hermione's blood-curdling scream echoed in the walls of Malfoy Manor.  
Lavender stood over her body, blood dripping from her neck. "You're never going to find me, are you? Going to leave me in the woods forever? I should have never trusted you. Now I'll never see my Won- Won and it's all your fault mudblood!" __****_

Hermione woke up covered in sweat and panting. The vision of Lavender making her dizzy. The viciousness in Lavender's voice echoing in her head. She'd had the same dream since Sunday night. It was Thursday and she was no closer to figuring out what the symbols mean. Checking the time she saw it was half-past four in the morning. Ginny was still fast asleep. _Thank Merlin I didn't wake her._ She thought. Hermione had forced Draco to sleep in his own dorm with her dreamless sleep potions. Laying in bed she imagined each of the symbols one by one trying to find a connection. When the time was just after six, she sighed and got up to shower. Trying to take the frustration of the puzzle out on her hair.

Draco was standing against the wall at the entrance of the Great Hall looking healthier than he had in months. When he saw Hermione he pushed off to greet her.

"Hey, you alright?" He asked.

"No. I had another nightmare with Lavender in it. I just don't get it."

"Well, I'm feeling much better, so why don't we meet with Estella together today and then tonight take your potion?"

"I don't WANT to take the potion right now Draco. I feel like I'm missing something. Something obvious." Hermione frowned. "I'll see you later in class." Walking into the Great Hall, she grabbed two slices of toast and left for her first class not seeing the concerned look on Draco's face.

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Hermione walked to her appointment with Estella after successfully avoiding Draco and Ginny for the day.  
"Ms. Granger, how have you been this week?" Estella started.

"I haven't taken my sleeping potion all week. It is literally killing me and driving a wedge between Draco and me, but I feel like I'm missing something in my dream. It's an old classmate, and she's standing over me. Bleeding. It's a horrifying sight."

"I see. How did she die?"

"Well, that's the thing. I think she's very much alive. But I don't know how to prove it."

"Well, Ms. Granger. Our dreams do typically have something they wish to share with us. How do you feel when you see her in your dreams?"

"Nightmares. She always shows up at the end of the Bellatrix nightmare." Hermione said before a soft knock interrupted them. "It's probably Draco. He suggested we come together today. He can come in."

Estella nodded and opened the door to let Draco in who took a seat next to Hermione.

"Did you want to continue where you left off Ms. Granger or should we start something different? This is the first time you both are here together."

"No it's fine. He knows of my nightmares. So she always shows up right at the end of the Bellatrix nightmare. Bleeding over me, telling me I'm a failure." Hermione took a deep breath before continuing. Draco grabbed her hand and interlocked her fingers with his as she found the courage to keep going explaining the details of her nightmare.

"It's very interesting that she had popped into this specific nightmare. It is clear you are under emotional distress. One way children are able to overcome their nightmares is to draw out their fear. What about drawing out your nightmare? Take a look at it from a different perspective. Similar to how we see through pensieves. It gives you a different look on it. That may help you figure out what you're missing with Lavender being in your dream. Unfortunately, I don't think it will stop your nightmare all together which is why I haven't mentioned it before now. Mr. Malfoy, it may also be beneficial for Ms. Granger to see the view from your perspective as well."

Leaving they went to the room of requirement and started to work on their drawings. When they were done, Hermione grabbed both of the pictures. In hers, Lavender was standing in front of Bellatrix while Hermione was laying on the floor. Blood dripping from the mudblood carving and from the neck of Lavender. Off in the distance the pained looks of Mrs. Malfoy and Draco.

Looking at Draco's drawing, she gasped. She was there laying on the ground as she was in her picture, but Draco had drawn a beauty in which she didn't see herself. She saw the crazy look in Bellatrix eyes that weren't in her drawing. The distance held Greyback and the snatchers that caught her, Harry and Ron. The picture would have been beautiful if not for the meaning behind it. Taking another look, the answer she'd been looking for hit her like a ton of bricks.

"DRACO! Werewolf!" She yelled as she ran out of the Room of Requirement and to the library. Draco catching up quickly with his long legs. Panting as he arrived at the library doors, opening the door for Hermione who walked in briskly smiling at Madam Pince.

Walking as fast as she could without running, Hermione went straight for the rune section seeking out a book. Thumbing each one, she finally found the one she had been looking for. Grabbing her wand she levitated the book down from the top shelf and walked over to the table dropping it with a loud bang.

As soon as she got her hands on it she started flipping through the pages furiously but careful. "Found it!" Hermione looked up to Draco and smiled. "Some of these are wolf markings. Lavender was bitten by Fenrir. Werewolves would communicate by markings in between moons to let each other know if there was another pack in a certain area as they often fought while in their werewolf form if they were of another pack. They had taken this from the vampires as that was how they contacted each other about hunting grounds. They each had distinctive markings that changed what the rune said to another species but something that they could decipher. It is still largely practiced. Which is why they look different to us. But if we were to separate the rune from the wolf marking we might be able to decipher it. This most certainly has to be from Lavender!"

"If those are Lavenders, then whose are these? These look like those." Draco questioned pointing at the page before it.

Hermione looked at the page Draco pointed out, comparing them to the runes she made. There was no denying, they were the same. In the end, she decided they would work on one at a time. Starting with the wolf symbols. Hermione and Draco worked through dinner when Ginny and Goyle had joined them with the food they smuggled past Madam Pince.

They explained the breakthrough they made and what they had translated so far. So far they had translated; help, forest, life, henge, blood. Ginny and Goyle went in search of a map of the forbidden forest. When they came up empty-handed, Hermione suggested a trip to Hagrid's.

After classes Friday, Hermione and Ginny went down to Hagrid's. Draco and Goyle opting to stay behind to catch up on work. Hagrid welcomed them and offered them tea. Hermione asked for his help in drawing a detailed map of the forbidden forest, at least what he knew of it. Together the three got to work on creating as much as they knew. The area in which they found the markings, Hagrid had claimed it to be a previous vampire location before Voldemort.

"Hmm. Hagrid, have you ever seen these before?" Hermione asked, pulling out her notebook with the runes on it.

"Those look awfully close to vampire markings, but it seems like they are mixed with another?"

"I thought these were werewolf markings."

"Blimey! Are there two packs running out there? That will end badly for one side. Werewolves and Vampires don't work well together and if both packs are trying to claim that area, well it will end in bloodshed."

"I was afraid you'd say that. Well, thank you, Hagrid. We should head up for dinner. But this map is extremely helpful."

"You'd better be careful Hermione. And you Gin. Wouldn't want you getting involved with that lot. Could get yourselves killed, you could."

Nodding, Hermione and Ginny made their way to the Great Hall. Hermione sat down and instantly looked for Draco at the Slytherin table. She caught eyes with Goyle who shook his head no and shrugged his shoulders. Instantly filling with worry, she tried to swallow it down. She grabbed a few bites of food, before standing. Ginny grabbed her hand with a look of _You will sit and eat more or so help me I'll shove it down your throat._ Hermione grabbed a napkin and put a few items into it and put it into her bag hoping to placate Ginny. When Ginny glared at her but effectively let go, Hermione practically jogged out of the Great Hall. Something in her gut said something was wrong. Very very wrong.

She originally planned to look for him in the usual places, but rather than go on a scavenger hunt that could have her missing him, she went straight to the Gryffindor tower and pulled out the Marauder's Map. Scouring his normal places, she didn't see him anywhere. Slowly Hermione checked each place one by one, finally landing on him in the least likely spot. The Astronomy Tower. Taking a deep breath, she closed to map and ran, a tightness in her chest forming. Her mind filled with many possible reasons he would be up there.

When she got to the bottom of the stairs, she took a few breaths before sprinting up the stairs. As she got to the top, she listened to the door to hear anything. She heard a sound that sounded desperate and hallow. A sob. Slowly opening the door, she stepped inside quietly. Everything was turned over or broken, not a single item was saved. Looking up, she saw Draco standing on the ledge, arms open wide, tears streaming down his face, his broom leaning against the side. The tightness in Hermione's chest increased exponentially. She felt sick.

"Draco, what are you doing?" Hermione whispered so not to spook him.

He slowly turned around, looking manic. Jumping down, he charged at her. For half a second Hermione felt fear, but the crazed, desperate look in his eye had her curious. She wanted to be here for him. He reached her and harshly grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her hard. Walking her back until her back hit the wall, she gasped and he shoved his tongue into her mouth. She was torn between enjoying it and worried so she let him continue to assault her mouth a bit longer. She could feel the anger and tension rolling off of him. Until he moved her hands lower and squeezed her breasts until she cried out in pain.

"Draco, stop. Tell me what's wrong?" Hermione pleaded. It was like a splash of cold water had been thrown on him and his eyes grew wide, his full-blown black pupils coming back to the grey she loved.

"Oh, Merlin! Hermione I -" Draco started, but the look of panic in his eyes started to moisten and he ran back towards the ledge, grabbing his broom and diving off the balcony.

"DRACO!" Hermione screamed as she ran to the ledge to see his broom level out, flying away, never once turning back.


	15. Chapter 15 - Astronomy Tower

**This chapter has a lot of dialogue. A few things have been answered, and we're diving farther into the mental states of our favorite couple. Enjoy! As always, I own nothing Harry Potter.**

Hermione ran down the Astronomy Tower stairs as fast as she could. She didn't stop running until she got to the Great Hall hoping to find Goyle still there. Stopping at the entrance of the door, Goyle looked up with a hopeful expression, which quickly widened with fear. Hermione watched him as he stood abruptly shocking the first years he'd been sitting near and walking briskly to Hermione. Stepping out of the Great Hall, she started walking towards the front door knowing Goyle would catch up to her quickly.

"Granger, what's happened?" Goyle asked slightly out of breath as he slowed his step to walk at her pace. Hermione heard footsteps behind them quickly approaching and knew Ginny was running to catch up as well as she walked through the front door down the steps to the grounds.

"He… Goyle … I don't even know how to explain it. It was like he was a completely different person. He saw me and just started aggressively kissing me, and when he hurt me, he snapped out of it. Then he jumped! Thank Merlin he grabbed his broom."

Goyle immediately stopped, grabbing onto her elbow to stop her. When she was about to protest, Ginny bumped straight into Goyle, falling backwards landing on her arse. Standing up she rubbed her bum. "Does anyone want to tell me what's going on before I get hurt again?"

Goyle sighed, ignoring Ginny. "He jumped off what? Hermione, where was Draco when you found him?"

"The Astronomy Tower. I need to find him." She turned, but was stopped again.

"Oh bloody hell. You need to listen to me Hermione. There are things you don't know. Things I swore to keep my mouth shut about, but it's bad. Draco's been keeping stuff from you. He's going to kill me for even telling you this, but Draco hasn't been taking the sleep potions. He's been hoarding them for you because he knew Estella would convince Madam Pomphrey to stop giving them to you and he knows you'll need them. He's been wearing a glamour like the one on his arm to cover up the fact that he hasn't been sleeping."

"And you let him! Those were to help him! You know how he's been and what he's gone through and you just let him glamour himself as if everything was bloody okay?" Hermione screeched. Fuming she wretched her arm out of his grasp and ran to where she last saw Draco. Footsteps rapidly following behind her. When she got to where she last saw him, on the very spot Dumbledore fell from the tower, she started calling his name. Ginny came up and put her arm around her shoulders and started calling out as well. They searched until Hermione's voice was raw and tears started streaming down her face.

As curfew approached, Goyle suggested he go search the Slytherin dormitory to see if he went there. Ginny pulled Hermione along with her toward the castle. "Come on, let's take a look at the map and see if he's on it. He can't get into the room, so he has to be right?"

"Unless he's gone into the forest." Hermione replied sullenly. "I'm scared for him Ginny."

They didn't speak again until they were back in the Gryffindor Tower. Opening the map, they found Goyle alone in the Slytherin common room pacing back and forth. They both searched the map for Draco, but found nothing. After suggesting to Hermione to get some sleep, she took a dreamless sleep potion and slipped into Ginny's bed seeking comfort. Hoping in the morning, she'd find him. ****

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Saturday morning was greeted with heavy rainfall as Hermione sat in the Astronomy Tower willing Draco to come back. Ginny had tried bringing food around, which she took a few bites of and put into her bag. This led to an argument, as Hermione was supposed to check in with Madam Pomphrey. The wrong choice of words had left Ginny stomping away. She shivered and knew she'd have to apologize soon. " _Maybe if I do pass out again, he'll come out and tell me what the bloody hell happened! You may not care Ginny, but I do!" "You're wrong Hermione, but excuse me for giving a rats arse about my best friend as well. Not everything revolves around Draco bloody Malfoy." "Yet it seems to be the case when we're talking about one Harry Potter."_ She sighed. It was a horrible thing to say about her best friends. She loved Harry and Ginny and couldn't be happier they were together. She pulled the map out once more to stare at it. Searching. Hoping. Anything.

The rain continued into the night, where Goyle found her in the same position she was when she yelled at Ginny. Handing her some food from dinner, he took a seat next to her.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, and that I won't tell you anything else, but Draco is my oldest and closest friend. I respect him and his decision to keep things from you. You already have enough on your plate."

"I'm not fragile, Goyle. I know what happened during the war. I know what happens during wars. Bloody hell, my own imagination makes shite up in my nightmares just to keep me on my toes and show me how much worse it could have been."

"Yes, but knowing and experiencing are two different things, Granger. Your friends tiptoe around you because you're like a bomb ready to go off and no one wants to be on that side of things. Especially Ginny. Draco doesn't want to be the person that completely sets it off when at any moment this could all blow up in his face. He's risking a lot more than you can imagine being with you."

"But I want to help him as much as he helps me. Is that really so much to ask?"

"When you're speaking about an ex-death eater, who grew up in a pure-blooded house that hated muggle-borns and hosted one of the most sick and twisted bastards of our time in his home? Yes, Granger. The answer to that will always be yes."

Hermione looked down at her feet. Goyle reached out and patted her shoulder before bidding her goodnight. Hermione stayed still gazing into the darkness until sleep eventually claimed her. ****

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 _Her back was starting to ache from the wall Millicent Bulstrode held her against. Fear tearing through her body as Harry was pulled from the fire. Draco is leaning against the wall looking like a kid in a candy shoppe. She was pleading with Professor Umbridge not to perform the cruciatus curse on Harry. The pain searing through her body, as if it knew what the spell was like at only sixteen. Bellatrix's face lurking over her, cackling._

"Hermione! Wake up! Hermione!"

 _She could hear yelling around her as she was being shaken. Millicent was there holding her, shaking her and pushing her hard against the wall. She couldn't see anything other than Bellatrix. She was in her face, licking her teeth, as she jammed her wand into her throat. The words forming on her lips. Cru-_

"Hermione!"

 _Lips were on hers. Bellatrix was kissing her? She wanted to throw up. Push away from the crazy woman. Those lips felt too familiar, though. Hermione opened her eyes, and it was Draco kissing her. His aunt still nearby, jumping up and down with glee, a killer look in her eyes. Oh god, Bellatrix will kill him! She tried pulling Draco behind her to protect him, but he refused and fought against her. He held her arms against her own body, pushing her continuously into the wall. Draco held his hips to her and pleaded her to wake up._

"Hermione, please!"

Hermione opened her eyes, blinking rapidly and gasping for air. She felt a rock digging into her spine that was the source of the pain in her nightmare. When her eyes finally cleared, Draco was sitting directly in front of her.

"Oh thank Merlin!" She cried in relief and threw her arms around him. "Are you okay? Where were you? Never do that to me again! I was so scared!"

"Are you okay? That was quite the nightmare." Draco exhaled as he wrapped his hand around the back of her head, cradling her.

"Nonsense! I'm not worried about me right now." Hermione leaned back to look him in the eyes. "I need to know what happened and why. I need to know you're okay. That we're okay."

Draco looked out towards the balcony, away from Hermione. "I'm not okay. We're okay. But I'm not Hermione, and I don't think I ever will be."

Hermione pulled herself closer to Draco, climbing into his lap. "I'm not sure how to help you Draco. But I want to, and that means no secrets from me. Don't put Goyle in that position. It's unfair to him.

"How much did he tell you?"

"How much don't I know?" Hermione retorted. When Draco's eyebrow raised in an unamused manner, she caved. "Alright. He only told me about the potions. Which by the way, were given to you to help you. Not for you to horde for me. I can handle the nightmares, Draco."

"Like you were when I woke you? Where you were screaming your heart out at the top of the Astronomy Tower for the entire forest to hear you? You could have gotten yourself killed if I hadn't heard you. I thought you were in serious danger."

"Well maybe if you hadn't run off like you had, I wouldn't be up here!"

"Oh so this is my fault now?"

"If the shoe fits." Hermione said as she stood, placing her hand on her hip.

"What the bloody 'ell does that mean?" Draco yelled, joining her to stand.

"It means, that if that statement applies to you, admit it and own it or do something to change it!"

"For someone who cares so much about everything and everyone, you really are a selfish bint."

"How do you figure?"

"You stand there, all pish posh, telling me you want to help me, when you can't even help yourself. You demand to know everything about what happened to me, yet you barely speak of your blame me for sitting up here when that was your choice. You blame me for you almost getting killed because you were screaming. You blame me, and I couldn't do a bloody thing then! I couldn't save you! I would have been killed on the spot! Yet here I am trying to save you now and you're blaming me for you being up here in the first place! I can't win with you! You can't take any of your own problems and take ownership of any of them. That's selfish."

Hermione stood there, watching as Dracos' blood-shot eyes filled with fire. Feeling his rapid breathing on her face as he tried calming himself down. She reached out and grabbed his hand and silently turned around walking towards the stairs and to the entrance to the Room of Requirement. He walked without hesitation, both in silence, except the sound of their shoes. When she walked past the third time and a door appeared, she opened it to their room. What had been their sanctuary for the last couple months. It felt like a lifetime had passed since the start of school. Hermione walked him to the couch and sat down, pulling him with her. He dropped with a loud sigh. She refused to let go of his hand, but gave him some space.

"You're right, I'm sorry. That's something I'm working on." She finally said after the silence had became unbearable. "What was it like being on the Astronomy Tower again?"

"A bit like hell."

Reaching for fire whiskey and two glasses, Hermione filled them. "How about we play twenty questions again? This time, no limits."

"Does that count as your first?" He asked reaching for the glass and knocking it back quickly.

"It does if you'd like it to, or we can start now." She said as she knocked hers back as well, refilling both of their glasses.

"How about I go first, we make it ten, and I'll decide at the end if it counted by how much worse yours have gotten?" Draco asked, to which Hermione agreed. "Right, question one. Why are you upset that I've hidden the potion thing from you?"

"If you knew to keep it a secret, you knew I would be upset, but I'll answer anyway. Not to long ago, a girl had stopped eating. One that also had stopped taking her potion on the occasion. This girl fell down a flight of stairs and was reprimanded by her boyfriend. Something, that seems very similar to the act said boyfriend is doing now."

"We weren't dating then actually. So I'm not sure to whom you are speaking of." He laughed after Hermione glared at him. Reaching out he took her other hand in his and interlocked their fingers. "I am sorry I kept it from you. I have put you first to make amends for everything."

"Do you think we can do this without the formality of questions?" Hermione asked, turning sideways to face him. Draco shrugged. "How about with a bit more of this?" She asked as she poured both of them another round. "Draco, I have forgiven you. I wouldn't be with you if I hadn't. There is nothing you could have done to save me, and I don't know why you hold on to the guilt of that. I honestly wish you wouldn't. I would also love it if you would take a dreamless sleep so that I'm not visiting you in the hospital wing. Can you please cancel the glamour? All of it. I want to see you. Dark Mark and all."

Reluctantly, Draco cast finite incantatem on himself. His cheeks had sunken in, his hair wasn't as platinum, and his skin was more of a grey than pale. He looked like death was about to take him. Hermione held his hand tighter as he closed his eyes, not willing to look at her directly.  
"Merlin, Draco. Is this what I looked like? Is that why you were so scared?"

"More so. You're significantly smaller than I am, and you're not exactly healthy yet."

Hermione started crying, silently. "Draco, I'm scared. What if we never heal? What if we're always going to live our life with nightmares and eating disorders and insomnia?"

"Well. Then we handle it as best as we can. It's not like any of us are alone in this. We all went through a war together." Draco whispered as he wrapped his arms around her and placed his chin on her head. "We'll heal together too. I'll try too. I won't wear the glamour when I'm around you, but I have to in public."

They sat there lost in thought listening to the clock tick, the steady beats of their hearts and the crackling of the fire. Hermione finally broke the silence. "What happened on the Astronomy Tower?"

Draco sighed. Releasing Hermione from his grip he stood and paced, grabbing the bottle of firewhiskey and pouring a shot for himself to drink. Facing the fire with the empty glass in hand, he threw it into the fire with a yell, making Hermione jump.

"My father sent a letter from Azkaban. I went to the Astronomy Tower to think, which in hindsight was counterproductive because all I thought of was what happened with the headmaster. That it was all my fault. That maybe, I could have accepted his help and left that world behind. That maybe if I had, he would still be alive."

"No he wouldn't. He was dying. Professor Snape was already aware he was dying and that you were in trouble. There was a lot we didn't know about Professor Snape because he was playing double agent. I'm sure if you really stop and think, he probably saved your on numerous occasions knowing what kind of house you lived in. I'm sure he'd be your number one supporter for our relationship."

"How do you figure?"

"Because he was in love with Harry's mother. A muggle-born."

Draco's eyes grew wide as Hermione yelped. In a swift movement Draco was by her side as she pulled a coin out from her shirt and blew on it before reading the contents. "Bloody hell! Draco we need to go now! We'll finish this conversation later."

"Why what's happened? What is that thing?"

"I'll explain on the way. Goyle's been hurt."

Draco and Hermione ran out of the Room of Requirement and to the hospital wing. Hermione explained the matching coins with the Protean charm she and Ginny had kept in case they needed to reach each other if an emergency arised. When it heated up, that meant the other was in trouble, or in this case, Goyle. Knocking on the door, Madam Pomphrey let them in to visit with Goyle. Ginny was sitting next to his bed, reading the Tales of Beetle the Bard to him. When she saw them, Ginny smirked and held her hand out where two sickles were dropped.

Draco reached Goyle quickly to find out what had happened. Goyle explained he had gone searching for him in the Forbidden Forest. When he arrived, there was a battle between a couple werepeople and vampires. He hadn't gotten away quick enough and got caught in the crossfire. Ginny had been following him and cast protego before he had been torn to shreds, but he hit his head when he jumped back. Sitting in the seat on the other side of his bed, Draco put his head in his hands and apologized for him getting hurt and not being there.

"S'alright mate. I know you would have done the same for me. There was something weird, though. Not sure if you heard them Ginny?" He asked. When Ginny shook her head no, he continued. "There was something they were fighting over. They were both saying that the other has taken something of theirs."

"Something or...?" Hermione asked, jumping out of her chair. "I need to go to the library! I'm glad you're alright Goyle, I'll check back on you soon."

Draco, Goyle and Ginny watched as she ran out of the Hospital Wing. Goyle watched Ginny for a couple minutes before he rolled his eyes and told her to get over herself and follow the witch. Ginny huffed, but followed.

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Hermione was already at a table reading a book when Ginny stood at the back of a chair. Hermione looked up, stood and hugged her.

"I'm terribly sorry for the way I acted Ginny. I love both you and Harry. I know the world doesn't revolve around Draco. It's just, you have Harry and I just clung to Draco. I always put people before myself, and I know you're just looking after me. I was out of line."

"You were. It took a lot of effort not to throw a bat-bogey curse at you."

"I appreciate that, even if it was well deserved. Would you like to know what I'm thinking?" Ginny nodded. "Okay, so we found the werewolf and vampire markings and have been deciphering them. What if, merlin, I sound crazy. But what if, Lavender is both?"

"Like a cross-breed?"

"Similarly. A hybrid. There's only been one case about it, so long ago, I'd nearly forgotten! I read about it back in third year when Professor Snape assigned us the werewolf essay. Here, listen. 'A woman vampire by the name of Ava, unknowingly bit a werewolf to have a mate for life. The werewolf, a man named Andrew, attacked her back. This caused the combination of the two bloods to mix in his system and a hybrid was created. It was said that Andrew was stronger and faster than any vampire or werewolf. He had both a strong sense of smell and sight and could walk around during the day. Both Ava and Andrew were eventually killed in America during the time Gellert Grindelwald was in power. As an attempt to get both werewolves and vampires to side with his cause, Grindelwald ripped their hearts out after immobilizing them. This scare tactic worked and the creatures sided with Grindelwald. Albus Dumbledore eventually convinced them to hide to save themselves before Grindelwald was killed. No other hybrids are known.' I feel like that's why Lavender is still hiding. She's a rarity. That's why both vampires and werewolves are fighting. They can sense her. Both sides of her."

"Hermione, if this is true, there's going to be a war between the breeds if they can't find her. We have to get Lavender out of there."

"My thoughts exactly. Let's create a plan and figure out how to get to Lavender before she gets hurt." **  
**  
Ginny and Hermione spend the rest of Sunday formulating a plan and brought it Fleur. Lavender was going to need her.


End file.
